Hawaii

Vent.. Ughhhh

I just needed some place to vent, FI is driving me nuts! With a little over 3 months to go Im getting stressed. He has done nothing this whole engagement [weve been engaged for 2 years now] and seems to have no opinions what so ever on what we do or how things look. Soo its now 11pm and while hes watching TV im spending another night working on wedding projects. Arggggh has anyone else had this problem?! How did you get him to participate? Ive dont all the big jobs, everything is booked and paid for but I cant even get him to cut out invitations [because "he doesnt cut very well"] uhh yeah... whatever!  Im getting to the point I cannot wait to be married so I dont have all of this stuff to do! Sorry girls, just had to freak out a little bit.

Re: Vent.. Ughhhh

  • sld0618sld0618 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    DITTO!!!  FI likes to describe our planning to ppl : oh she plans everything like congress and I'm the president so I can veto sh!t.  Um hmmm, that's if I come to you with stuff hunni. BOOYAH!!!  He really hasn't helped with much at all except when I ask him stuff.  I think it's a guy thing.  I have to literally ask him for every single thing multiple times and the response is "a wedding is a woman's thing, not a man...ask any other man." 

    This is probably why I'm drinking wine on a tuesday night. hmmm.
  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It's totally understandable that that would frustrate you.  Is your FI otherwise helpful?  If he's just not interested in wedding planning, that's not as important as if he's interested in not overly burdening you in other ways.  What I mean is - if he's helpful around the house, I wouldn't worry so much about this.  But if he's generally not helpful, then you have bigger issues.  Also, maybe you can get him to do other things around the house while you're busy with wedding prep.
  • edited December 2011
    You're not alone on this one, my fiance could care less about the wedding planning, he says he can't wait til we're married cuz then i'll have more time for him & i wont be stressin. I've just come to appreciate that he's not nit picky and in disagreement with the things i like. He isn't even having groomsmen while im having 5 bridesmaids, lol. Don't let it get you down, i really think it's just not fun for guys like it is for us. I do agree though that he should be doing something (my fi is doing lots of home improvements for the AHR). Hang in there, can you recruit a few friends or family to help with the projects?
  • breanessbreaness member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    FI was all about helping with the Hawaii trip part. He loves traveling so he was helpful with picking activities and such, but he didn't really care which hotels we stayed in. He trusted me with that part. As for the wedding, we're doing a super simple beach ceremony and his only requirement was that it was non-religious and "non-lame."

    So that part was really easy for us. But then came the reception. We've gone back and forth so many times as to whether or not we even wanted to DO one! He has no interest in any of that, and frankly, neither do I. We're trying to keep it as simple as possible. I never thought he'd be excited about the AHR, but we recently booked the dueling piano guys from the dueling piano bar near us and now he's thrilled for that and he's been really helpful with making sure that stuff is all perfect which is nice.

    I think it's just not fun for guys to think about their wedding all day and to do hands on stuff for it. Try to think of things that he wouldn't mind doing, take them off your plate and make him do it. But anything that he really couldn't care less about, it will be hard to get him to do.
  • edited December 2011
    That sucks. And I just want to ditto Carrie.

    There are parts of our wedding planning that were way more my thing to do, but there were also parts that just needed doing. If they aren't capable of helping out with the necessities, geez, I'd hate to see how they're going to act later in life with other stuff, you know? Is the burden of planning kids parties/dinners/all those gender stereotyped roles going to fall on you because he's not interested?

    I ask, because that's the way my ILs relationship works. My husband is amazing at doing stuff he isn't interested in doing, because he's seen what being married to an oblivious, unthinking man looks like. Frown
  • madstaylormadstaylor member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies, you helped a lot.And I understand everything youre saying!!!!

    I think maybe if I were to have Sports Center talk about the wedding it might get his attention! Hes good with stuff around the house, he does the cooking, dishes, groceries, laundry, etc. But thats because Im at work all day and hes home [hes going back to school again in May].Im not worried about him doing stuff after the wedding, I just gotta get through it first. He says Im better at this then he is. Okay that might be true lol but its still annoying. I watched every football game this year, even when he wasnt home so I could send him updates, because he loves it. I wish hed love this wedding planning! Ahhhhh 3 more months!!!!!!!! I think I need a mimosa! :)
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