Illinois-Chicago

bridal shower if you elope or have destination wedding?

because my fiances family, including himself, are all unemplyed, and it would only be my dad helping us out with the wedding, we are thinking of either eoloping or at least finding the money to fly out to las vegas and get married there.  if we do decide that we might put it out there for anyone who would like to join us.  We just brought a new house as well (before everyone became unemplyed) and we can really use a lot of stuff.  If we dont have to wait another year and half to get married and can do it in the next couple of months,  is it ethical or ok to have at least a bridal shower to register for gifts even if we dont have a wedding/ceremony near the fam?  Just curious on what people think of that cause we would go ahead and save for a party when we come back if we did the vegas thing, but that might be up to a year, and again I don't want to sound greedy, but it would be really helpful to be able to register soon.  thanks fellow brides!

Re: bridal shower if you elope or have destination wedding?

  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    Regardless of the reason you are eloping it is rude to invite anyone to the shower that isn't invited to the wedding.  So, unless you are inviting and hosting these guests at your wedding, you cannot have a shower with them invited. 

    This does not mean that you can't register.  It would proabably be preferable to register because there will be some people that will want to buy you a gift.

  • edited December 2011
    First of all you can't host your own shower, so if no one offers to throw you a shower you don't get one.  Second of all eloping is fine, inviting people to only the shower and not the wedding is not.  I know you said you might have a party a year later, also a wonderful idea, but again, if people are not invited to the wedding you don't get a shower.

    Here's what I think you should do, go ahead and register now, if people want to/ can afford to buy you a gift they will, if not then that's just the way it goes.  You could also wait a little while to get married, save up some money and have something small closer to your family.  I'm sure a year seems like a long time but trust me it goes by fast!

    Whatever you do, don't invite people to a shower and not the wedding and please don't try to host your own shower, people are going to see right through you.  Best of luck! 
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  • chosen175chosen175 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to say, but both of your options are going to make you come off as greedy.  I'm doing a destination wedding as well and am not having a shower.  I will register, because people have already been asking me about my registry, but my first inclination was not to register at all.  I didn't want people to think I only cared about the gifts - that's not why we're getting married.

    Generally, elopements are done because the couple doesn't want a huge wedding and all the hooplah that goes with it.  And an elopement is usually only known to the bride & groom until after it has already taken place.  Therefore, nobody would know about your impending wedding to even think about throwing you a shower. 

    The general rule of thumb for destination weddings is to do your at-home reception within 3-5 months of your wedding.  Otherwise you will come off as just wanting gifts.  The point of the at-home reception is to celebrate your new marriage - and at a year or so after the fact, your marriage isn't new anymore. 

    While I can understand needing/wanting new things for your new home, it really isn't your friends/family's responsibility to furnish your new home.  Obviously, you have clothes, towels, etc already - just use those until you can afford to purchase new ones, or ask for new things for Christmas.  To be honest, though, I think it's a really awful idea to try and plan a wedding when neither of you are working.  I say wait until your lives are a little more stable.  GL!
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