How do you determine how much $ to give as a gift?

LawyerLover810

I have a lot of friends and family who are getting married this year/next year. I am interested to know from you ladies how you determine how much money to give as a wedding gift (or if you buy a gift for the wedding, how do you decide how much to spend?).  Do you base it off the per plate cost? Or your relationship with the person getting married?

To me it seems silly to give one of my close friends $x and another $y just because one had a bigger budget and can spend more per plate. A wedding magazine I read recently says it is also appropriate to deteremine the amount based on your relationship. Thoughts? Thanks!

divadancer11

We always start at $200 for the both of us then we look at how close we are with them and it will either go up or down but we figure $100/per person but never go below $150 for the both of us.

Scarlet Starlet 31

For friends, we give $100. 

If it's family, we give by the cultural norm for that family.
On my dad's side of the family, the norm is anywhere from $25 to $50.  If I gave my cousin on that side $100, it would be almost looked at as an insult-like I did it to show off.  It's a weird status quo on that side.
My mom's side, I'd give $100 because they are a little more generous with gifts and have a little more to give than most of my dad's side.
But, I did have a cousin on my mom's side get married and I gave her $20, because that's how much she gave me for mine.

I kind of base it on a little bit of everything-history, culture, relationship, and what I have to give at the time.

gottadance64

For most casual friends and family, I usually give $50 if it's just me, $100 if I bring my bf. If I travel to go to a wedding and have to stay in a hotel, I consider that my gift and even with bf I give no more than $50. For close friends and family always $100.

jmg71780

200 per couple or 100 per person

jmg71780

50 is not enough for 1. That's being cheap., unless it is a very casual small wedding

jmg71780

50 is not enough for 1. That's being cheap., unless it is a very casual small wedding

Smitten2012

I am attending a wedding this weekend - and stumbled on this post and wanted to contribute - I found this really great calculator that seems very reasonable with the considered items it calculated the total gift price:

http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php

Hope this helps

loca4pook

I think I am give 100.00-200.00 or more as I DO try to cover the price of a plate, unless they are going ridiculous and having some type of super lavish affair..

For close friends or family, I definitely give more

Philly2013

Amazing how cheap some people are!!!! Unless you really can't afford it cover the cost of the plate. Some of these hotels are 100150 a plate. 50 is an insult. Take a month off from shopping or cut back on a few dinners. Make a sacrifice bc they paid out of their pocket for you to eat an booze all night . It's a once in a lifetime night for them. If write down each gift an stick it to them later. 25 bucks a person is insane . And don't give some cheap gift and try to pass it off.

heidi+steve

For those who are saying to base the amount off the cost per plate, how do you find out the cost per plate without being rude and asking??

Sugar Rush

I usually only give $100-$150, and $250 for family.  I have 5 weddings this summer/fall and I simply cannot afford to give more than that for each wedding, while paying for my own wedding.  I know im in the minority on my gift-giving, but I give what I can afford. I'm not rolling in dough, especially when I am attending their bridal shower (where I usually spend $75-100 on a gift) and bachelorette party on top of that (whatever cost that amounts to).  Weddings are expensive, I realize this and this is the very reason why I am doing a super small wedding at a restaurant.  I really hope my friend/family member wouldn't judge me because they are luckier than I am to afford a better wedding and a more expensive per-plate meal than I am.  Me personally, I would never judge what anyone gave me as a gift, even it if were $25.

yuriG

I give what I can afford based on my relationship with the bride and groom, hopefully they are happy with the amount and I don't have to hear through the grapevine that they don't agree.

But I guess If I'm expecting a certain amount of money so my invited guest can cover the cost of their own individual consumption, why not just have a cover charge at the door of my wedding reception venue? 

If I have an expectation to make a certain amount of money off each guest in the form of a "gift", the cover charge just cuts to the chase. In fact, I can call it a "gift charge" and not a "cover charge" so it's less tacky and invited guests know what's expected of them up front, they don't have to play any guessing games as to what I expect from them. And the invited guest can tell right up front they can actually afford to be an invited guest at my wedding or not.

And if they can't afford to be an invited guest to my wedding reception, then they can just decline before hand, so I don't lose money off deadbeat guests who don't contribute and I don't have to be completely bitter later over any cheap guests I invited to my wedding! 

Win/win!

Otherwise, I'll probably just have the wedding reception I can actually afford to host and be thrilled to have the people I love witness the start of my life together with the person I love and if the invited guests include a gift, all the better.

jsquared62009

yuriG lol love that response and totally agree

like pp said, I give what I can afford. Usually $100 for the 2 of us. I wouldn't sweat it too much, most couples are grateful for any gift that's given.

thisismynickname2

yuriG said:

I give what I can afford based on my relationship with the bride and groom, hopefully they are happy with the amount and I don't have to hear through the grapevine that they don't agree.

But I guess If I'm expecting a certain amount of money so my invited guest can cover the cost of their own individual consumption, why not just have a cover charge at the door of my wedding reception venue? 

If I have an expectation to make a certain amount of money off each guest in the form of a "gift", the cover charge just cuts to the chase. In fact, I can call it a "gift charge" and not a "cover charge" so it's less tacky and invited guests know what's expected of them up front, they don't have to play any guessing games as to what I expect from them. And the invited guest can tell right up front they can actually afford to be an invited guest at my wedding or not.

And if they can't afford to be an invited guest to my wedding reception, then they can just decline before hand, so I don't lose money off deadbeat guests who don't contribute and I don't have to be completely bitter later over any cheap guests I invited to my wedding! 

Win/win!

Otherwise, I'll probably just have the wedding reception I can actually afford to host and be thrilled to have the people I love witness the start of my life together with the person I love and if the invited guests include a gift, all the better.

Hear, hear!!  I give what I can afford at the time and based on my relationship with the couple. If they threw a more expensive party than the next person.... they threw a more expensive party than the next person. Especially when you're young and attending several weddings a season, you seriously can't expect to not celebrate with your friends and loved ones just because you can't afford the "gift charge".  

pam8787

I have never been to a wedding in my older adult years that I wasn't attending with my mom and she wrote the check in the card. Lol. I think 100 is reasonable for my future husband (in 6 days) and I. We are not rich. Most people are giving us about 100. I think that's reasonable.

happyjenny

It has always depended on how much money we've had available at the time. We didn't have much at our last wedding and gave $20, but the groom was my brother, so we already knew each other a bit : D

playswithfood12

What.? Where do you live? I live in rural Iowa and $100.00 to &200.00 would cover the cost per plate for everybody in the family! Wow.. We are considered middle class people and most the people we know would go broke giving that kind of money per person? I guess unless your filthy rich you should just stay home! Times have changed from what I remember. I didn't know you got invited to a wedding for a money gift. Makes me wonder why I get invitations?

loca4pook

playswithfood12 said:

What.? Where do you live? I live in rural Iowa and $100.00 to &200.00 would cover the cost per plate for everybody in the family! Wow.. We are considered middle class people and most the people we know would go broke giving that kind of money per person? I guess unless your filthy rich you should just stay home! Times have changed from what I remember. I didn't know you got invited to a wedding for a money gift. Makes me wonder why I get invitations?

I think cost is very dependent on cost of living in the area. Chicago is more expensive, so it would be only courteous to give more knowing that. but that is just my opinion.

 

and I would never give less than 100.00 unless I had some financial issue or something....It depends on how close the person is to me to be honest. The closer they are, the more i'd give within reason..

 

 

aekc

Wow -- why do so many people think that it's "cheap" to give the couple what you can afford?!  Last time I checked, my fiance and I were planning a wedding to celebrate our marriage with the people we love, not to wrangle checks and personal savings out of them.  We have a registry but have also suggested people donate to one of our favorite charities if they prefer -- that way they can spend as little or as much as they want, and we never have to know about it.  Also, it's not required that guests even bring gifts (something to keep in mind when you're counting up dollar bills the night of your wedding instead of enjoying yourself). 

loca4pook

aekc said:

Wow -- why do so many people think that it's "cheap" to give the couple what you can afford?!  Last time I checked, my fiance and I were planning a wedding to celebrate our marriage with the people we love, not to wrangle checks and personal savings out of them.  We have a registry but have also suggested people donate to one of our favorite charities if they prefer -- that way they can spend as little or as much as they want, and we never have to know about it.  Also, it's not required that guests even bring gifts (something to keep in mind when you're counting up dollar bills the night of your wedding instead of enjoying yourself). 

Just so you know, telling guests to donate to a charity is in bad etiquette. Ylou should never imply you are expecting a gift, even if it is meant for a charity.

aekc

Telling guests to donate is in poor taste, which is why we've made it abundantly clear that we don't expect gifts (whether donation, monetary, or material).

Skits13

I agree with giving what you can afford. It all really comes down to the financial situation you and your quest are in (college or have a full time job can change what you can give etc).  You must also consider the area they are having the reception, how much you are travelling if flying etc. 

Saying that the guest have a choice to give to a charity I think is GREAT! that really would decrease stress if not able to give what they ideally want and is also doing good for a charity. I have no idea why anyone would see that in poor taste, in fact its really kind and shows that they don't expect anything and just want to have fun. 

Finally I really disagree with trying to find out how much each plate is. Just because someone decides to spend 200 plus on a plate does not mean that YOU need to cover your plate and your guest. That's just absurd. I'm sure for the guest coming there will be some who can afford more and some who can't afford that type of money. Expecting to receive that is rude I think. 

Generally I try to give 100-150 for my fiance and I since we are just gradating. 

agaczol

Regardless of wedding size, type, etc., we do $200 as a couple and if one of us is in the bridal party, we up it to $300. 

wiarzep

 

Generally you want to cover your plate and give a little extra.  It's safe to assume that $100 per person or $200 per couple will do just that.  You never want to give less. 

KatWAG

wiarzep said:

 

Generally you want to cover your plate and give a little extra.  It's safe to assume that $100 per person or $200 per couple will do just that.  You never want to give less. 

Really? I dont think $200 per couple is a standard rule. Give what you can afford. Whether its $25 or $500.

ruthejp13

"I found this really great calculator that seems very reasonable with the considered items it calculated the total gift price: 
http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php"

Smitten Thank YOU!!! This helped tons!

I'm in a financially good position but airfare to the wedding I was invited to was 3 times what I normally pay for the same destination when I have flexibility on the dates. This is a second marriage for both and they are financially strapped because of their bad decisions. I was offended that nothing on the registry was under $150. The calculator suggested only $90. I loved all the choices and I'm going to try it again with some different choices. In the end it is still my choice as to how much I give.