Am I making too much of this? (Long)

creese72

Sorry in advance if this is long...My BMs have started to put together ideas for my bachelorette party.  3 of 4 of them live elsewhere as do most of the ladies that would be invited.  Since everyone would need to travel anyway, a few of us thought that we should go someplace warm (New Orleans, Florida, Vegas).  When I initally told my MOH that some people were starting to inquire about it, she said, "just tell me where to show up."  She isn't one to be a party planner, so she seemed fine when two other BMs offered to do it.So emails go out last week to my friends asking where of the three places they'd like to go.  After a few days, my MOH replies to all, "since we're all flying to Chicago for the wedding, why don't we do it on the Thursday before?"I am totally sensitive to people's budgets - and I don't want this to become a major expense for anyone.  (Believe me, I'm paying for a wedding - I know about tight budgets!)  I am thankful that they want to do anything, and I definitely want people to be able to come.My issue isn't about staying in Chicago - I'm totally fine with that.  It's more about the timing - doing it 2 days before my wedding really concerns me!  I'll be dealing with family arrriving and last minute details, and I really don't want to spend Friday and the rehearsal dinner hungover.  I wouldn't want anything too crazy either way we did it, but I also want to be able to enjoy myself and not be stressed with all I need to still do.Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

kar45

I was in a very similiar situation and that was an option one of my bridesmaids asked about. I had the same reservations you did and after considering it, I said that it would not work for me. I also sent out an email to everyone that was invited (after my bridesmaid invited everyone) that told them that I realize that this is an additional expense and as much as I would love to have everyone there, I did not want them to come if it would be financially stressful. In the end, I had about 7 girls plus me there and although I know a few more would have probably made it if it was the same weekend as the wedding, the stress it would have added to my life would not have been worth it. I know some girls could handle it, but with all the last minute running around I did, I would have been an absolute mess if my bachlorette party was the same weekend!

kthame

I am also in the same boat. Out of my 10 bridesmaids, 6 of them are from oot; I am considering Vegas (in May - a month before the wedding), but just recently thought, maybe we can just do something local, in March - if/when they come in for the shower, so they aren't having to make 3 trips. Granted, it'd be an early bach party, but what do I care? It would be fun.I'm with ya on the sun aspect...that would be lovely!!! So, I am unsure of what we'll do.

brideinfall08

horrible idea if you ask me...that close to the wedding is not ideal...you'll be so busy you won't be able to have fun.

kthame

Duh, sorry - and there's no way I would want to do my bach party two days before the wedding. it's way too much of a time crunch...and right, a bad hangover wouldn't be good on rehearsal day. I need beautiful sleep and relaxation before the BIG day!

carebears320

I don't think you are wrong or anything in feeling concerned about the time frame. Two days before the wedding, yikes! For my friends bach party, we actually had it the same day as the bridal shower. Sounds like it would be a crazy mess, but it actually worked out really well! We had the same problem with trying to round everyone up, since all the girls were coming from out of town, or had a very tight work schedule. We did the shower on a saturday from like 12-4, cleaned up, Luckily the groom gave up his house to us, so we went over to his house and got ready, had some drinks and played a fun drinking game with the bride, and then we actually did a Metra bar crawl, since the groom lived like two blocks from the train station. So we went into the city, had dinner, and then started hitting bars up. It seems like it would have been crazy all the running around, but actually, it was one of the best nights I have had in a very long time, and we all had a blast! It did though take A LOT of planning. All the bridesmaids, we stayed in touch VIA email the whole time. There were 5 of us in the bridal party, and we all kind of took over a job, and thats what made it work so well I think, we really worked together. So, if you know you are inviting people to the shower that you wanted to invite to the bach party, that may be a good way of doing it. I hope I helped and good luck!

jess&lane52804

My MOH is starting to plan the bachelorette party and we are currently throwing around the idea of having two parties. All BM's live in different states and one of them does not drink or party. The first bachelorette party would be something like going to a club or a bar crawl with my party friends. The second party would be very tame and be sometime the week before the wedding. My aunts will probably be in town the whole week before the wedding, so it would be women in the family, the BMs and a few close friends. Something more like a girls' night in.

krisdi78

We kinda did what your MOH suggested.  We ourselves were coming in from out of town for our wedding and had people coming from all over so we really didn't have any time that a bachelor/bacelorette party would have been practical or easy for people to get to.Instead we (DH and I) just decided to get together with all of friends who were in town the Thurs. before our wedding.  We just went to Dave and Busters, had dinner and drinks, played games, and hung out with everyone who came out to see us.  It was nice actually getting to spend some time with all of them since they did come into town for the wedding and we knew we wouldn't have much time on the actual wedding day to talk to them.Sure it wasn't your typical get wild type of bachelor/bachelorette party and we did it together since we wanted to see all our friends, male and female, but we still had a good time and don't feel we really missed out on anything.I do understand though not really wanting to get totally crazy 2 nights before your wedding.

MelbaCat

i wouldn't want to do it 2 days before the wedding. I was a ball of major stress and never would have enjoyed it. I'm OOT and had to fly to chicago for my own party since most of my friends live there and we did it about a month beforehand. can you pick a good middle ground for meeting up since a lot are coming from out of town? that way maybe flights are cheaper if they don't have to go as far?and as kar 45 said, just let people know, you totally understand it's an added expense and you understand if they can't come. that might help ease the stress.

Kenyagrace

My MOH lives in CA and planned my bachelorette party & we had mine 2 days before our wedding. It worked out fine for me. I am not a hardcore drinker, so that played a huge factor I suppose. It was the most economical thing to do since she offered to plan this party for me, but even if she lived here I don't think I would have minded that it was the same weekend as the wedding. GL!

sgylling

I don't think you are at all. I do like PPs idea about maybe a shower and b-party the same weekend. A friend of mine is doing that since a lot of her guests and wedding party is from our of town. I wouldn't want it 2 days before either, too much going on in one weekend! Good luck!

creese72

Thanks everyone for all of the advice!!  Right now we're talking about doing something low-key on Thursday evening (dinner & drinks) and then maybe mani/pedi's on Friday morning.  I'm not a hardcore drinker, but these days even a few drinks give me a monster headache the next day. Perhaps if people want to do more partying, we'll tie something in to the day of the shower - that's a great idea!Thanks again ladies!