Program Advice, Please!!

lawhited

Hi gals... am looking for your advice for the proper protocol on this:

In our program I am planning on listing the names of our grandparents.  However, my FI and I just learned that one of his grandfathers is opting not to attend...not incapable because he's elderly (he is 75 and still works part time), or out of state, in bad health, etc...he lives in the area and is fully capable of going, but simply declining to.  (These are my FI's words - not mine - so in truth we really have no idea on why he's not coming to the wedding.  I also think he's pretty hurt by the decline and went on to tell me more about how his grandfather hasn't been a big part of his families' lives by not attending other weddings, graduations, games, etc.  I've never met him myself nor has he been to any family events that I've attended in our 2+ years of being together).  So, here's where I need some help:

I think we should still list his name in the program -- he is still a grandparent after all.  My FI doesn't think he should be listed since he is choosing not to attend. 

What do you think we should do??  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks in advance!! 

Ainslie325

We listed all of our grandparents in the program-- whether or not they were attending. To me (and it sounds like to you, too) a wedding is a celebration centered on love.  For FI to use your program as an opportunity to penalize FI's grandfather for being crotchety isn't really in the spirit of the celebration.  We listed our living grandparents (including the two who were too ill to make the trip) because we wanted to recognize the role they'd played in our growth-- not because they were walking down the aisle.  We memorialized our grandparents who had passed away elsewhere in the program and ceremony.

It sounds like FI has had an axe to grind with his grandpa since well before the wedding.  Did he really want him there to begin with?  Could he pay grandpa a visit and explain to him how much it would mean to the both of you if he were there to share in the day (assuming he'd like to have him there if grandpa were willing). Hurt feelings are hard to get past, but I'd try to take the high road on this one.  If he still chooses not to come, it will be his loss.  At least you will have made every effort to include and recognize him.

mariannebride

This is a hard situation because you don't want to make the final call on someone who is your fiances family member, but I would try talking to him to convince him that his Grandfather still deserves his name in the program...not for coming to the wedding, but for being a part of who your fiance is on his wedding day. Regardless of mobility, at 75 years old I think a full day of in and out of the ceremony, back in the car, into the reception, standing/sitting/walking, etc. is a little daunting. It might just be too much for him, you know? Maybe if you take that approach your fiance will understand. GL!