ugh, so sick of some of this stuff!

MrsPaps

so we've been engaged now for almost 2 years. alot of planning is done and now we're working on the DIY projects and invites and stuff. we've had the mentality that we have so much time and as of today, we have 10 months so we really need to get the ball rolling on getting stuff done. My FI just doesn't have any sense of urgency or anything! he says he wants to help but I have to ask him so many times to do something. I sent him his guest list 2 weeks ago asking for address and as of tonight, he's not collected one address.
it's just frustrating cause I feel like I'm planning this alone and I'm honestly starting to not care because I've been looking at stuff for so long!!

I just had to get that off my chest, thanks for listening

Love is Bald

I hear ya on this one girl!!  I asked FI two months ago to start gathering addresses for our save the dates and my list is completely done and his side cimpletely empty!!  Guys just have no concept of why things are so important nor what it is like to spearhead the planning of their own wedding!  If they had it their way, the reception would be at a bar and anyone who know's about it just shows up and you hope for the best... lol!!

Maybe its time for a quick, stern talk that he needs to participate?  I would imagine that would help do the trick!

Scarlet Starlet 31

Honestly, 10 months is still kind of a long time.  If you had to mail out your invites in 3 weeks, I could understand wanting to light a fire under him, but I can see where he wouldn't consider it a huge priority at this time. 
If it's bothering you that much and you feel hurt that he's not helping, explain you realize maybe the addresses aren't an immediate priority, but you'd like to get his help with (insert diy project here) now to get it out of the way.  Focus on one project, and when that's done, then ask him what he thinks you two should work on together next so you're focusing on doing stuff together and on stuff that he does want to help with. 

Golfer09

Our engagement was for 18 months so we had a lot of time too - during my planning I would get the response "why do we have to do this now?  we have XX months until the wedding..." 

I would negotiate with him as being "one and done" and would batch activities together promising him that once that got done, there would be an idle period where no wedding stuff would be brought up to him.  He either had a choice of "slow burn" where he'd have to deal with stuff constantly, or "big bang" where we tried to get as much done as possible in the shortest period of time.

I think for the most part, guys don't want to be eating, breathing, planning weddings all the time like us gals....especially those with long engagements!

Annie_Warbucks

I've found that if I give my FI a deadline, like "This needs to be completely done by XXX date" - that helps. Friendly email reminders are always good too! WE set up a google calendar that both of us can see with our Gmail and I will add things to it that we have scheduled and payment dates and other deadlines. That has been very helpful with both of us keeping up on what is going on. 

 But yeah I wouldn't be getting addresses until closer to when you actually need them. You don't want people moving between now and then. 

aimers1525

I did something similar to what @annie did. We have a google site that has all the important dates on it; wedding and NWR related. 

So far, FI has been okay with most everything I've asked him to do.  I did mention something about addresses to him recently (we're sending save the dates in Oct.), but his response was, "I have most of mine on the excel document". I looked at it and his "most" = 10 hahahaaa

I think it's probably frustrating for brides because at least for me, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of something wedding related (esp. because I play on TK all day long!).  Guys aren't inundated with color schemes, monograms and candy buffets like we are.

MrsPaps

thanks girls, nice to know I'm not in this alone with him! we need addresses now for out Save the Dates which will be sent out by the end of the month. I'd like to get projects done now so we won't have to rush to finish things later. I know if I ask him to do something, he will but sometimes I would just like to not have to ask.
one can dream, right

jessNlane52804

As for addresses, I knew DH would procrastinate so I told him that we needed them a month before we really did. I didn't bug him and the addresses were done in time.

As for general wedidng help, he would do anything I asked but he didn't really get motivated until about two months out. Prior to that he didn't really have many thoughts or opinions about the planning, but after the two month point it was real to him and he could better understand the planning. For example, I mentioned a doing a first look at 6 months to go and he had no opinion. A month out from the wedding he randomly told me one day that he thought it was a really great idea. My point is, it's probably not that he doesn't care, it's just that it's too soon to really hit him.