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My Mother Added Another Bridesmaid to my Bridal Party without Notifying Me First

Aloha Hawaii Brides,

I need your advice. My mother added another bridesmaid, who happens to be my sister, to my bridal party without notifying me because she thought that my friend was out of the party because she is moving to California. Originally, my sister did not want to be in the bridal party, which was fine. Now I'm stuck with four bridesmaids and I have no idea what to do. I've already paid my deposit for hair and makeup for three bridesmaids. I'm so frustrated and angry that I need anyone's advice on how to handle this. Should I make my mom pay for the additional hair and make up and flowers? If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

Thank you in advance,
Phyllicia

Re: My Mother Added Another Bridesmaid to my Bridal Party without Notifying Me First

  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_mother-added-another-bridesmaid-bridal-party-notifying-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:04f93148-f0d8-465c-9bc2-7c7a9053e612Post:7aedd736-f112-4c01-afc0-e2307d341e5f">My Mother Added Another Bridesmaid to my Bridal Party without Notifying Me First</a>:
    [QUOTE]Aloha Hawaii Brides, I need your advice. My mother added another bridesmaid, who happens to be my sister, to my bridal party without notifying me because she thought that my friend was out of the party because she is moving to California. Originally, my sister did not want to be in the bridal party, which was fine. Now I'm stuck with four bridesmaids and I have no idea what to do. I've already paid my deposit for hair and makeup for three bridesmaids. I'm so frustrated and angry that I need anyone's advice on how to handle this. Should I make my mom pay for the additional hair and make up and flowers? If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you in advance, Phyllicia
    Posted by phyllicia97[/QUOTE]<div>Well first, does your sister WANT to be a BM?  If not, then you're off the hook.  If she does, my other question is whether The Knot is correct that your wedding is in March 2011, and therefore a whole year away?  If that's the case, then you don't need to really pick bridesmaids until like summer of this year.  It also means that you could easily add your sister to your group getting H&M if you want and could save up the little extra it will cost, no problem.  Logistics aren't your problem if you're not getting married for over a year.</div><div>
    </div><div>The bottom line is that YOU need to decide if you want your sister as a BM.  If yes, then keep her graciously (i.e. don't make her feel as though she's an add-on forced by your mom); if no, then ask her graciously to just be a guest, although I don't know how you do this without upsetting her.  If she becomes a BM, then you should treat her like all the others.  Don't be petty and ask your mom to pay for anything.  </div><div>
    </div><div>No matter what, though, you obviously do need to have a talk with your mom separately and tell her that you and your FI are the ones who decide on WP and guests, and that she needs to go to you with those discussions in the future, or she's liable to find herself explaining her over-inclusiveness and uninviting someone down the road.</div><div>
    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    that's a hard situation to be put in.  I can imagine how torn you must feel...I think carrie gave great advice.  talk to your sister and see if she wants to be in the party or not.  hopefully it'll all work out...
    image
    Todd & Cari
    7.23.2011~Hale Koa Hotel
  • edited December 2011
    i agree with ppl... I can't believe that your mom did that without asking you! Hopefully your sister will understand and that things will work out ok!
  • edited December 2011
    Well, that blows. I'd talk to your sister first and see if she actually wants to do it. At the end of the day, the wedding is far less important than the relationships you have with your family. So, what will insisting your mum pay do to your relationship with her? And, if it turns out that your sister does want to be involved, how will she feel about being the fourth wheel?

    People get so wrapped around the axle about money related things when it comes to weddings. It's incredibly easy to offend people. If your sis wants in, I say you suck it up and start saving for her H&M.

    And if you haven't, I'd take the opportunity to tell your mum exactly what you're upset about and explain that if she pulls the stunts again, you'll be asking her to fix it.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_mother-added-another-bridesmaid-bridal-party-notifying-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:04f93148-f0d8-465c-9bc2-7c7a9053e612Post:3bf3b2e2-937b-404b-a891-03ea00c28032">Re: My Mother Added Another Bridesmaid to my Bridal Party without Notifying Me First</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, that blows. I'd talk to your sister first and see if she actually wants to do it. At the end of the day, the wedding is far less important than the relationships you have with your family. So, what will insisting your mum pay do to your relationship with her? And, if it turns out that your sister does want to be involved, how will she feel about being the fourth wheel? People get so wrapped around the axle about money related things when it comes to weddings. It's incredibly easy to offend people. If your sis wants in, I say you suck it up and start saving for her H&M. And if you haven't, I'd take the opportunity to tell your mum exactly what you're upset about and explain that if she pulls the stunts again, you'll be asking her to fix it.
    Posted by kaesha[/QUOTE]

    agree.  kaesha's always so smart when it comes to these situations :)
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Totally with Kaesha on this!  That's good advice!
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