Destination Invitation etiquette - help!

burichan

So FI and I don't want gifts for the wedding, we wouldn't turn it down, but we don't want people to feel obligated since they are spending a ton of money to get there. We are trying to come up with a good way of saying it. "Your presence is our present" ... are there any others out there?

nahokulele

That's how we feel, too.  It's expensive for those who are traveling, and by having it so far away, it precludes many from traveling in the first place so we didn't want them to feel like they still had to send a gift.  We made a page on our website--the page title is Registry, since everyone has that, but then here is what we put: We respectfully ask that our guests do not send gifts. Each of you hold a very special place in our hearts – your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all!HTH!

kaesha

I love Liz's idea! The gift info shouldn't be in the invitation anyway, so I think the website makes the most sense as the best place for it.

elaineNgene

I think KKhakes puts it nicely in her bio on her registry page.  Check it out.  I hope that's the right knottie page.

burichan

I like that! FI wants to make it clear however that we will accept gifts. (I don't want any, he does) So we are coming to a happy compromise. Telling people we don't need/expect them, but accepting them if given. I love your idea!

elaineNgene

I was wrong, it's not Kkakes bio.  I don't know whose bio it was on, but it said something along the same lines as Liz's idea.  I just wished I saved the wording so I could borrow it

nahokulele

I would love to see how other ppl worded it--I kinda feel like my way is a little abrupt, but I don't know how else to express it....?

ginajade

If you really don't want gifts, I think Liz's wording is perfect.  If it's more like - we like gifts, but totally don't expect you to give us something, then maybe something like this on your website:Your precense is our present and we look forward to sharing our special day with you.And just leave it like that - I wouldn't add, 'but we'll gladly take gifts', because I think it comes off like people really should be getting you a gift.  I read that a lot on people's invites, and it always makes me think that they would judge me if I didn't get them a gift.And I also wouldn't register, because again, that kind of contradicts the No Gifts Necessary idea.  So unless you truly don't want gifts, then I think something simple is better and people can choose to give you something or not.I don't know, it's tricky - I just got an invite that basically said we have a lot of stuff, no gifts necessary, but if you want to get us something, here's our registry... and I didn't really read it as they would really be okay not getting something from someone.

lelekay

I got the wording below from another Knottie (can't remember who, though!). Maybe this will help: As this is a destination wedding, we hope you won't waste valuable luggage space bringing a gift with you, and we really want to emphasize that your presence is the best present of all! If you still feel inclined to give us a gift, we are registered at Crate and Barrel and Bed, Bath, and Beyond and they will both ship gifts from their stores and websites.

burichan

FI REALLY wants to register. I'm trying to fight him on it though. I'm trying to fight him on declining a bridal shower as well. I hate the idea of "We don't want anything but here is what we WOULD want if you wanted to get something." Gah!

nahokulele

It is a sticky situation--it's not traditional, so therefore it's kind of like paving your own way.My FI was the one who was really insistent on the no gifts and I was kind of bummed, but since it was so important to him I decided to respect that--choose your battles, right?  No gifts = no shower for us.  For our friends and family that really wanted to throw a shower, we asked that they host an engagement party instead--same celebration minus the gift-giving.  And a few of ppl did bring gifts anyway, like wine (which is always A+ in my book!).The truth is, some ppl are still going to give you some wedding gifts, esp close friends and family, but it's b/c they really want to, and that is really sweet.  But at least then the pressure is off.  You can try telling FI that and maybe he'll come around?That's the conclusion I came to in our own process anyway.Good luck--it truly is challenging, I completely understand and empathize!  I do feel like you can't really go middle-of-the-road, it's either no gifts, or you register, which really means gifts, which of course is not a bad thing either if that's what you decide.

ETweet

We aren't saying anything about it on our invitation but on our website we are saying: "Your celebratory presence at our wedding is the greatest gift we could ever receive. If you still feel inclined to give us a gift, we have included our wedding registeries."

ETweet

I should clarify that the only reason we are registering is because some people have specifically told us that they are getting us a gift regardless. They have kindly asked that we register so that they can purchase us something that we want vs. something we don't want.

nahokulele

Beth/ETweet makes a really good point--some people are going to give gifts anyway, and at least by registering you get *good* and *useful* gifts--hate to sound snotty, but it's true--b/c we didn't register, we've already gotten a couple of regifts, I think they are gifts that other ppl got for their wedding that they are passing on to us!  I'm already thinking of who I can pass them on to, like my mom.  LOL