Am I being a bridezilla?

cryssv

I forewarn you this could get long.....

Because of the size of the wedding we chose to have in Maui FI and I opted to not have groomsmen and bridesmaids. I do however have a core group of girls that are somewhat of "honourary bridesmaids" - they are planning the stagette, have been to my fittings and all other planning every step of the way. One of these girls is my cousin, who I was a bridesmaid in her wedding last August. She is the one who is pretty much taking charge on all of the stagette and shower planning and has promised she will be there for me on the day of my wedding.... I've had some close family members bail on me (I completely understand it's a financial thing and I'm not upset with them) but obviously I was a little sad about it - my cousin was the one I went to and cried about it and expressed my feelings on it. She again promised me she'd be there for me for sure.
Last night I went for a workout with her and she tells me that she went off the pill last month and is going to try and have a baby...... in my  mind I'm thinking she's willing (and trying) to get preggers now which means if she does, she won't be attending.... my wedding is in 5 months and you're not supposed to fly in the final trimester- that's cutting it a litlte close.  In an even more selfish part of my mind I'm thinking - this is the person in charge of my bridal parties as well....... I"m no crazy partier but I certainly don't want to be sitting around drinking tea and watching her belly. All that's reeling through my mind is all these things I did for her for her wedding..... hitting the gym with her daily to help her lose the "dress weight", go for drinks with her to get away from the planning stresses, planned her stagette and made sure she had a great time.......etc. and not to mention she was upset with another bridesmaid in her wedding party for doing the EXACT same thing!

Am I being a bridezilla? Am I way over the top on this? A part of me feels really silly and selfish (and embarassed to admit all of this to you) but another part feels really sad about it

Tanq&Tonic

Hm, so yes, I think you're reacting a little strongly and thinking too much about yourself.  Your cousin took on all of these things to support you because she wanted to...but it doesn't mean that her life should be put on hold in order to give you every detail that you want in the way that you would like.  I fully understand that you feel you did a lot for her wedding, but you did that out of your own desire to do it, right?  There shouldn't be an expectation of reciprocation.  Net net, you're jumping really far to a conclusion that it will all turn out wrong when she's not even pregnant yet.  It's possible 1) she might not get pregnant, 2) even if she does, none of the outcomes you picture will happen.  Take a deep breath... it will be alright. :-)

HappyGoLuckyGal

I agree with PP.

First, it's highly unlikely that your friend will get pregnant right away. It usually takes at least a few months. Second, even if she gets pregnant tonight (doubtful), she could easily make your wedding. I'm 5 months pregnant right now (which is still only second trimester), am barely showing, and can definitely travel. I have plans to fly at 28 weeks (two months from now), and my doc is fine with that. Even if she's pregnant, she can still be a part of your celebrations. I still enjoy going out with friends even though I don't drink. 

FWIW, one of my bridesmaids told me she was going off her BC a year before our wedding. She didn't end up getting pregnant, but I knew that it was could happen. I remember being sad about the possibility that she might not make it, but I also was excited for her.

carrieoz_76

If she's not pregnant yet, unless something goes horribly awry she'll be able to travel to your wedding (if she wants to and can afford to).  One of my BMs was 4 months pregnant when we got married, and while she was uncomfortable due to some complications, she was able to travel and participate.

Nevertheless - you can only be happy for your friend.  Babies are just more important than being an attendant at a wedding.  I understand a twinge of "Oh no!  What about me?"  But you can't let it be more than that, and you can't let on to your friend and to anyone other than maybe your FI that you're feeling that twinge.  You don't want to be that friend who only ever thinks about how someone else's happiness negatively affects them.  Nobody likes that person.

At this point, it's just borrowing trouble to worry about this since she's not pregnant yet anyways.  If she does get pregnant, you'll work through any issues that come up because you obviously care about her, and she obviously cares about you.  

sld0618

I totally get your feelings.  it's hard to keep watching people not be able to come to your wedding.  It's possible that you're a little more emotional about it than you should be...but hello, aren't we all about our own wedding? hehe.  I think in a few days it will just sink in that people end up getting pregnant when it's their time.  I bet this all just boils down to not all your close family and friends are coming.  Which I'll admit that I get super emotional and cry about not everyone coming, but that's life and I know they would love to be but the money just isn't there. I say be sad for a couple days (in the comfort of your own home) and then realize it's all good, you're still marrying your best friend in the most beautiful state

cryssv

Eek..... I posted that comment and then went out, I just got home and reread it and am feeling like a BIG jerk. I really hope all of you don't think I'm a big selfish ass- this is certainly not my character at all. I haven't expressed any of these feelings to any one else (thank god) and once I saw them on screen in front of me I realized how horrible it sounded. Sld618, you've totally hit the nail on the head. I know when I decided to have a DW I faced the possibility that not all people in my life would be able to attend and you think you're prepared for it but it really hit me hard when 2 of my 3 brothers decided they couldn't make it ( one of which includes my niece and nephew who I am very close to) as well as FI sister teetering on going (who is the witness on my behalf). When my cousin announced her news last night I guess it was just icing on the cake for me for what felt like one more person who couldn't attend. I just need to keep my eye on what matters the most, of course I will miss anyone who can't or doesn't attend, but I am going to get married to the love of my life and as long as the two of us are there and we have our health everything else won't matter..... And we'll always have the AHR to celebrate with those that couldn't make it.

kaesha

Sometimes we just need to talk it out to realize how silly we actually sound, you know? I'm glad you got a chance to get those feelings out and think about them.

I'm also glad we have an awesome non-flaming board. Can you imagine posting this on E & the drama that would ensue?

sld0618

HAHA, oh gosh, some of the boards are just crazy.  I feel like posting get a life and stop being mean to random people you don't know to make yourself feel better!!

And gf, it's so hard when you picture your wedding with your fav people there.  I have a fav aunt, uncle and their kids.  They are my world and my second family.  They live 5 houses away from my parents, so it's pretty much like one big family co-discipline, everything.  They can't come because of money.  I cried for a couple weeks straight and even debated cancelling it to do it here.  I've been playing the lotto since I got engaged so that hopefully I can pay for everyone to go.  But like you said, everyone will be at the AHR.  I am really hoping that FI gets a promotion he put in for because that could be extra money that maybe we could help family go to the wedding with.

HappyGoLuckyGal

No need to feel bad! Weddings are emotional times, and there was more than one time when I needed the board to help me keep it all in perspective.

Tanq&Tonic

Don't feel bad...we all have those moments.  Esp those of us on this board, for whom Hawaii isn't home.  We're here for you to vent, anytime.  Here's to hoping everything works out just fine!

[Deleted User]

Hi cryssv! It's totally hard not to have those moments when you think nothing's going as planned. I've had my share for sure! So don't feel bad and take some deep breaths. Especially for us destination brides. We come in already knowing some people won't be able to make it, but it's still hard to learn that some of our closest friends and family may not be there!

carrieoz_76

cryss - I didn't think worse of you either.  I appreciate that this is a place where people share their inner feelings, and one of the benefits of the board is that ppl will be honest (but here, not mean) in their feedback.  In the end, it helps you navigate the hard stuff in real life  - stuff like this.  No worries!

torascho

don't worry you are not being a bridezilla, just kind of freaking out and that is completely ok as long as you realize it ( which it seems you do). I understand people not being able to come to your wedding..its hard especially with a DW but if your cousin can come I"m sure she will be there. Side note, It usually takes about 3 months for the BC pill to get out of a woman's system so she should be ok unless she has some serious hormones! but don't worry dear things will work out and on the plus side..if she does get preggo you have a DD for the times when you really stress out and need a drink..or 4. I kid but feel better and don't worry you will be in paradise soon