DW Overwhelming Sometimes....Ok a lot of the time.

FSForever

So we have been having a hard week and I know this happens to a lot of couples but we are 10 mos out and sometimes the stress is hard and I don't handle it well.  As I stated on my Bio, FH is law enforcement and sometimes I get overwhelmed by the thought that something can happen to him and I get cold feet. Do any of you have these feelings of cold feet?  I know we can handle the DW and its what we both dream and share about but I actually have nightmares that he is gone before it all happens and I am devastated?  Last week I woke up twice in the middle of the night practically crawling over him to make sure he was still with me. I told him maybe counseling would help but he thinks he can help it pass. I'm at a loss and my family is soooooo excited and happy that I have finally found the "one" that I can't share it with them. 

Tanq&Tonic

It doesn't sound like it's any way related to the actual fact that you're doing a DW, other than an upcoming wedding makes the reality more real.  Your anxiety is totally understandable -- his job can put him in the line of danger and it's a tribute to you that you've handled it at all this far.  Talking to a therapist or counselor of some sort could certainly be good for you, and especially if the anxiety is building due to the wedding, you might want to also ask them whether some anxiety control medications could help you get through it.  You might also want to be open with your FI on your feelings -- perhaps he could consider more of a desk / administrative role, or a gradual change in profession, or just increased awareness on his part can help him be more sensitive.

sparklegirl84

I hear where you're coming from, I do desk work for law enforcement and it is scary to think about what could happen. I have to wear a uniform and I look like a little cop, it's awkward and embarassing and I always cover up my badge since i'm not a cop, especially with some of the stuff in our area that has happened (lakewood officers, seattle pd). I agree that you could definitely get some counseling which could help. If you're not ready to get married and need more time, it's okay to postpone things and wait. It doesn't really sound like that is what you want though. At work we have people that are available for free to employees and their families and they have workshops and stuff to deal with the fright of losing a loved one. 

tiggy5555

It's totally normal to feel stressed out and have anxiety surrounding your wedding and FI's employment. Law enforcement deal with a lot of dangerous situations on a daily basis and violence is a real possibility.

I'm in LE in a non-sworn capacity and if you need someone to chat with send me a PM and we can exchange emails or something. Our situations sound simular and maybe I can share with how I deal with things.

Deep breath...things will be ok

FSForever

Thank you for your replies and being so nice. 
@Sparkle, we have had a lot of LE deaths in the last few years. He is DOC Special Teams so the recent death hit home big time.  Especially since he is working so much OT, to help with wedding costs.
He would never be able to scale to a desk job.  We have talked about it but he does what he loves and I understand that.  I think the part of the DW, and maybe its just wedding planning in general, is that we both have actually dreamt about our wedding on the beach and it has been very emotional for both of us. I never had any of those feelings the first time. I just want to marry him and my fear makes me freak sometimes and think that it won't happen because he could be injured or worse.  There is a program at his work that does help and he has suggested it but I have been so busy at my work and I think I really need to make the time. Again thanks to all of you.
@tiggy, I may take you up on that. :')

[Deleted User]

Sending positive thoughts to you and FI. I can only imagine the anxiety you must be going through especially when marriage is on the horizon. It's totally normal. I won't pretend that I'm an expert on this the only perspective I can share is that there's always risk when you love someone. Live everyday like it's a blessing, don't be afraid to talk about it, and find some things that will help you put your mind a little at ease. AND together build yourself a good support system. I'm sure you two will work it out. Big hugs!

kaesha

I hear what you're saying. Sometimes, when I think about losing my husband, I just get overwhelmed and cry too. It would be devastating to lose him. And unlike you, my husband has a totally boring job! I think some counselling is a great idea to give you some coping mechanisms to deal with that anxiety.

Ultimately, I think the thing we all have to believe is that the time we spend together is worth the fact that someday, hopefully very far in the future, we're going to be separated by death. I don't mean that to sound morbid - but death is the inevitability to all human life. The question mark is: how you want to live your life? Do you want to live it with him or without him?

Don't live life based on the possibility that tragedy might strike.

FSForever

Awe you are all so sweet. I came home last night to a bunch of balloons with love messages on them, so he is really trying to make me feel better and let me know he is there for me.  We had a great talk and have decided to go with the program at his work.   

britters32

I would definitely get the help through his work or seek out your own therapist. I am a therapist and specialize in anxiety and trauma recovery. Some EMDR therapy would be best and can resolve anxiety in a situation like this faster than regular cognitive therapy. I hope you can get the help you need. It's so important to be as stress free as possible when planning a wedding. Best of luck!