Hawaii

Dress Dilemma ~ Good plan?

Editing some old posts to remove details regarding drama to protect the innocent (and not so innocent!) :) 

Thanks to the knotties for help as always!

Re: Dress Dilemma ~ Good plan?

  • breanessbreaness member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Anyway, the point of this post was to get suggestions on how best to handle this so I'm not going to freak out to the point that I ruin the friendship, or end up with no dress or a dress that I hate when it's way too late for a backup plan.

    I also of course, want to not hurt her feelings. Or at least to make her not hate me.
  • edited December 2011
    If you already found a dress that you love, is there any reason not to just order it?  Let your friend know that you recognize she's really busy, and you found something you like enough to wear, and while you really appreciate the thought, you plan to order the dress and take a load off everyone's shoulders, especially when it comes to fretting over detailed alterations.  And if she really wants to make you something, have her make you a veil and garter -- no disaster if neither are there on the day of.
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  • motoLynmotoLyn member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Your wedding dress is an important detail.  I go ahead and buy the dress that you found when you went shopping with the Moms at least then you're covered.  I always want to give a person the benefit of the doubt and have faith that they will pull through and I can only base it on one example of your friend dropping the ball but even if there's a slight chance she'll pull that stunt again you would definitely need a Plan B.  If she asks or you tell her about the second dress, just tell her what you already planned that you wanted two and the one you brought is getting trashed.  Because even if you like the one you bought more, to see a dress that I had spent hours on creating getting trashed would make me bummed.  Unless you're friend loves the whole idea of TTD and then you can use hers. 
  • TripleAubsTripleAubs member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would just order the dress if you truly do love it! It is your wedding day and it's important to you. If you are feeling nervous now and she hasn't done anything to calm those fears (i.e. no mockup like she said) then I would go ahead and order the dress. If anything, she will not be mad but relieved that she won't be rushed doing it. I like the suggestion of having her make something else, like the garter, veil, etc. 
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  • maui2011maui2011 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I concur with tanq and aubs! J. :-)
  • AKWinterBrideAKWinterBride member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would order the dress that you found!  If your friend was already unreliable once due to her workload, you can't really trust that your dress would be done and then you would really be in trouble if you found out a few weeks before your wedding that you didn't have anything.  You do not want to be stressing about this, it's a pretty major part  of the wedding....
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with this. . . You need a dress and if you found one you love think about how you would feel if you didnt buy it and she didnt end up getting yours done. :( I think she will understand, its your wedding dress thats a pretty big deal!!



    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_dress-dilemma-good-plan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:802bad28-f4b6-480d-bc80-e2de597962bbPost:991c0dd3-91d6-43e7-9aa9-acf7b1524edc">Re: Dress Dilemma ~ Good plan?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you already found a dress that you love, is there any reason not to just order it?  Let your friend know that you recognize she's really busy, and you found something you like enough to wear, and while you really appreciate the thought, you plan to order the dress and take a load off everyone's shoulders, especially when it comes to fretting over detailed alterations.  And if she really wants to make you something, have her make you a veil and garter -- no disaster if neither are there on the day of.
    Posted by Tanq&Tonic[/QUOTE]
  • breanessbreaness member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone. I am a little nervous, but I just need to do it. We were supposed to hang out today, but she cancelled on me. I really hope that she doesn't take too much offense.
  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Has she started the dress?  If not, let her off the hook completely by telling her that you found "the dress", and go with the pre-made dress.  It's worth your peace of mind to not be waiting on someone who may or may not have the dress for you one time - and to potentially lose the friendship as a result.
  • breanessbreaness member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_dress-dilemma-good-plan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:802bad28-f4b6-480d-bc80-e2de597962bbPost:7670c39a-fe12-4f28-928f-84480365d546">Re: Dress Dilemma ~ Good plan?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Has she started the dress?  If not, let her off the hook completely by telling her that you found "the dress", and go with the pre-made dress.  It's worth your peace of mind to not be waiting on someone who may or may not have the dress for you one time - and to potentially lose the friendship as a result.
    Posted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]

    <div>She hasn't started anything, but when I've expressed my concerns about the time crunch she just says "Oh it's no big deal, it will only take me a day to actually make it"</div><div>
    </div><div>I appreciate all of your comments and it's nice to hear that I'm not the worst friend in the world. But I am afraid that she won't quite see it the way we all do because she's not engaged or married. </div>
  • cryssvcryssv member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think the approach you have above is perfect - it totally covers your bases if you're willing to spend the money to have it as your back up or actually use as your TTD. However, If the friendship and the feelings of sneaking behind her back on it is going to haunt you you might want to first try to have a convo with her about it. Have you tried actually expressing to her that you are becoming concerned about timelines... I think if you're honest and forthcoming with your feelings on a very important part of your wedding in a delicate way, she has to have some sort of understanding and compassion for that... married, engaged or single most girls have an understanding of just how important a brides dress is to her. Maybe if you talk it out or bring up her busy sch. with school and stuff she'll let you off the hook and agree that maybe you should buy the dress and like Tanq said - make you something else special to go with it like a veil or garter??
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