Weddings bring out the Crazy

deedeedor

Now FBIL has stepped down as Best Man, with one month to go.  Because requiring him to attend the rehearsal is apparently "unreasonable and inconvenient."  And changing his flight is out of the question since he refuses to skip any of his Friday morning classes (he never asked US when he should arrive, just bought it without consulting anyone besides their mom, who suggested to him that she could stand in for him and take notes- she's a bit of a helicopter mom).  Cost isn't an issue since FMIL said she'd pay the change fee.  We'll have to remember this when he gets "married" I guess.Also, FBIL's wife decided to cut and paste Emily Post Etiquette and send it to me.  Not sure what that was supposed to accomplish since I've followed Emily to a T, and it included best man duties as outlined above (rehearsal and rehearsal dinner attendance, proving our point) but it pissed me off.  She's the one who isn't coming.Crazies.I hope I'm taking on all of the dysfunction for the rest of you.

brideinfall08

i don't see why someone can't just tell him where to stand, etc the day of....our rehearsal was pretty quick...it's not like it's rocket science...i don't think it's something he should "step down" because of...he's being a bit dramatic it seems.

kthame

Hey, don't even sweat this stuff. If he can't make the rehearsal, don't worry too much about it. I know it's the whole principal of the story, but at the end of the day, the BM doesn't really have that much of a role. If he wants to be difficult and not be accomodating for your wedding, the way you want him to be, you can't do anything about it. Just don't stress. Remember, the day is about YOU and your fiance. Don't worry about the rehearsal...and it's certainly not anything to have someone step down over. You will be so elated on your wedding day that even if he does something that he shouldn't on wedding day (that maybe he could have learned at the rehearsal) it may turn out to be something to make you laugh, in all the nervousness the day will bring! Don't sweat this or anything else...you've got a month to go and it's going to be great even w/o the rehearsal. Just thank his wife for sending that to you, and kill her with kindness.

deedeedor

Thanks ladies.  This is symbolic of larger issues- he's been a bit of a turd to FI for years- so it's just good riddance at this point.  I know some would argue family this and family that, but he hasn't treated FI with even a modicum of respect.And brideinfall- drama is exactly what he's going for.  He's calling this FI's decision, when FI asked him a simple yes or no question if he was up for the role.  He declined, and is now blaming FI.  Victim mentality.  I'm so tired of it. Moving on to happier things, like having a great party with all of our family and friends who love us!

jacki_sue

Out of all the advice my mother ever gave me, my favorite was that life is 10% action and 90% reaction. If you can go to sleep at night knowing that you've done everything to the best of your ability and had not intended to inconveinence anyone, then don't let this bother you.  If he wants to be all bitter and weird about things, well, then that's on HIM.  You know? That being said, I hope your FBIL and FI can work something out.GL!J

principessareale

have someone take notes. unless your ceremony is way out of the ordinary, spend 20 minutes and write up an email of whats going on and where he has to walk. maybe theres a pic of the church online so he can see what it looks like inside. its not rocket science. wedding guests and a bridal party doesnt always behave like the bride wants. i think you are being most unreasonable by stating that  you'll have to remember this when he gets married. sounds like you have a vendetta for him already, bridezilla. good luck...

deedeedor

Agreed- it's not rocket science. FBIL was looking for a way out anyway. I think the best way to describe his relationship with FI at this point is to label it as toxic. It's sad, really. FBIL and his wife can't stand for anything to not be on their terms. We pretty much knew that already, but this is just confirmation of it in a very public way. Principessa, I know how on the face of it this could look like a bridezilla move, but you haven't been dealing with this for the last few months. Trade you best men?