Bridal shower etiquette

amwong22

Hi All,

I'm hoping to get your opinion on what is accepted and not accepted when it comes to who to invite to your bridal shower. Because most of us are destination brides, we run into people who we would like to come to our wedding that are not able to. Do you still invite those people to your bridal shower? I don't want them to come and think I just want an extra gift or something, but most of the girls that I hang out with are within the same group of friends. So do I only include those are able to come to the wedding? A lot of them have also told me they can't come and said I don't need to give them an invite. I'm torn as to whether I should just give them one anyways, as they were on my original invite list?

Also, my fiance's family is not very close but we are inviting some of his aunts/cousins to the wedding but I have never met them. Do I invite those women to my bridal shower or just his mom and sister?

Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Tanq&Tonic

You'll get different opinions from different people, but here's my take:

1.  If they're not invited to your wedding, don't invite them to the shower at all.

2.  If they are invited to your wedding, but can't come to the wedding, an invitation to the shower is OK.  It might be their only chance to celebrate with you.

3.  If they would be invited to your wedding but already told you they can't attend, send an invitation anyway.  Just add a small handwritten note -- we know it's unlikely you can attend, but should anything change, we'd still love to have you join us.  Then #2 applies.

4.  If they are not invited to your wedding, but are invited to your AHR, I would say do not invite them to the shower.  This is where I often hear differing opinions, and I think it's tacky to invite someone to an AHR only and also a shower.

5.  You do not need to invite everyone who is attending the wedding to participate in the shower.  Close friends / relatives only would be fine, but be mindful of groups.  I think just his mom+sister would be fine, but if he had 2 sisters, I wouldn't invite one and omit one, for example.

Finally -- I assume your MOH or someone else is organizing the shower & invitations, right?  Eg - you are not throwing you your own shower?

allisonpickup80

This is a tough one and everyone has different opinions. In our situation we had a small wedding in Hawaii with only 7 guests but my friends and mom really wanted to throw us a shower....more of a celebration.....it was so nice it was actually like a mini wedding, but with just ladies. I didn't feel funny about having one and not a wedding because we only invited about 35 women who were all close family and a few friends. So everyone invited wanted to share in this time with us, my fiancé came after about an hour and his side was happy to celebrate and see him too. So my opinion is do what you think is right. I didn't feel bad about my friends throwing a shower, I think my guests were happy to celebrate and a few actually got really nice gifts since they didn't have to give wedding gift....I was very suprised!

lindsayscottc

I tend to agree with Tanq & Tonic's suggestions.  My mom's friends are throwing a shower for me next weekend where they live (I just happened to have a trip there scheduled) and they invited everyone who is invited to the wedding, regardless of whether they can actually make it.  We also sent formal invites to the wedding to everyone who was on our original list.  (Although I did find it kind of funny that some people were so quick to tell us that they couldn't make it, before invites even went out.  To each their own though, I suppose.)

amwong22

Thanks all for your advice! I've decided to invite friends and family who are close to me even if they can't make the wedding. That way no one feels left out. Hopefully everyone is  happy with the decision I made, I just want everyone that I'm close with to be a part of our day in some capacity and I think inviting them to the shower will be nice. :-)