did this happen to you?

slimsella4

I am finally getting married on Saturday. With three days to go at least 7  people told us this week they were not coming that originally replied yes! I had to give my final head count last week. I'm so upset! That's like $700 down the drain!

jbll326

We had 10 people not show and they didn't even tell us. So rude and expensive!!! But at least you have some advanced notice and could maybe invite some other people. Yes, I know it's not good ettiquette, as it's clearly a last minute invite, but I've been on the receiving side before for some acquaintances' weddings and I wasn't offended and had a wonderful time at their weddings. Depending on your relationship, I think most people would understand. You could also reach out to some close friends/family and ask if they wanted to invite anyone else (like I would have asked my brother if he wanted to invite some of his close friends if I had advanced warning). You've already paid for those dinners, so someone might as well eat them!!

Ainslie325

Have you tried to call your venue?  Even though the final number date has passed, they might be understanding.  We were okay on numbers at the end-- had one guest who was waffling on bringing his on-again, off-again gf, but ultimately her meal was eaten by my elderly great uncle, who was a party animal and just couldn't stay away.  He had initially declined, but he found someone to stay with his wife, who was sick at home.  My grandmother was elated to have her only living brother there, and there was room at her table.  My grandfather passed away nine years ago, so her brother was her date for the night!

The most frustrating thing is when folks decide not to attend at the last minute and you know that they're aware of what it's costing and just don't care.  By this I mean the folks who have themselves planned and paid for weddings, etc.  I also especially like the friends who attend with a random date, enjoy their meal, and don't even leave a card.  Don't get me wrong, I understand that not everyone may be able to afford a gift (especially with the economy and jobless numbers as they are), but everyone can make a card and write some well wishes, or buy one for $.99 at Target.  Those guests just make me shake my head.

kellym050370

We had 10 people not show and they didn't even tell us. So rude and expensive!!! But at least you have some advanced notice and could maybe invite some other people. Yes, I know it's not good ettiquette, as it's clearly a last minute invite, but I've been on the receiving side before for some acquaintances' weddings and I wasn't offended and had a wonderful time at their weddings. Depending on your relationship, I think most people would understand. You could also reach out to some close friends/family and ask if they wanted to invite anyone else (like I would have asked my brother if he wanted to invite some of his close friends if I had advanced warning). You've already paid for those dinners, so someone might as well eat them!!


I definitely agree with this. I too have had last minute invites like this and I wasn't offended.  Further, maybe you didn't allow plus ones so now you can call a few people and offer that to them as well?  It never hurts to ask.  Just explain to people the situation and see what happens!

morgie44

That totally sucks, but at least they told you!  We had an entire table just not show up (2 different families, too)   No call, no card, no nothing before or after the wedding!   Soo annoying! 

kmrazek

I'm waiting for this to happen to me in a couple days.  Should I go down 2 or 4 on my final number?  There's a few family members that RSVP yes to things and never show, and a couple friends of the fiance coming from another state are back and forth depending upon the girlfriend situation (I don't know...). 

I'm sorry that happened  

peggyo10

i have to say, i cannot imagine RSVPing yes to someone's wedding and just not going! 

obviously, if you're sick, or there's an emergency, that's understandable.  but to simply blow it off?  crazy!

Sparkette19

Can you ask your venue if you can apply that money for something else. For example, we booked our venue so early and had to give an estimate number of guests. I way over estimated and we were stuck paying that amount for the reception. Well, we worked something out with our venue where we would pay for the plates that weren't going to be used (over $1000) but we were able to upgrade in so many ways. We upgraded our meals , appetizers and ended up getting additional services that day.

Our venue said that we could use the money for select upgrades. Certain things, outside of their control such as linens were not included. They were really considerate about it.

It's totally worth asking about. I think they might be willing to work with you considedring a lot of this business can be word of mouth.

jbll326

kmrazek - yes, I would lower your final count by a few. I found out later that at our venue, you could add guests to the final count up until the day before the wedding, but you couldn't subtract any numbers. So it's better to give a lower count when due and then add more later. I would confirm with your venue/caterer first though.

mariannebride

That's terrible...I seriously don't understand people. You would think that, by now, they would understand wedding etiquette and the fact that you paid. I agree with the other ladies' advice... I had this happen with 2 couples for our wedding and I just let my sister invite her best friends. I originally didn't think we could accomodate them but since I had already paid and I did know them it was perfect and my sister (also the MOH) had a better night because of it!

vszyman

I had a few people tell me: take your final count and then subtract 10 and give it to the venue.  Wish I had done this:  they will always add seats if necessary, but will never subtract. 

I probably had 7 no-shows, from the guy that just couldn't get a date (even though he RSVP'd plus one) to a couple of unpredictables (someone got the flu, someone threw her back out, etc.).

My wedding was a winter wedding; so we were worried about our 100+ travelers- but we didn't get one single travel cancellation even though the majority flew/drove/trecked through a snowstorm.  Just goes to show, that as a guest if you really want to make it, you can make it. 

But hey- YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEK!!  WOOHOO!!!  Ask the venue what/if there is anything you can do (or what they can do), but don't let this drag you down!  What's done is done- and have the time of your life!

jhwkgirl

In regards to the not leaving a card - technically, you have 1 year to give a gift.  I've been running late before and not had time to stop or have forgotten a card and have mailed it or gone on a registry a week or two later and had something shipped.  I like to do it in a timely fashion, but that's not everyone.

That is horrible that people don't let you know.  I have a coworker who's niece had her wedding and TWENTY-FIVE people didn't show up.  TWENTY-FIVE!