Arizona-Phoenix

First Step...choose a state. advice anyone?

Hello everyone, I recently started planning our October wedding and realized before I could do anything, my fiance and I had to choose what state to get married in. I moved to AZ from NY, and my family is still in NY, while his family is all in AZ. We first met in Boston, MA while I was in college. We both decided that a fall wedding in Boston would be our dream, and told our exciting decision to his family. It was met with a lot of disagreement...How could we expect both families to travel for the wedding? Isn't it a little selfish to choose a location just based on what "we want"...needless to say, we went to bed both frustrated, hurt, and back to square one. Now before I even get to start the fun stuff, we have to decide what would be convenient for both families, while still making a decision that would make us happy. It is our day right? I understand that it is unpractical now to expect both families to travel when school, money, and jobs make it hard to just get away for a weekend. But now what? His family is larger and my family is smaller, but I have more of a "social circle" to invite, while all his military buddies are all over the place. Any advice on how you went about choosing location would be great. Also, if your in the AZ area, we want an outdoor ceremony and reception, with lots of trees and some water nearby if possible. Pretty much opposite of AZ right? But any venue suggestions would help. Thanks!

Re: First Step...choose a state. advice anyone?

  • edited December 2011
    OK girlie, first welcome and congrats on the engagement. Let me tell you, I felt your pain - DH and I live in NYC, he's from AZ, I'm from MI. (We met in Japan, but that was never a location contender.)We had just about the same number of people to invite on both sides, and that includes people all over the USA and overseas. So, for us, about the same amount of people would have to travel no matter where we chose to have it. Some of our deciding factors?1. Cost. The cost of a wedding in NYC is exorbitantly more than in MI or AZ for both the hosts and guests, and EVERYONE would have had to travel. So that ruled NYC out pretty quickly. AZ and MI are (were?) actually comparable in prices and venue options.If cost is a factor for you, I'm willing to bet that Boston's prices are comparable to NYC, and more than what you would pay in AZ - depending on where you go.Check out http://www.costofwedding.com/and put in some zip codes. There are always exceptions, but this might help.2. Weather. We also wanted a fall wedding (November) and at that time of year, it can be 70 in MI or snowing. (For the record it was both the week of our wedding.) In AZ, the fall is gorgeous and much more consistent and predictable than in the northern midwest or northeast. Especially for outdoor ceremonies.We decided that if we were going to ask people to travel, we would ask them to travel to a warmer climate. (Also: great hair days for me!)3. Venues & Convenience. We wanted something DIFFERENT and we wanted people to not have to rent a car if they didn't 100% have to. We wanted things that were in walking distance from attractions and a hotel with a complimentary airport shuttle. We also were hoping for something a little more urban in feel. This is something we found was more easily accomplished in Phoenix than Detroit.Those were our main factors in deciding on where to have the wedding. It also helped that DH's parents were so generous as to host our rehearsal dinner, and that they were able to do so in a place that they were very familiar with. There were some challenges in planning a wedding from far away, and in a place that I am still just getting to know my way around, but the way things turned out, it was amazing. As far as a venue with trees and water? Well, there are plenty of golf courses, but we got married at the Phoenix Japanese Friendship Garden which is downtown, and it was just gorgeous. http://www.japanesefriendshipgarden.org/Our reception was at Stoudemire's Downtown in the Collier Center, across from the US Airways Center. Our guests stayed at the Marriott Springhill Suites Downtown. If you decide on Phoenix, the girls on this board are a ton of help and a great resource! Good Luck!
  • amercomesamercomes member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your wedding day is undoubtedly supposed to be "your day" but I am nearly certain that as long as there is a wedding and you end up a Mrs., the city you choose will cease to be the most important decision you end up making. Consider the time and planning that go into weddings and how feasible it will be for you to coordinate an out of state event. While it may seem like you are caving to his family's demands, planning a wedding in the city where you both now live may prove to be less of a headache. There is only so much you can learn about potential vendors from phone calls and emails. When you are handing over thousands of dollars, wouldn't it feel a bit more reassuring to hand it to someone you have actually met? Ultimately, the people who matter most to you will figure out a way to make it to your big day, no matter where it is. If you decide to go out of town, be considerate to your guests and make certain you give everyone plenty of time to make arrangements (financial and otherwise). Good luck!
  • timark99timark99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Good luck on choosing your state, but if you are looking for outdoor in AZ I'm getting married at the Wright House in Mesa.  It has 2 different venue "styles" both have lots of trees and water fountains and totally gorgeous.  Plus they are able to hold both the ceremony and reception in different areas so your guests aren't traveling from one place to another.  Fall weddings in AZ are gorgeous, good luck planning. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I was going through the same problem. We both live in AZ and my family is scattered around the US and his here and CO (his family is very small and mine HUGE). We at first decided on Hawaii because he lived there a good portion of his life and loved it. My family (which I do have some there) was up in arms about that. I looked at it like this, regardless; everyone will have to travel in some way. So I took a step back and decided Vegas would be our best option as its less expensive for most people to travel to and stay at, and the weather is very close to Arizona weather. We have two years, and have told our families respectively. Ultimately this is your day, and where you choose is special to you and where YOU want to be married. Don’t let others influence you. I know that cretin people I will want at my wedding will be unable to attend, but again, they have had ample time to plan save get time off at work etc. Their excuse is just that an excuse. I understand other things arise and that’s fine, but it is still our day and we will not let anyone ruin it because of where we chose to get married. The important thing is we are getting married.
  • edited December 2011
    Hi there, Similar issue here. We both met and live in AZ now, but I'm from Chicago and he's from Savannah, GA & NYC, AND lived in Portland for 6 years before moving here. Nomatter where we chose, and it sounds the same for you, people are going to have to travel - so I agree with everyone else, why not make it worth their while. Our wedding is going to be in Sedona because we want the same kind of location - green, trees, water, etc. FYI there is a shuttle service that you can reserve and they will pick people up at Phoenix airport and drop them off at their hotel in Sedona. It's $90 round trip and less than them having to rent a car. A lot of our guests are doing this. Ultimately, as everyone else said, it's YOUR day and you have to do what the two of you want =) Congrats and good luck!
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