Engagement Party Drama for Your Mama!

dianalynm

Argh. So my FMIL and her sisters want to throw us an engagement party. Fine and dandy...

So, I spoke with my FMIL yesterday about the guestlist, food, etc. When she was going down the guest list, she mentioned that she had invited people who aren't invited to the wedding. o_o We specifically told her before that people who aren't invited to the wedding shouldn't be invited to the engagement party. She only invited a couple people so far, but wants to invite MORE people. I don't really know the people she wants to invite, but I told her that she shouldn't invite them since they aren't invited to the wedding. I told her it's bad etiquette to do that. I then ultimately told her to ask my fiancé about it because I don't know these people and he may feel strongly about inviting them (which I've explained that he shouldn't).

So I talk to him about it and tell him about the situation and that he should tell her "no" so that I won't look like the bad guy! If we're united, then...what was that all for? He totally doesn't get it either! Maybe he's a guy, but he said, "Ultimately it's up to my grandpa or mom who they want to invite." Argh...so frustrating! I told him that when he talks to her that he needs to say, "no!" If he says, "yes" then it's just going to snowball and then she's going to invite everyone up the wazoo! Not to mention that if he also gives in, she'll feel compelled to start inviting people to the wedding, which a huge no-no for me.

Anyway, I really do hope he stands by me on this one. Yes, I understand that her and her sisters are hosting it, but at the same time, they should be respectful of our guestlist. Besides, engagement parties should be for immediate family and the bridal party to get to know each other, right?!

I sent him this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090120141813AAOIkgR so he could better understand, but...we'll see how it goes...

I have a feeling I'm going to lose this battle.

kimmykupcakes

Engagement parties are just to celebrate the engagement. They do not to be just for the family and bridal party to get to know each other. That being said, the guestlist should only have guests who are also invited to the wedding. Unfortunatly, whoever hosts the party has the ultimate say in who's invited. You could remind her that it's rude to invite guests to an engagement party and that you will not be inviting any of those people to the wedding. In the end, it's her that will look rude for inviting those not invited. Good luck!

dianalynm

Thanks for the advice. I did remind her again this morning that the party should really be for guests invited to the wedding, so I hope saying it again emphasizes the fact that it's poor etiquette to do so.

I told my fiancé that if the people invited to the engagement party that aren't invited to the wedding start asking for their invitation, his mom better be able to say "no" to them because there is no way we can accomodate for anymore guests than we have on our list so far.

I know I sound like such a B about this, but it's serious! My fiancé and I are the ones paying for this wedding, so any extra people (especially people we don't even know) that are invited to the wedding by our parents is just stressful on us because we're already budgeting a certain amount just for the wedding.

I guess we'll get to that point if it happens and I hope it never does!

Thanks for listening to me vent! It definitely helps to let it out...

kimmykupcakes

I don't think you're being a B. I've had to deal with a lot of this myself. My FI's mom does a lot of this kind of stuff, too. She didn't congratulate us on our engagement, but then started inviting ppl to our engagement. We had to tell her we are having a really small wedding, none of those ppl were going to be invited and she had to tell them that. You have to stand up for yourself and stand your ground once you do. I found out recently she's been giving out the web address to our wedding website to all of her friends. Made me really glad I password protected the pages with the wedding information. Once I heard that I realized I needed to put a disclaimer on the top of those pages to not give the password to anyone since those pages were for wedding guests only.

dianalynm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_engagement-party-drama-mama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:6ee11dab-f547-46de-81a6-37bdeccfe00fPost:c82e4828-a35a-47fd-9544-2da451d2dc77">Re: Engagement Party Drama for Your Mama!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're being a B. I've had to deal with a lot of this myself. My FI's mom does a lot of this kind of stuff, too. She didn't congratulate us on our engagement, but then started inviting ppl to our engagement. We had to tell her we are having a really small wedding, none of those ppl were going to be invited and she had to tell them that. You have to stand up for yourself and stand your ground once you do. I found out recently she's been giving out the web address to our wedding website to all of her friends. Made me really glad I password protected the pages with the wedding information. Once I heard that I realized I needed to put a disclaimer on the top of those pages to not give the password to anyone since those pages were for wedding guests only.
Posted by kimmykupcakes[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow...that's so totally what I am fearing right now. That's why I feel like my FI has to stand ground with me because if he lets her get away with it once, she's gonna keep trying to get away with it. *sigh</div><div>
</div><div>Like I said, I guess we'll get to that point and deal with it if it happens and go from there. Good idea on the password protection on a few of the pages! That's a smart idea... :)</div>