Arizona-Phoenix

I Love my MOH- but I need to vent.

I'm having a little issue with my MOH- and I knew I could vent to you girls.

I am allowing my bridesmaids to select their own dresses, I've only given them specifications on color and length.  I told them they could get them from wherever, but that I would have veto power.  I asked them to have their dresses by the end of Feb, as the wedding is the end of March.  Last I checked, no one has started shopping or anything.

So today I had the idea that perhaps I was being a little TOO open, and with so much freedom, perhaps the girls are overwhelmed with all the options (I know I felt that way choosing vendors).  So I sent them all an e-mail asking how they would feel if we narrowed the search to just David's Bridal dresses.  They have the right color and a pretty good selection- I thought I was making it easy.  I proposed the idea only as a suggestion and asked them to let me know what they thought.

Two of my 5 bridesmaids told me they liked the idea.  Then later in the day I received (in error) a text msg from my MOH that was intended to go to one of my other bridesmaids (who happens to be the MOH's sister).  The text stated "We should tell her we want to get our dresses from where we want, like she told us. Why is she butting in, she said it was our decision".  She soon realized the error and tried to put up a cover story about who the msg was intended to.  I told her I knew that she was referring to me as the person butting in, and that I would rather she admit to it so we could work on the issue instead of lying.  She called me and said she was sorry- that she was very stressed about many things going on and that she shouldn't have sent it at all.  She stated that she was only venting and it was just the stress coming out.  She said that she already had plans to have her mother make the dress.  I told her that the e-mail was not intended to insist that they girls go to David's Bridal- that it was merely a suggestion and if she wasn't in favor of it, that's all she had to say.  We agreed that we're both stressed out.  She apologized again and we made amends.

I wish I could say that I feel better but I really don't.  I'm hurt that she would accuse me of butting in (even if it wasn't intended to be directed at me).  I've been crazy stressed out about the wedding and I really thought my suggestion would make it easier on the girls.  I re-read the e-mail 3 times to make sure I wasn't pushing the idea either.  I did tell them that they could get their dresses from wherever they want, but in the end it is my wedding.  It's upsetting that she would say (to anyone) that I was butting in, meanwhile it's my friggin' wedding.

Anyhow.  That was a lot longer than I had orig intended.  Thanks for listening though!  Keeps me from writing a long-winded mean e-mail to my MOH.

Re: I Love my MOH- but I need to vent.

  • Marissa0717Marissa0717 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am really sorry, that sucks that she is being like that. Honestly though, try not to worry about it. 20 year from now you won't remember that it happened, all you will remember it what a wonderful event your wedding was and how you married the man of your dreams. The girls could show up in potato sacks and it still would be your wonderfully special day. What you look like and wear is all that matters (oh and your DH too hehe). Let her wear something ridiculous that she threw together last minute and then let her pout in the corner alone during the reception

    But seriously, I am sorry. I know the planning part is stressful and you don't need one more thing to worry about. You did all that you can do besides picking the dress (I didn't want to pick my BM's either) so try not to worry about it further. I promise, they will all show up in dresses that work and you will look stunning on the day of your wedding!! You've got too much else to worry about :)
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  • guamibearguamibear member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm very sorry to hear about this. I can imagine how hurtful it was to see that message when you are working so hard to coordinate your wedding. I think people often don't realize how stressful it is to plan large events that are so personal to them and at times lack sensitivity with critical comments. You are entitled to feel upset, but try your best not to dwell on it. Your special day is much bigger than one lame-o text.
  • edited December 2011
    I would be hurt too...  there was no reason for her to put it that way and even if she did have an issue with the email or suggestion, she should have come to you about it to start with.  

    Obviously you're not butting in when it's your wedding!  That sounds ridiculous. 

    Like I said, I would be hurt as well...  but it sounds like it's worked out and you just need to sleep on it, and have some time to get over the lingering feelings.  I think it might be more that she's your MOH and supposed to be your biggest supporter in this whole process...  not undermining your decisions or suggestions to the rest of the wedding party.  Even if it is her sister.

    I think it will pass, and it will all work out!
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Syndelin.  I had to have been very hurtful but she's apologized and you've both admitted to being super-stressed right now.  It'll pass and all it takes is one good inside joke between the two of you to get you right again. 

    Hang in there!!
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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies.  I knew you guys would understand. I do feel a lot better today. Im glad I vented to the board instead of to my MOH (which was my initial reaction).
  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    That cracks me up..."she shouldn't be butting in". It's funny because it's so ridiculous...I hardly think you can 'butt in' on your own wedding plans.

    It's a good thing she appologized, but I still don't blame you for the initial hurt, I would be too.  Weddings stress people out (bridesmaids too), so try not to let it get to you.  I think once you relax a little, you might even come to find it funny.
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  • edited December 2011
    I totally understand.  My MOH showed up at my wedding in the wrong dress, yelled at me about it and I haven't gotten an apology.  I'm 90% sure our pictures are going to look stupid.
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