Illinois-Chicago

Newly Engaged and already overwhelmed!

Hi Knoties!
I am newly engaged and ready to get this planning started, but don't know where to start!  I've asked my FMIL and my mom to start making lists (with A,B,& C rankings) to get a rough number for the guest list. We have our budget, so should we start looking for venues first?  We don't have a specific date in mind, just hoping to find a venue we like and then pick the date. Am I starting off on the right foot here? Help- I'm already overwhelmed! Embarassed

Re: Newly Engaged and already overwhelmed!

  • edited December 2011
    Congrats!  First off I picked the date that we wanted and confirmed the date with my church (since I knew that was the very most important thing for me).  Next I started looking at venues, because then once that is booked you have the details to give all the other vendors.

    Congrats again, and have fun with wedding planning!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • divadancer11divadancer11 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Congrats!!!!!
    Agreed right in the beginning it is extremely overwhelming but try to take deep breaths :) Easier said then done....

    With us, we got engaged in July and I knew I wanted a Sept wedding and since we dont belong to a church the venue was first on our list. I would suggest that before you go and look at places you and your FI should write down things that matter and dont matter to you in a venue so that your selection can be directed in a better path. For example our biggest thing that we wanted was to be the only wedding so that slimmed down our locations big time!!!! Since Sept is a "hot" month places were going quick and as we found our venue I started researching the churches in the area at the same time so we signed with the church and venue in the same week.

    In regards to your budget you need to have a rough idea of how many people you will have because that can change everything!!!! Especially when you have already asked the parents to start their lists.....

    The planning will get fun once you have the venue and a date.....I PROMISE :) That to me was the most stressful

    Have a good time with it and please let me know if you need any recommendations as we have been to 21 weddings and are pretty familiar with venues in the burbs :)

    Good Luck!
    Happy Monday
  • edited December 2011
    Definitely lock in your venue first! You'll be surprised at how fast things get booked.
  • Golfer09Golfer09 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I got engaged in mid June and by that time, to get a venue for the following year summer/fall was not easy - very slim pickings.   I agree with the PPs and say getting the venue is the first thing to do. 

    You need to decide if you want a full service venue (where they provide catering, liquor, cake, tables, chairs, chinaware, silverware etc) or if you just want a venue and have the freedom to select caterers, bring in your own liquor.  With full service you get less freedom and might have to pay a little more (liquor costs are pretty costly).  With venue only you have the extra work to have to deal with additional vendors.

    If you have a budget, work backwards to see how much you want to spend per person for food/liquor (assumimg that you have an approximate # of people you want to attend your wedding).  This will drive your venue budget.  Some venues (hotels/banquet halls) have minimum spends on weekends (like $20 grand) so be mindful of that.  I would then call the venues you like and ask about their available dates and what their price comes with (lighting, dancing floor, chair covers, cake, liquor package, appetizer package, meal package, late night snack, dessert bar, valet parking....and for how long etc).

    I hope this helps - it does get overwhelming and if wedding planning is not something you enjoy, see if hiring a wedding planner is worth it to you.  They can get you inside discounts, and make the wedding planning process a lot less stressful.  They say that some of the discounts they can get you helps pay for their services in itself.  I had a pseudo planner provided by my caterer and it was helpful to bounce ideas off of him though I did a lot of the upfront work myself. 

    From my experience, I felt that during my 18 month engagement I had two jobs, my regular day job and then my wedding planning "job" which sometimes kept me awake until 2-3am to get everything organized.  I had to call a moratorium from wedding planning for a few months to keep sane.  I also had a lot of DIY elements so that added to my stress. 

    Good luck and it definitely gets easier after you get the big vendors booked and out of the way!
    Our wedding SDE: https://player.vimeo.com/video/8491081 Our wedding Feature: PW=demo
  • edited December 2011
    I feel the same way! We only got engaged a few days ago, and of course have no answers to any of the "when, where, how many, etc." questions.

    I'd like to soak it all in for at least a week before we dive into planning (the guest list and budget first, of course). :)
  • hz80408hz80408 member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board and congrats!

    You've gotten some great advice, and I'll just echo that.  Budget is the number one thing to establish and after that it's a guest list and booking a venue based on your guest list.  However, in booking a venue you should also consider: distance from church (if applicable), where out of town (OOT) guests will stay, what do you want to serve (do you want a full sit-down meal or completely open bar, etc). 

    After you find a place you like that meets your criteria and budget, book it!

    We had a set date when we got engaged and even though we had 14 months to plan, a lot of the venues we were interested in (and could afford) were already booked.
  • edited December 2011
    congrats!!! and let me tell you i felt that same way when we got in engaged this past july.. i lost weight almost instantly from the stress and anxiety!!!  the budget is the first thing to decide on.. without a budget you can not start to look at venues because most places are per plate prices and so knowing your budget and estimated amount of guests is very important. I starting looking right away at venues because if you book early (our wedding is april 2013, and we were engaged july 2011) places may offer you discounts or incentives..and the places fill up fast!!  if you dont have a specific month or date that is special and a must have to get married on, Oct/Nov-April are considered "off season" for many venues and also offer additional discounts. =)  we are april 2013 and because we gave a deposit so early got 25% off per plate and had colored linens and chair covers discounted. the church did not have a calendar out far enough, so we could not technically book that yet...but its been noted on a post-it in their office.

    after the venue is booked (about 50% of your budget generally) alot of stress will be lifted and things should start to get fun in the planning process!!

    we also did our photographer early...if you have someone in mind, they may be booking into 2013 too. our photographer was booking into march 2013, so i am glad we jumped on that right away and got her for april 2013...

    typically budget planning, venue and church booking, photographer and videographer booking, and DJ booking i am finding to be the most important to do and do early!!

    the other stuff you can do slower and later.... we are not going to look at flowers until the season is appropriate for our wedding because flowers in December will not be the same as flowers available in march-may.

    hope this helps!!! but just remember it will get easier after you get past the amount of money to have a wedding costs.  =)  compare different places online and contact via email before going out.. it may help eliminate some venues right away. and don't be afraid to ask for some incentives and "what can you do for me?" type questions... we got out plate prices reduced, chair covers discounted, and colored linens add in for free as well as late night snacks for free. also had the bar package upgraded at no additional charge.

      i am too nervous to ask in person, so i did all my negotiating thru email  =)

    good luck!! sorry so long of a post.
  • hz80408hz80408 member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    FYI, in recent years I've read in several magazines and from vendors that Oct is now considered the 2nd most popular month for weddings following June. Although that's debatable, it is popular now too
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