Girl drama /AHR dilema/registries???

tiggy5555

Background: My FI and I both work at the same place. There are about 300 employees and due to our specific jobs we know and are "work friends" with most of them. A small % of the reason why we wanted a destination wedding was because we are softies and had we stayed home I know almost everyone would be invited. The main reason is because we want to share our union with the people who who are closest to us.

 Here is the problem: This girl we work with invited us to her wedding two years ago. She is the showy type, complains that her ring isnt big enough,  and her wedding was pretty much a big production of her husbands $10,000 a month salary and good for her, but thats not us at all. She also makes everything about her....no idea of when to shine and when to let someone else have their moment. So since we are only inviting 3 people from work am I obligated in any way to invite her? She is already acting weird around me because my MOH and our mutual co-worker told her that my invite list would be small and intimate...hint hint! What's your guys take on this??

AHR dilema: Our small ceremony in Maui will be followed with dinner & drinks at a restaurant for those who attended. We are thinking of not having a traditional wedding cake or first dance and saving it for when we can share with the friends and family who could not make it. I thought it would be a nice gesture and wanted some input from you all. Our AHR will probably be a backyard BBQ with a hawaiian theme, cake, drinks, and about 75 people.

Registries: First off I think it's tacky. BUT people who know and understand that they won't be invited to our Maui ceremony are asking about and AHR,  gifts and where I'm going to be registered. Our wedding isn't until Sept. 2012!! Should I set up a registry and only if they ask tell them? I plan on setting up a website so should I include the info on there and if they really want to give us something they can get the info there? What are you all doing? This is such an odd topic for me because I really don't expect anything...thanks again!

motoLyn

I don't see a reason that you need to invite you showy co-worker.  Yes she invited you to her wedding but that doesn't obligate you to invite her to your wedding in Maui.  I'm sure an invite to the AHR is more than adequate. 

As for your AHR and the saving all the activities till then.  Once again I don't see a reason why you can just have an intimate dinner after your ceremony in Maui.  If anyone inquires why you can tell them what you  told us that you wanted to share it with everyone when you get back home. 

Lastly since you're over a year out from your wedding I would tell those who ask that you haven't set up a registry yet, and when you do you'll inform them if they are still interested.  In all honesty perhaps one of the other brides can comment on this, I don't have a registry, and don't intend on one.  FI and I are happy that guests can come to our Maui wedding and so we asked that they not purchase anything for us. 

Tanq&Tonic

You really aren't obligated to invite everyone to the wedding, and especially not purely because they invited you to theirs. There's also nothing wrong with having 'just a dinner' after your ceremony, regardless if you want to "save" the dance & cake for later, or if you just didn't want to do those things. 

As for the registry, we struggled with this, too, but ended up caving because we got asked so frequently.  Folks did not accept that their presence was all we wanted no matter how much we insisted.  We put the registry links on the website.  The registry is not listed on the AHR website -- word of mouth only.

tiggy5555

Thanks everyone...I honestly didn't think about all the little issues surrounding DW's but it's good to read that I'm not alone.

The co-worker can just be invited to the AHR and be done with it.

Registries...still a weird topic for me but I may consider including it on my website only and not saying ANYTHING unless someone asked. Not sure yet...

carrieoz_76

Sounds like you're on track - it's fine to have a registry (although still pretty early for you - generally these are set up about 6ish mos. in advance), and to put it on your wedding website while staying they don't need to get you a gift, but if they prefer to, this is where you're registered.  I personally loved having a registry because it helped to steer people to things you're like (and can return if you don't).

As for how to tell AHR folks about the registry, word of mouth will work fine. Once you have a registry, tell your parents, and if anyone asks them or you, they can let them know where you're registered.  This is how registries were communicated to guests for years, and it still works just fine.