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Honeymoon money instead of gifts?

ellerbrock14ellerbrock14
First Comment
in Illinois-Chicago
I was just wondering if there is a polite way of asking guests to contribute to your honeymoon instead of buying gifts. We are not the traditional couple, we've been living together for 4 years and have a 2 year old son. We have everything and more that we already need, but since we are paying for most of the wedding we will not be able to afford a honeymoon, and considering we barely get a date night once every two or three months it would be nice to afford some sort of get away to actually have that newlywed feel!

Thanks for all the input!
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Re: Honeymoon money instead of gifts?

  • Katie91980Katie91980
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i'm not sure what the names are (you could probably just google) but I've seen registry sites where people register for their honeymoons for everything for airfare and hotels to meals and massages. I think that's a great way to ask for contributions to your honeymoon
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  • Love is BaldLove is Bald
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Firstly, be careful not to post this topic on any of the national boards... many brides dont take too kindly to this topic!

    My personal opinion?  Dont go out of your way to tell guests yourself.  Tell your immediate friends and family and have them spread the word.  Asking or implying gifts in general is just tacky (IMO) and my brother just did this for their wedding and it has been gossiped about ever since.  Best of luck to you!
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  • LawyerLover810LawyerLover810
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have seen wedding couples who will put on the invites "no boxed gifts please" and then most people know they are requesting money. I agree with LIB above that it might not be the best etiqutte. Good luck!
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  • aimers1525aimers1525 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ditto @LIB--honeymoon registries are frowned upon in terms of etiquette on TK.  I would suggest that you just don't register at traditional stores and if folks ask, you can have your family and bridal party spread the word. People will get the hint if you're not registered.
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  • principessarealeprincipessareale member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We told our immediate family, close friends, and bridal party that we registered with Honeyfund. We got more than enough money for our honeymoon. Nobody made a stink about it at least to our faces.
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  • PenelopeSnuzPenelopeSnuz
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is very tacky to ask for money in general. That said, have your loved ones spread the word that you are saving for a honeymoon, but don't need traditional gifts because your home is already established.

    That said, I would still set up a small registry witht hings you can upgrade, new towels, sheets, etc.  Some people are going to want to buy you a gift instead of money regardless, and you don't want them to guess & give you something you can't use or can't return.
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  • kellym050370kellym050370 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with everyone else.  Do it by word of mouth and do not take it the other boards around here. It will become an epic disaster!
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  • carrieoneillcarrieoneill member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We did a small registry so that people could buy gifts for the shower but we also did a honeyfund as we just don't have room in our apartment right now for anything else.

     I am from the UK where it is very normal to include details of where you are registered in the invitation. Maybe this is partly because we don't have showers but if I didn't make it clear I would have people calling me up saying I forgot to include the details. Therefore I am having to do 2 slightly different invitations for my UK and US guests (thank you theknot for teaching me I should not include this on my US invites!)

    Everyone so far has been very supportive of the honeyfund and we have already had quite a few things go from there and nothing from the other registry! People seem to want to hear all about our trip and have bought excursions that mean something to them. I plan to use photos of us doing whatever it was they bought us as the thank you cards.
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  • lexakelleylexakelley
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would suggest that you all state that you will have a "wishing well" at your wedding reception.  We registered for our wedding and we are also doing a "wishing well", as most people are very tarditional and prefer to give money instead. It is a good way to give your guest options.
       
    I would suggest that you still register with a very limited and short this, and then list that you will have a "ww" as well. 

    As the PP have stated, out right asking is not the best way to go.

    Good Luck to you
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  • aimers1525aimers1525 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_honeymoon-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:2c5a9638-8f52-4ed0-b643-87eb25011e36Post:93e8ee1a-f238-444c-ba11-535bdf45b2d9">Re: Honeymoon money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I would suggest that you all state that you will have a "wishing well" at your wedding reception</strong>.  We registered for our wedding and we are also doing a "wishing well", as most people are very tarditional and prefer to give money instead. It is a good way to give your guest options.     I would suggest that you still register with a very limited and short this, and then<strong> list that you will have a "ww" as well</strong>.  As the PP have stated, out right asking is not the best way to go. Good Luck to you
    Posted by lexakelley[/QUOTE]

    Where are you suggesting that she list that she is having a wishing well? I think this sounds very gift grabby.
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  • Love is BaldLove is Bald
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Aimers, I completely agree with you!! This is what my brother is having at his wedding and everyone is talking about how tacky/awkward it is, myself included. It's rather embarrassing even for me! They included this poem thing in WITH their wedding invitation all about a wishing well and what it is, and it just looks so grabby!
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  • TatiMarieTatiMarie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_honeymoon-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:72Discussion:2c5a9638-8f52-4ed0-b643-87eb25011e36Post:2ff52afb-70c6-4bee-a3b0-a75904641302">Re: Honeymoon money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is very tacky to ask for money in general. That said, have your loved ones spread the word that you are saving for a honeymoon, but don't need traditional gifts because your home is already established. That said, I would still set up a small registry witht hings you can upgrade, new towels, sheets, etc.  Some people are going to want to buy you a gift instead of money regardless, and you don't want them to guess & give you something you can't use or can't return.
    Posted by PenelopeSnuz[/QUOTE]

    Well said.  Definitely agree with this.

    Spread this by word of mouth, but defitinetly do not ask for cash--especially on the invitation! 
    image
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  • hz80408hz80408 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_honeymoon-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:72Discussion:2c5a9638-8f52-4ed0-b643-87eb25011e36Post:f4ede4df-6351-491e-ab77-07b84263d3bc">Re: Honeymoon money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have seen wedding couples <strong>who will put on the invites "no boxed gifts please" and then most people know they are requesting money</strong>. I agree with LIB above that it might not be the best etiqutte. Good luck!
    Posted by LawyerLover810[/QUOTE]

    This is just as bad as listing "Please give us money in leiu of gifts". Nothing should be listed on an invite about gifts (regardless of if you're asking for them or saying no gifts).

    Like others said, the most appropriate way to do this is by word of mouth.  Like Penelope said, I'd also make a small registry.  DH & I lived together pre-wedding, but there were tons of items we were eager to register for to replace our older things (pans/pots, dishes, towels, bedding, etc).  Please do a small registry for those who like to give traditional gifts

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  • PenelopeSnuzPenelopeSnuz
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with Aimers.....

    It is ok to have a card box.  It is NOT ok to tell people you have a wishing well for cash....ESPECIALLY in/ on your invitations.

    Gifts in general are not mandatory.  Some people always give cash for weddings, and in some circles it is more customary to buy a gift.

    Please don't do a wishing well!
    image **Married 7/9/11**
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  • lexakelleylexakelley
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Depending upon your culture and how you prefer to do things, a card box or wishing well is your option.  Regardless of what you do for your big day, people will critque and have something to say. 

    Your delivery will ultimately determine the feedback you receive from your guest.

    Because of my culture, I had a little slip that we placed with inside the invitatio enevelopes that stated where we were registered and also it stated, that we will also do a wishing well reception. We did not and do not ask for money as we do not need it, but again, to provide your guest with options we have done both.

    Choose the best option for you, but be sure to make sure it is tactful.

    Best wishes
    Wedding Items for Sale http://alexisandadrian611.weebly.com/index.html
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  • PenelopeSnuzPenelopeSnuz
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    @lexakelley, just out of curiosity,  what culture are you?  I always find it really interesting to learn about the different ways people do things!

    image **Married 7/9/11**
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  • hz80408hz80408 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I agree with Penelope on no wishing well...plus I'm kind of confused, b/c if you'd do that at the reception....then what's the "warning" ahead of time?  People usually come to a wedding with either a gift or a card.  It's usually pre-thought out?

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  • Love is BaldLove is Bald
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_honeymoon-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:72Discussion:2c5a9638-8f52-4ed0-b643-87eb25011e36Post:25a8594f-055e-41dc-afcd-feba20038899">Re: Honeymoon money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]@lexakelley, just out of curiosity,  what culture are you?  I always find it really interesting to learn about the different ways people do things!
    Posted by PenelopeSnuz[/QUOTE]

    took the words right outta my mouth!  Ive never heard of a culture that encourages asking for/implying money, bc in theory, that is what a wishing well is.  But.... different strokes for different folks, I guess.
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  • lexakelleylexakelley
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am Puerto Rican and African American. Within my culture, many people have done wishing wells so often, it was kind of following along the lines of  "jumping the broom". When you state you are having a wishing well reception, no one takes it offensive in the African American culture, as it is seen as a way to help send off the newly married couple into a strong financial foundation. 

    Again, we are financially stable, but so many people asked us if we were having a wishing well reception, that we decided to put it on the slips that we inserted with our wedding invitations.

    You all have card boxes, we have a wishing well.  We aren't asking for anything, but some people prefer to give.

    Again to the bride-to-be who asked the orignation question, do what you feel is best and most tactful for your wedding.

    All the best Cool


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  • hannahj1983hannahj1983 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So a wishing well is wrong?  We have a "wish" registry and just listed it on our website as one of our 3 registries.  I don't know, it doesn't seem any more "wrong" to me than asking for 150.00 plates and expensive martini glasses- nobody NEEDS those either-

    Anyway- we did both types- I think it is fine - we did a BB&B, Target and WWW.UponOurStar.com - they all seem to be equally hit- so I am happy Smile
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