i just want to scream

michelleand dave

everytime i get happy about something some one poo poos my idea.  I wanted to get married at illinois beach and my in-laws and my father said its to expensive and we are waiting to long to get married.  I picked out a dress i really liked and i was told it was not traditional enough and it needs to be floor length.  then I though screw you I am going to vegas and now my father is worried about everyone traveling and thinks i should just do it all here.  I have a budget starting at 5000 dollars and a guest list that gets bigger everytime i sneeze.  i just want everyone to say that sounds good and stop making me feel like i have to make them all happy.  i just want someone to help me with the planning instead of just saying no!!! My FI doesnt say it to me so why should anyone else???  Sorry for the venting I just do not know what to do and I am sure I am not the only one.  Oh also my wedding just got moved up from 2012 to 2011....

MsBunny312

I understand your frustration. First, your fiance and you need to sit down and decide what the two of you want, if you haven't already. What the most important priorities are. What's important is that the wedding reflects the two of you and that you stay strong together regardless of outside pressure. You are creating a new family, and while your families of origin are important, they do not get to decide how your wedding will go.

Once the two of you have what you want figured out, deal with outside pressure to an idea by saying it was a joint decision by you and your partner. Their input is welcome but the two of you will be making the final decisions. Seriously, this is important that you emphasize that the decisions will be made by your partner and you. You need to learn to back up each other now and stay strong, because otherwise your families will try to tell you how to run your lives for the rest of time.

I really suggest checking out apracticalwedding.com. They have been sanity saving for me and have some good advice on how to deal with outside pressure, both the family kind and WIC kind.

And pick the dress you want. You're the one wearing it and you should look and feel like yourself. If that's not traditional, they will have to deal with it. They should know you by now to realize that traditional might not be your style.

SheDiva4

MsBunny said it perfectly....

Once you and your Ii decide what you want, don't share the details with everyone.  People will feel that since you share details with them that they can tell you what they think.

Best of luck!

sgylling

Unless people are helping with the costs, that pretty much entitles them to a say in whatever they are paying for...unless they don't care, but it sounds like they do!

ewenner

I agree totally with Ms Bunny.  Assuming you and FI are footing the bill, then you get final say in the decisions.  If you do have people helping pay, you may have to be more accomodating. 

Sparkette19

First, your grammar is horrible.

Second, if you have a smaller budget you should start doing your research into affordable places. Check out the DIY boards they have really good ideas.

michelleand dave

Please do not be rude I think I have enough of that right now.  I asked for help with my wedding not my grammar.  Thanks for the advice.

Ainslie325

"i just want someone to help me with the planning instead of just saying no!!! My FI doesnt say it to me so why should anyone else???"

Do you have any concept of how spoiled this sounds? 

***

I will echo what others have said: if your family members are contributing, then you need to sit down with them to hash out what each contributing party feels is important in this celebration.  Just because it's "your day" doesn't mean that other parties' needs should be disregarded (particularly if they're helping financially). You've been angry that your folks think Illinois Beach is too expensive, but also angry that your guest list is too large.  It sounds like you need to hone in on your own priorities here:

-Do you want a pricier venue at the expense of excluding some people from the guest list?
-Is it more important to have guests at your reception and scale back the venue?
-Do you truly want a destination wedding, or was the Vegas idea just a relatiatory move that you floated in anger and frustration?
-Are you willing to wait longer and save more in order to fund both, or is it more important to be married sooner ratehr than later?

I may be in the minority here, but I never was under the impression that my wedding day was about me, or even about my husband and me.  For us, it was a day about family.  While our parents did help us financially with our wedding, I would have tried to give as much consideration to what they wanted from the experience as possible. 

Step back, take a deep breath, and figure out what really is and is not important to you here. Not everything needs to be fought for and fought over- figure out what you NEED from the day and work with those involved to make it happen.

kthame

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_just-want-scream?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:7646d0cf-1cd5-4634-8f9e-869690974ce0Post:a27057eb-9ad4-4642-bed2-cc4cad590b92">Re: i just want to scream</a>:
[QUOTE]"i just want someone to help me with the planning instead of just saying no!!! My FI doesnt say it to me so why should anyone else???" Do you have any concept of how spoiled this sounds?  ***

I may be in the minority here, but I never was under the impression that my wedding day was about me, or even about my husband and me.  For us, it was a day about family.  Step back, take a deep breath, and figure out what really is and is not important to you here. Not everything needs to be fought for and fought over- figure out what you NEED from the day and work with those involved to make it happen.
Posted by Ainslie325[/QUOTE]

Completely agree with this...