DOLLAR DANCE....grrrrr

Allison&Donnie

My Mother and Grandmother REALLY want us to do it. Its a Polish tradition, and our relatives always have done it at their weddings. They dont want to break tradition and they even gave me the hand-made apron already!!!I do not want to do it, and feel really uncomfortable basically asking guests for $$!! But I dont want to upset my Grandma and Mom.... FI and I are both Polish/Irish- so his family is all for it as well. Is it tacky if its tradition?? I DUNNO!  ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhWWYD????????

SoonToBeB

We have an apron dance, but no money involved...I'm 100% Polish...We have a little ritual of taking off the veil and putting on the apron, but I'm not sure what the dollar dance is all about.

mandybear7

Personally, I think dollar dances are tacky... Have you expressed your feelings about the dance? Is there something else that you can do to honor your Polish culture and tradition?

jewishmilitarybride

i would feel embarrassed if i went to a wedding without cash and saw everyone else giving a $1 or $5 bill and didn't know i was supposed to bring money. it seems greedy because most guests are already giving you a nice chunk of change and reminds me of when high-grossing cinemas come around with the cup/basket seeking money for a good cause.... simply take some of the money in your huge profit jar and donate yourselves!

Allison&Donnie

Its called Pani Mloda-which generally follows the Oczepiny. Guest pin $ to the apron/dress (sometimes take a shot of sorts) then dance with the Bride/Groom-

SoonToBeB

Hmm guess our family never followed that tradition to begin with..probably a regional thing.I would skip it, it does sound tacky and if you do the oczepiny, your already doing something related to your culture.And it doesn't sound like your comfortable with it either.

Allison&Donnie

And yes, I have expressed to them my concerns about doing it. I guess they look at it more as keeping tradition, then as a way of mooching $ off guests....

deedeedor

Just because something is traditional or accepted doesn't mean it's not tacky.  For some people, putting registry cards in their invitation is traditional/accepted.  But it's tacky. You have to be comfortable with it.  If you're not, don't do it.  No one's head will explode if you don't, even though they might try to convince you otherwise.  They'll gripe for a while, but they'll let it go the closer the day comes.

romagrrl

They WANT you to do it. You don't HAVE to do it.

Allison&Donnie

Just because something is traditional or accepted doesn't mean it's not tacky. For some people, putting registry cards in their invitation is traditional/accepted. But it's tacky.....I dont think that putting registry cards in an invitation is a part of any cultural tradition....

kthame

I'm with Romagrl - it's YOUR wedding and the ONLY people you need to please are you and your FI! My two cents.

deedeedor

Allison- agreed.  But in the South it's commonplace, and no one bats an eyelash.  And I've heard stories of guests who get ticked off when it's not in there.  Yikes.

Allison&Donnie

YEA.....think Im definitely leaning towards NOT doing it. Thanks for help!!! Now to drop the news to my family, LOL....I just feel bad, because my Grandmother made it with the best intentions....  

Allison&Donnie

Found this on the Traditions board (DUH!)http://talk.theknot.com/boards/main_frame.aspx?page=ShowForum.aspx?ForumID=36Interesting.....Guess you LOVE it or HATE it!

kthame

I get how you feel...completely. At the end of the day, if something makes you uncomfortable, which it seems this does...it will show on your face. And, like one of the PP's mentioned...people may not come with cashola just thinking they wouldn't need cash for the wedding. I think that if you just explain that you wouldn't feel comfortable and also explain that you're afraid to her their feelings - I'm sure it will work out. It's not like you're planning to be a big beeyatch and stomp your foot and be a brat, you're being sincere and that will show through!Good Luck!

lawandorder2010

Just a piece of advice. If you go ahead with the tradition and do a money dance, limit the time that you allow for this. FI and I went to a wedding a few weeks back with a money dance that last an hour and fifteen minutes. I shityounot. It was so terribly tacky and rude that we left the wedding. Just keep your wedding guests in mind that if you are going to ask for money via this dance, don't make it miserable for them.

Allison&Donnie

OMG THATS CRAZY! I wouldve left too!Every wedding Ive been to, it lasted no more then like 10 min. People always seem to enjoy it...And I never have thought it was tacky or anything. But that may be because I grew up with that being a tradition at weddings. I suppose if its something your not familar with it would come off SUPER tacky....

gkb0910

I disagree with the previous posters.  The point of wedding etiquette is to ensure your guests are treated well.  If this is something that both of your families want, then you won't be offending anyone.  However, if you are really uncomfortable with it, then I'd say pass.  Otherwise, I say enjoy it for what it is.  (FWIW, I won't be doing one, so it's not like I'm defending it because I'm doing it too.)

chosen175

I went to an out of state wedding once that had a dollar dance and I had never heard of it before. I was scrambling to dig up some cash because I didn't realize it was optional to give $$.  Totally ruined the wedding for me.  I wanted to leave but I was MOH so I really couldn't.There are a lot of traditions and plans that families will have for you.  If you follow every single one of them, your wedding won't be YOURS.  If you don't want to do the dollar dance, don't.  Maybe you can ask your grandmother to come over and teach you how to cook a certain recipe and wear her apron for that instead.  Or maybe do the dollar dance at your rehearsal dinner where it's more likely to be only your immediate families present. 

jess&lane52804

Can you conveniently "forget" to do it?

morgie44

I would also try to see if your mom would be ok with doing just the apron dance and not the dollar dance part of it.  We didn't do the dollar dance even though it was a tradition in the past because I didn't want people pinning money to my dress!!  I think it isn't really tacky if the guests are used to it, but I would be uncomfortable with it.

2009weddingoverwhelmed

I also have a polish family, and all of my relatives married before me did the dollar dance. I however decided not to do it at my wedding. However that being said, I personally do not think it is tacky at all! I have been to family and friends weddings and have not always had dollars to contribute; because I didn't have cash on me. It is not required for all guests to give you money and those who do not want to don't have to participate. I never felt uncomfortable. Just my opinion but I think you should do whatever YOU want (it is your day after all).

rubredvelvet

I say go for it! If it's a family thing, they will all know about it already. It's not tacky - and registry cards are not either. People know going in, that when they go to weddings people will register for gifts.I would say sense most times most weddings have mostly family I would imagine they would be ok with it.

SSWbride

Maybe you could come up with some type of compromise...you could do something creative...like puts slips of paper where guests can put well wishes on them... they can give you the pieces of paper in the apron...that way you could use the apron and keep a piece of the tradition without feeling uncomfortable about asking for money (and those who are just dying to give you money at that time can choose to...)

tonyandstef

I didn't read the rest of the posts.. I say go for it, but make sure it's over quick.  It won't be that bad.  Well, it will, but you'll be having such a beautiful wedding at Cantigny it won't matter!! 

Allison&Donnie

WOW! Thanks for all of your feedback!!!! Now I cant decide what the heck to do!!! LOL But, definitely some good advice- THANKS

Brie2010

What if you did the dance, but instead of money, made people write a piece of marriage advice/a wedding good wish on a card to give to you instead of money?  I think it isn't a big deal if it's a cultural tradition, which it sounds like it is.  But if it makes you that uncomfortable, that might be a nice compromise.

chicagobride_07

My mom was very big on incorporating Polish traditions into our wedding.  We had an "unveiling of the bride" but there was no association of a money dance with it.  After the unveiling, my husband and I shared a dance.  My family (and my very Polish relatives) would have been mortified with a dollar dance.  It just isn't done in my family, and isn't considered a tradition. Maybe you can compromise and just do the unveiling of the bride?GL!

lmb5109

If the majority of both families are expecting it, then do it. Some people will think it's tacky but if it's the norm in your families, then it's the norm.My family in Milwaukee were expecting it, but it's not normal for the hubs family here in Chicago and since we had the wedding down here, we didn't do it. Along with bouquet & garder toss.

DominikaB

Not sure if your wedding has happened or not, but what if you still have the money dance, but provide a basket of dollars for your guests to grab and then pin to the apron?  That way, you don't have to feel like you are asking them for more money outside the gift they are already giving you, and you can still make your mom and grandmother happy.