Etiquette Police- I need you.

Beckity

So- with the wedding 5 months away, people at work are starting to talk/ask more about my wedding.

I work at a salon, so it's a close atmosphere, and we often talk with eachother about our social lives.  Still, not everyone at the salon is invited to my wedding.  We have over 35 people working there and it's just inconceivable to invite all of them plus spouses.  I am only inviting those people whom I have a more personal relationship with (in fact, one of the stylists is a bridesmaid).  I'm also inviting my boss because it seems like the right thing to do.

There are a couple people  (whom aren't invited) that have been bringing up the topic of my wedding and it's clear that they're trying to find out if they will be invited.  I get so uncomfortable when this happeneds and I just change the subject.  One guy even had the audacity to ask me if his invitation got lost in the mail (what an idiot)!

So anyhow- how should I resond to this?  It's so tricky because salon life is very personal, just in nature.  We work in close quarters and it's part of our job to talk about ourselves.  Any advice anyone could give me would be great.

Thanks!

alschmid

I had a similar situation with some friends who we see occassionally.  I somewhat gave up on trying to change the subject and just answered any wedding questions they asked, but tried not to bring it up.  We didn't have anyone come out before the wedding and ask if they were invited.  But if they aren't, I would just say something like you are trying to keep it small and intimate - honestly I can't imagine ever asing someone if I was invited or not.  I think most people understand - although we did have some one remark "my invite must have gotten lost in the mail".  Just remember that  you want the people that are really important to you with you to celebrate and try not to worry that much about people you aren't really close with!

Celles

I understand how awkward that must feel.  I don't work in a salon, but over the years I have become friends with my stylist and there is definitely an aura of implied intimacy in her studio.

Given this, I know it's hard not to talk about your wedding at work -- I'm sure you have many interested clients who use it to make small talk! -- but if you can avoid the subject when coworkers who aren't invited are around, then you can minimize the opportunities they have to bring it up.

If someone asks you directly, then alschmid's advice is spot-on.  "Unfortunately, we can't invite everyone we wanted to due to space (or budget) constraints.  We'd love to get together with you another time, though!  It's been too long since we've had a girls night out/double date/just hung out together."  If you're restricting your guest list to family and a few close friends, it's fine to say that, too.  But I'd avoid using the family only excuse if it isn't actually true, because if someone finds out you've told a little white lie then they are likely to be more hurt than if you were just honest to begin with.

wmdosch

Something great that a friend of mine did was have a party after the wedding for everyone who wasn't invited.  It was at their house, was more informal, but still a gathering filled with food and cake.