Divorced parent dilemma

AshleyK2011

I'm getting ready to start looking at dresses and I don't know what to do about who to bring with me.  I obviously will be bringing my mom and most likely my sister.  I know my stepmom really wants to come with as well.  My parents have been divorced for a while and my mom and my stepmom get along about as well as an ex-wife and a current wife possibly could, so it wouldn't be too awkward (at least in the sense that they get along) for her to be there.  My stepmom and I have a mostly good relationship but I don't know if I want her there as well.  My stepmom and my dad are paying for the majority of my wedding but my mom is picking up my dress, so I don't feel like I'm obligated to ask her.  I feel like this is something special that I want to do with just my mom but I also feel like her feelings would be incredibly hurt if I didn't ask her to come as well.  We've had issues in the past where I've asked for it to only be my mom at certain events and I know her feelings have been hurt by that in the past and I can only imagine this will be ten times worse.   On the other hand, I think that this is something my mom would like to just be me and her (and my sister too) and I'm worried that her feelings will be a little hurt if I ask my stepmom to come with. 

Anyone been through a similar situation and have any advice on what to do?  I'm thinking that I may ask my mom how she feels first and go from there. 

Love is Bald

I don't have any advice to give, but to sympathize with you in making a difficult decision.  In the end, someone is going to feel hurt or (this word may be a little bit of a stretch) but betrayed, to some degree.  However, you are your mother's daughter.  Have you asked your mom how she would feel, hypothetically, if your step mom came with? 

I'm also a firm believer that you need to do what makes you happy too.  Eh, tough situation Ashley!  good luck!

alexilyse

From your post, it seems like you want it to be just your mom and sister.  I hope that your step mom would understand.  Is there another aspect of the planning that you could invite your step mom to be a part of?  Maybe cake tasting?  Meeting with the florist?  Catering tasting?

It's a tough situation to be in.  Good luck with your decision.

sgylling

You could have just your mom and sister go to pick out your dress, then have your step mom go along to your fittings so she can see you in it before the wedding.

LexiMS

I went dress shopping a bunch of times.  The first time was with my Mom, but then I was back here in Chicago (My mom is in Boston).  I took my FSIL and FMIL for a second look at the dresses I was considering.  If you narrow it down, you can always bring your step-mom for a second opinion.  At least in my experience its not going to be a one day thing, so there is plenty of opportunity for everyone to be involved.

Annie_Warbucks

My suggestion would be to go with your mom and sister to pick out the dress, and then once you have purchased/ordered the dress, take you step mom to see it. She can still feel like she's a part of the whole thing, but you don't have the added stress during the selection process. That's what I did with the FMIL and it worked out great. 

ladybug7485

I agree with sglylling and annie. I think the best compromise is to go pick out the dress with your mom and sister and then invite step-mother to come to the dress fitting. Also like pp said if tried on dresses a few different times then you could just invite mom and sister the first time and have step-mother come to one after.
Is there something that step-mother has a specific talent or interest in? If she was interested in cooking or crafts, you could invite her for tasting at your venue or help with picking out the invites. HTH!

heizer10910

i agree with sgylling too.  make this a mom/daughter thing and invite others for fittings or round 2 of decisions.  this way you preserve your mom's feelings and then other get to chime in at some point too.  good luck though - what a tough call

ChiBride82

My parents have been divorced for a while and my dad has since remarried. I do have a good relationship with his wife but  when it came to my dress it was only my mom and me.  For me although my dad's new wife is a lovely person, she was not there for my other big miles stone ( first word, first step, HS graduation) it was always my mom and me,  so why would I share possibly the  biggest moment for my mother (next to have her grandchild) with a "stranger".  I would only take you mom and left the step mother at home.