Should I be bothered by this?

ewenner

Ok, ladies - I will preface this by saying that my wedding is this Saturday, and I am super-stressing out right now about a million little things.  I am not sure if I am over-reacting to this situation: 

When I checked my email today, I found a message from one of my bridesmaids saying that she wants to know the exact schedule for the day of the wedding, because she's planning to go out to brunch beforehand with some other friends of hers. 

Our ceremony is at 2:00, and I had been hoping that all three of my BMs would be with me at the hotel in the morning to get ready.  I feel really hurt that she would even consider skipping out on this to go to brunch with some other friends. 

Am I over-reacting?  Should I be so bothered by this?  Honest opinions, please.  Thanks so much!

akulaga

I don't think you're over reacting at all honestly. I would feel the same way. She should know that when she said she'd be a bridesmaid that the day of the wedding is off limits for anything else but you!

Sparkette19

I think that right now everything that isn't the way you want it will p!ss you off. Our wedding is in 2 weeks and I feel the same way with small things.

This is the way I look at things for our wedding...I made a schedule and distributed it to everyone so they know where to be and when to be there. If someone can not or will not be at a designated place at the appointed time, then that's their problem. I can not afford to be irritated and/or upset by the actions of others, we are paying way too much money. Besides that, I will not wait for those that are not where they need to be. Call me a bridezilla, but that's just how I'm going to avoid stressing out.

sgylling

I agree with Sparkette, but I have to also say, if your wedding is this Saturday, how come you haven't sent out the agenda yet? I had my girls hair and makeup schedule done quite a while before. Did you make it clear to her you wanted her to be there in the morning? I guess it doesnt really matter at this point, going forward...I would just say as nice as you can, I really had hoped we could all get ready together. See what she says, she probably had no idea you wanted her there.

I also will confirm the fact that no matter what, everything will make you mad/angry/annoyed/nuts the week before! It definitely happened to me, I swear, people would be asking the stupidest things. Anyway, have fun this weekend and try not to sweat the small stuff:)

MobKaz

I am guessing that this particular bridesmaid is either not a particularly close friend, or a relative of the groom, or younger than you. I say that because I do find her acceptance of a brunch invitation very much insensitive to say the least!  I would assume that as a bridesmaid, NO OTHER plans would be made unless it had to do specifically with the wedding.  Assuming the rehearsal is the night before, I would think that at the very least, she would be eager to sleep in the morning of the wedding.  That said, I am a bit surprised that it has not been mentioned that you did hope your BM's would be along with you the morning of the wedding.  Easiest solution is to email her your hopes and expectations that she would be with you and the other BM's the morning of the wedding.  It's also possible that she sent the email to check with you first before commiting to the brunch invitation.  If that is the case then she is showing some semblance of respect and decorum.  Good luck!!  Try to keep things in perspective----ask yourself, "In the big scheme of things, will this matter/"  You and the groom are the most important pieces of the day!!

MsBunny312

I second mobkaz assumptions that this must be a younger friend or relative. Or has she ever been a bridesmaid before? Perhaps she just doesn't know the protocol for being a bridesmaid, or if you never brought up getting ready together, she didn't realize that you wanted to do that.

If I was you, I'd send a really sweet email saying that you had hoped everyone could get ready together and you're sorry you didn't mention this before.

As previous posters have said before, it's likely that little things might tick you off more than usual because it's a high stress situtation. When stuff like that happens, just take a breather, remember the reason for all of this madness (marrying your love), and try to concentrate on the bigger picture.

ewenner

Thank you all so much for your perspective.  To answer some of your questions, the BMs DO know that I have been planning for us all to get ready together, as I have been mentioning it for months.  The reason I haven't given them a specific time yet is because I've been trying to work out the schedule with the hair/makeup artist (which I think we've finally got straightened out last night). 

This particular BM was my roommate for three years - up until FI and I got a place together 2 years ago, so I do consider her to be a close friend.  But now that I think of it, she hasn't been a BM before, so maybe that's why she is thinking about this brunch invite. 

Anyway, I really appreciate all of your thoughts.  I will give her a call and just let her know what time I'm hoping she will join us at the hotel.  Taking deep breath now...  Thanks again!

Ainslie325

I actually *don't* think you should have any expectation that your bridesmaids will be hanging around with you all morning UNLESS you have specifically expressed to them that you want them there at a given time.  It sounds like you'd just assumed they'd all be there as soon as they were up and showered.  If that's what you expected of them, you needed to let them know.  If you DID make your wishes clear and she's scheduling brunch anyway, I'd say you have a right to be miffed.

mbf124

I'd just tell her that you will send the agenda very soon, and it includes morning/afternoon activities so you'd prefer if she didn't have brunch with other friends. 

Honestly, she probably just didn't know she had to be somewhere.  I wouldn't take it personally!!  

morgie44

I think that she may not be aware of what time you want people to get together, so I would just be honest with her and say,you were hoping to spend some time with your bridesmaids the morning of the wedding. 

ewenner

Thanks again for all of your input!  I talked to her yesterday, and - as several of you suggested - although I thought I had made my intentions clear before, apparently I did not.  So I just let her know what the hair & makeup schedule is so that she can plan around that if she decides to go out to brunch with her other friends that morning. 

So now I can go back to the other 800 million things to finish up before Saturday!  Thank you all again!

MyWedding13

This would really bother me as well. I would ask her why she isn't interested in getting ready with the rest of the party.