Already got the wedding blues

misslisaleo

I've been engaged for a whopping 3 weeks and I've already got the blues. I sat down this weekend to start some basic planning only to realize that  my life is full of aquaintences but no real true best friends. Who am I gonna ask to stand by my side on my special day? My 2 sisters have been my bestest friends for so long and now that we've grown apart, my life is devoid of supportive, true friends. I'm sorry for the "downer" of  post. I just needed to get it off my chest as it's been weighing heavily on my mind the past few days.

Hoping my ticker and badges finally show up.....

Lisa

dianalynm

Sorry to hear that...I felt like I didn't really have close friends, but my friend made a good point about who she chose for her bridesmaids. She chose someone significant during certain times of her life (best friend from college, friend she grew up with, family member, etc). So maybe something like that? Traditionally you would choose your sisters (like you said). For me, I chose the friends I am closest to, but also a friend that I've grown apart from. My hope is that we can grow closer with the experience, so think of it that way! You may rekindle the relationships you have with your friends if you decide to have them stand by your side... Hope that helps!

Also, this is what I posted on another newbie's discussion post: 

To get the ticker, from theknot.com, click on "Community" then on the right side under "my stuff" click on "My Profile." Somewhere below the main header, click on "My Bio. On this page, you can customize a ticker, edit badges and upload photos. Under the header of "My Bio" click on "Edit my avatar & sig" to edit your message board signature! 

misslisaleo

Thank you so much for your help and kind words. I've tried everything  I can think of, including your suggestion, to get the ticker/badgers to work. It shows up under my bio, but not when I post. I suppose it's not a big deal. I just thought I'd ask.

I have 2 friends that I'd like to ask. I'm just afraid that when I do they'll wonder why them, you know? We're not super super close, but they've been a part of my life for a few years now. I dunno. I guess I'm just being overly emotional right now. I know in the end things will work itself out. Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it.

carrieoz_76

I'm sorry you're going through that.  You should feel free to follow your own path - you don't need a wedding party if you don't want one.  That's pretty common for Hawaiian weddings.  For a while I considered having my mom as my matron of honor.  I ended up deciding to ask three friends, but it really could have gone either way.  There's very little that you *have* to do for a wedding, and especially for this decision just do whatever feels the best to you.

misslisaleo

Thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words. I want a traditional wedding. I always have. I just didn't realize how few friends I have until I sat down to think about it. It's just been a downer to my wedding planning bliss. I didn't really consider asking my mom so thank you for that idea. I'll put some thought into it.

Tanq&Tonic

Congrats!!  I'm so sorry you're going through these conflicting emotions.  One thing I realized through the process is that there really isn't a "traditional" approach to a wedding.  It truly is about making it right for you and your future husband.  Everyone chooses bridesmaids differently -- some choose their lifelong best friends, others choose siblings, and yet others choose friends whose views on marriage mirror their own.  When it comes down to it, these people are there to support you on the day of your wedding and also throughout your life, even if things get tough.

Do you have your wedding time / date picked?  Since you've only been engaged 3 weeks, I wouldn't fret too much yet about bridal party specifics, but instead work out the vision for what you see.  Then as you get closer to the actual wedding, you can decide what makes sense for you to choose.  It sounds like your two sisters could be a great choice -- while you may not be as close as you once were, they mean a lot to you and would be there for you if ever needed. 

Regardless, I think may of us find that the wedding planning process is kind of a lonely one.  Movies make us think we're supposed to have huge groups of besties who do everything with us - try on dresses, taste cakes, pick the invitations, etc.  In reality, most of us don't have friendships that look just like that, or where our friends are too busy, and we end up doing much of this alone.  It's not a bad thing, it's just different than what movies & media condition us to expect.

spappano

I understand completly what you are going through - this will be my second marriage for Matt and I and he is stationed in HI that is why we are getting married there...I am having my son stand up with us and that is it - with Matt being gone I feel like I have learned a lot about my friends and who is really there for me.  This has been a hard time having him gone and not a lot of my friends have stepped in to check on me...so I get what you are saying about not having a lot of close friends.  I think that even if you and your sisters have grown apart - you may still want them in your wedding since they are family - you know?  But take some time to just plan your wedding - dont worry yet about who is going to stand up with you - you will figure it out.  Dont get down about it - remember you have your best friend up there with you - standing by your side   And he is your bestest truest friend - and what I have learned in life is that as you get older - your friend circle becomes smaller...and it becomes more about family!  Best of luck to you!!!

Sarah

lyssalou89

I can totally empathize with you on this. When I first started in my planning, I felt exactly the same way. I realized the girls I had at one time considered best friends had drifted years ago when my fiance and I got into our relationship. However, over the course of our planning, a few friends and family really started to step out and show interest in the wedding and being involved. Those people are the ones we ended up asking to be in our wedding party.

I totally agree with Tanq. Since you are in the beginning stages of your planning, I would definitely focus on the big details and vision of your wedding. Maybe during this planning process unexepected friends or family will step up or will stand out and make the selection process easier for you as it gets closer.

Also, I totally agree with Tanq. Wedding planning isn't always as glamorous as in the movies where you make every wedding decision based on your bridal party. As wonderful and easy as that may be, in reality it can get rather lonely. But thats what us girls on the Knot are for, to provide that extra support and advice!

Enjoy it girl! Don't let these things get you down- you are getting married in Hawaii!

Happy planning!

misslisaleo

Wow, I never imagined I'd get so much support and such great words of wisdom from this board. It was a crappy weekend and I needed to get my hurt feelings out there for opinions. I appreciate everything all of you have said and I'm feeling better about it today. I'm gonna take all of your suggestions to heart and concentrate on the fact that the main person in my life is about to be my husband. Thank you again and I hope I can be as much help to all of you as you have been to me.

dianalynm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_already-got-wedding-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:533f84e9-d9bf-4740-bab8-8b647aad95baPost:e0356cb1-56ee-4a6d-b21c-41f889b454bd">Re: Already got the wedding blues</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much for your help and kind words. I've tried everything  I can think of, including your suggestion, to get the ticker/badgers to work. It shows up under my bio, but not when I post. I suppose it's not a big deal. I just thought I'd ask. I have 2 friends that I'd like to ask. I'm just afraid that when I do they'll wonder why them, you know? We're not super super close, but they've been a part of my life for a few years now. I dunno. I guess I'm just being overly emotional right now. I know in the end things will work itself out. Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it.
Posted by misslisaleo[/QUOTE]

<div>I felt the same way. Some of the girls I asked I wasn't extremely close with and was worried they'd say no, but they all enthusiastically said, "Yes!" So, you really never know what the outcome may be! I was really nervous, so much so that I told them that they didn't have to say "Yes."</div><div>
</div><div>Just make sure you prepare yourself for responses that you aren't prepared for, you know? You may even be pleasantly surprised! :) Good luck!</div><div>
</div><div>PS I see your ticker!</div>

sparklegirl84

Tanq always says it best, I can totally relate to this'

"Regardless, I think may of us find that the wedding planning process is kind of a lonely one.  Movies make us think we're supposed to have huge groups of besties who do everything with us - try on dresses, taste cakes, pick the invitations, etc.  In reality, most of us don't have friendships that look just like that, or where our friends are too busy, and we end up doing much of this alone.  It's not a bad thing, it's just different than what movies & media condition us to expect."

I like to think I had a strong bond with my bridesmaids and mother in law, but really wedding planning can be a lonely process, but that's what the knot is for! It's seriously been such a great support group since we're all (or have) going through it!

maui2011

Glad you are feeling better and that these wonderful and supportive ladies can help you out. FWIW, my husband had just one friend with him...his best man...and i had four with me...its not the quantity but the quality of the relationship. Plus only he and I were standing with the minister...our bridal party sat in the first two rows.  His two teenage daughters were BMs as well and they escorted him down the aisle and both my parents escorted me.  J. :-)

misslisaleo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_already-got-wedding-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:533f84e9-d9bf-4740-bab8-8b647aad95baPost:86388a55-b2c0-4199-888a-bf74b8a5b935">Re: Already got the wedding blues</a>:
[QUOTE]Glad you are feeling better and that these wonderful and supportive ladies can help you out. FWIW, my husband had just one friend with him...his best man...and i had four with me...its not the quantity but the quality of the relationship. Plus only he and I were standing with the minister...our bridal party sat in the first two rows.  His two teenage daughters were BMs as well and they escorted him down the aisle and both my parents escorted me.  J. :-)
Posted by maui2011[/QUOTE]


<em><font color="#800080">That is so beautiful. Thank you for the suggestion of having the bridal party sitting. My son is gonna be his bestman and I do have one friend in particular that I'd like to ask. I'm so grateful for this board and all of you with your great support. Thank you!
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