Married Ladies - looking back...(advice for brides)

hz80408

....are there things you would change about your wedding/reception?  Any words of advice for the brides-in-planning?

Eener23

As you know, I'm pretty fresh off mine so not too much time to reflect. LOL!

The one thing I would say is to learn acceptance and how to be flexible. I burned into my brain from the beginning that SOMETHING would go wrong & that I would have no control over it and that no wedding is 100% perfect. To be ready to roll with anything that came my way & it kept me sane. 

kellym050370

I loved my DJ but I didn't love the management of the company we used.  Unfortunately it was too late in the planning process to do anything about that.

We had our ceremony and reception in the same room and I would still do that but I would have fought harder to set up the room different, as some guests had a hard time seeing us.

Other than that no.  I enjoyed planning it and miss that I can't plan another one!

klynn13

Honestly, I don't think there is anything I would change. Unless, you can somehow make it not go by so fast!! That was my only disappointment! I wish we had taken a moment just the two of us to stand off on the side of the reception and take everything in for a minute. 

One thing we are really happy we did is giving people our cameras. We each have a camera and gave them both to family members to take pictures. It was great seeing pictures the next day! It is so hard waiting for the photographer's pictures!

aimers1525

I would have gone with my gut about chosing a different florist. I ended up going with the florist that was the cheapest, but not by much. I could've had much nicer flowers and had everything done per my instructions if I had gone with someone else and paid just a little bit more. I'm angry looking at pictures b/c my flowers and centerpieces were not how I wanted them. I know no one else really noticed except my mom and I but still..

I also wish I would have taken more time to do more DIY stuff to add a few more details.

Otherwise, everything went exactly how we had planned. I was not stressed, just nervous/anxious!

hz80408

Thanks ladies!

Overall I'm thrilled with our wedding and how everything turned out.  Like Eener said, when the day comes it's best to just realize that you've planned as much as you could and the day-of, there's really nothing you can do to control what happens (whether it's rain, CPs not looking like you wanted, etc).  You just have to sit back and focus on yourself/ceremony/FI.

Like Aimee, there are little things, like I wish I would have put a bow on our programs, gone with one different CP option, etc.  But these are all petty things that only I really know I could/would have done differently.

I was really happy to have done a bathroom basket and had advil in there b/c I started to get a headache from my hair being up.  Another thing I was thrilled we decided to do was a late-night snack.  Before the wedding, I swore I wouldn't be one of those brides who didn't eat dinner, but when the time came, my nerves were so worked up I barely touched my food.    We served pizza later and put out extra cake; I had another slice of cake and 2 or 3 pieces of pizza I was so hungry!

Scarlet Starlet 31

I am a second time bride but I can share advice from my first wedding.

Inevitably, something is going to go wrong.  When it happens, smile and move on.
(At my first wedding, our officiant forgot our vows and had to stop the ceremony to go get them.  Then at the reception, I was informed by our awful band that my MIL (now ex'MIL, thank God) had hired an Elvis impersonator and he would be going on stage in 15 seconds.  He had a thick Polish accent and nobody could even understand him.)

Also, don't sweat the small stuff-nobody is going to pick up your napkins and compare them to your chair covers to ensure that they're the same shade of chambord. Focus your attention on the things that really matter.
 

barbbhoww

Its been a year and a half, but don't skimp on your photog.  I did, and now I am kicking myself.  Ugh.

Give your parents lots of love on this day - it's harder then they will let you know.

Make time to have one on one with your hubby after the ceremony alone.  We just held each other alone for a few minutes before we were pushed out to take pictures.  

Get a DOC..trust me.  I walked into the room to rest in my dress before the ceremony and found out they didn't decorate the cermony..just left my box there.  Cue freakout.

barbbhoww

Oh, and I was told to do this and now tell everybody getting married.

When your sitting there at dinner, take a mental picture of everything going on.  Remind yourself to do this and really focus in on the food, fun, people and laughter.  I still have the image stuck in my head.

HandBanana

Ditto PP on relaxing.

Remember that you create your own anxiety.  Just smile, breath, and take everything in.

My one reget I guess is that it went so fast.  There were photos I wanted but we didn't get to because time just flies.  That being said, I wouldn't trade the photos I have for the ones I didn't get.  Only focus on the positive because if you sit there and get upset about having no photos of your centerpieces, you will ruin your day.

Also, pack two nights before.  I totally only packed for the morning of the ceremony and forgot to pack pajamas and clothes for the day after the ceremony.  I didn't even pack my makeup or hair stuff or anything.

Ignore your BIL when he starts acting like an ass at the reception or while you are going around doing photos.  Resist the urge to yell at him/her.  It will only make the situation worse.  Remember, it is not  a reflection of you and he is only making himself look like an ass, (repeat if needed but replace BIL with SIL, cousin, friend, etc.)

Pretty much do not get caught up in what other people are or are not doing at your wedding.  Hell, I didn't find out till a month later that some dramaz happened and ladies were crying (lol H cousin gave them a stern talking to about it being my day.)  As I said before, only you give it the power to ruin your day.

aimers1525

In Response to Re: Married Ladies - looking back...(advice for brides):
[QUOTE Pretty much do not get caught up in what other people are or are not doing at your wedding.  Hell, I didn't find out till a month later that some dramaz happened and ladies were crying (lol H cousin gave them a stern talking to about it being my day.)  As I said before, only you give it the power to ruin your day.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]
Ditto this. There was drama w/one of our groomsmen and his gf and with DH's cousin bringing a random.  If I would have known I would have been SO angry, so it's a good thing I didn't!

thealphabride

Do Not cheap out on photography or videography!!!!  Our photographer produced some great images, but I was extremely upset that some key family pics were missed because she was spending time taking portraits with hubby and I.

I asked her 3 times to get the family pics and she just kept saying, I just want a few more with you and Steve. This caused a complete rush through the family pics and she missed getting me with the grooms family. NONE with me him and his family at all. AND a large family pic I wanted of our extended family, and I had everyone be there for the pics 2 hours beofre the wedding and she didn't get the pics, and I'm still pissed about it almost a year later. By the time we were doing the family pics I was getting a bit nervous because the wedding time was looming and I wanted to get out of sight and by that time I was getting scattered with so much going through my head and all the excitement, I just couldn't monitor the photog. She also had her big fat head in the middle of most of my video too. The video guy told me she appologized so she knew what she was doing and didn't care.

The videographer: Shoot the Bride Films. In the end I got a fairly good video. Much luckier than the others who either got NOTHING, or RAW video only, or really bad video. If you want the whole ugly story on this guy search it on this board.

Other than that my day was absolutely beautiful and I loved every minute of it.

My other advice is to get everything ready ahead of time. Weeks ahead of time if you can. It really relieves stress at the last minute. As my DYI were completed, I packed into a box for the venue. I had everything packed and ready to go a week before the wedding, even my suitcase was packed. I made 2 lists for the DOC. I just had to throw in a few last minute items into an overnighter the mornng of the wedding.

Relax take it all in and enjoy your day and your guests. We had a beautiful day, our one year anniversary is on Sunday.

LawyerLover810

Thank you so much for your advice ladies! I am ALMOST a year away and love getting advice, there are so many things I never think of and I appreciate all your knowledge!

Golfer09

I would say to add additional buffer time in your timeline when trying to mobilize the wedding party for pictures and events in your timeline.  I thought my timeline was adequate but we got a late start for hair and makeup (some people arrived late) and our original time to load up the bus to take pictures before the ceremony/reception was delayed for about 45 min to an hour.

Things like people wanting to go to the bathroom, disappearing...the larger the group the more buffer to corral everyone.  Also, taking off two weeks before my wedding helped a lot so I wasn't overwhelmed with "to do's". 

Am very glad that I splurged for cinematography - your day will fly and while pictures do capture moments, there is something about the video where you will be able to re-live your wedding more vividly.  Do research by looking at samples, blogposts (not what they have posted on their website as in their portfolio....those are always going to be their best work).

Last piece of advice is if you can swing it, take a pre-wedding trip to get away from the stress of wedding planning.  This ended up being our defacto honeymoon because we were going to wait until the late spring to honeymoon but 1 month after getting hitched I got pregnant...another piece of advice there - don't assume if you go off the pill after being on it awhile that it will take some time for your body to reboot. 

While we don't regret having our little one and can't imagine life without her, we will both admit to being a bit shocked upon hearing that we were expecting so soon when we weren't planning for a +1! 

daizee32

This is a great post for all of us girls in the planning stages.  Thanks for creating it!  

lexakelley

My best advice I would give is "Don't sweat the small stuff"!!! I would also say that you must be sure to look around the entire room during the reception to let it all soak in!!! That was the best advice I received from one of the brides before my wedding, and it was the BEST!!!

Spend wisely, do not end your wedding with debt!!! We paid for everything in cash and we budgeted accordingly, because after the big day was done, we still needed to live !!!

I would also say that you should understand that weddings will bring the best and the worst out of people, but as long as you and your FI are ready and love and are in love with each other, all will work great!!

Also...THE KNOTTIES are great for reality checks and real advice!!! These ladies were always there to give the best and honest advice ever!!!

ENJOY YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!

swiatekbride

Thanks for all the advice and thanks for making this post!

MrsPaps

Ditto alot of what the others said.

I made a decision that whatever projects I did not get done by Wednesday, were being dropped. I wanted to enjoy the last few days of our engagement and enjoy our friends and families company when they starting arriving.

Invest in your photos, those are the best memories of your day and you want to make sure you are not missing anything! Don't be afraid to ask for what you want from your vendors, they are there to project your vision on your day.

Take 5 min before your reception starts to have a minute alone with your new hubby. We did this during the cocktail hour and it was amazing.

Enjoy your day! I had the best time ever at my wedding and even though there were things I didn't do that I should have, I have no regrets looking back.

MrsMLRB

Ditto on don't skimp on the photographer and videographer. We skimped on the photographer and I was looking through the images on the disc this afternoon and cried half the time. There are no photos of our ketubah witnesses signing or the front of us recessing (the one in my siggy a friend took), or one of the three times when DH dipped me during our first dance. I feel like he was off taking pictures of flowers during key times or something. And I didn't pay him to take pictures of flowers.

Also, if you can swing it, hire a DOC. I paid two former tennis players to be in charge of setting stuff up and the venue was really rude and they left before dinner (which we had paid for). I really wish I had hired a professional (or at least an adult).

hz80408

Glad this post is helpful for so many of you! :O)

jbll326

Ditto don't skimp on photog or videographer. You won't remember the day like you expect you will - I remember snapshots of the day, no movie in my head like I thought I would - so I'm so glad I have the photos and video.

Ditto on weddings bringing out the best and worst. Between both sides of our family, none of our 3 uncles attended our wedding for various reasons. As heartbreaking as it was at first, I came to realize that the people that love me most in the world were there for me and that's all that mattered; don't let yourself get caught up in who is and isn't there or any family drama.
 
If you're sending out STDs, send them only to the core people that you know you will be inviting to the wedding for sure. If you have some coworkers or acquaintances that you're 99% sure about inviting, I would just leave them off the STD list; we had big issues with those "periphery" type of people that we sent STDs to and then our relationship changed with them before the wedding and we no longer wanted them there.  I wish I had just sent them to family and our core group of friends.

Finally, enjoy every moment of the planning process and the wedding day - it goes by so fast!

angeliu27

Ditto ditto- Don't sweat the smal stuff. 

The day will go by so quickly.  Don't forget to sit back and absorb and take mental pictures of your day.

Don't skimp on your Photographer.  We spent a good chunk of money on our photographer, but it was soooooo worth it!  He captured some moments that we didn't get a chance to see.

Don't forget to provide a checklist of the photos you want from your photographer.

Cater lunch for the bridal party.  We did a sandwich basket from Corner Bakery and our bridal party thanked us (otherwise it will make for a long day)

soccerchica604

klynn13...you look like the girl from FOUR WEDDINGS that got married at the genesse theatre lol