Anyone have their fianc tell you he's taking over arranging the wedding from abroad?

vwgirl59

My wedding is Dec 26th, 2012. We live in Canada. He is doing / arranging the whole wedding as he said its so simple we don't need a wedding coordinator. This coming from a 51 year old divorcee whom can't even tie his shoe laces properly, forgets things but is a know it all!

This is a man who has an adult son whom I've never met, is joining us in Hawaii with his girlfriend, sharing a tight room before and after the wedding with us. Who does this to their bride to be??

Am I painting a Red flag green?

destiny1108

Not for me, but one of my co-workers had that happen and she said it was simply the BEST!   She was very pleasantly suprised about how well everything turned out

Ringer101

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_anyone-have-their-fianc-tell-you-hes-taking-over-arranging-the-wedding-from-abroad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:8a6167e3-b7ba-4215-a742-498cb869df42Post:a1ef0ce8-6b07-4aea-be5c-9335144c5278">Anyone have their fianc tell you he's taking over arranging the wedding from abroad?</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is Dec 26th, 2012. We live in Canada. He is doing / arranging the whole wedding as he said its so simple we don't need a wedding coordinator. This coming from a 51 year old divorcee whom can't even tie his shoe laces properly, forgets things but is a know it all! This is a man who has an adult son whom I've never met, is joining us in Hawaii with his girlfriend, sharing a tight room before and after the wedding with us. Who does this to their bride to be?? Am I painting a Red flag green?
Posted by vwgirl59[/QUOTE]

I think this really depends on how simple your wedding will be. If it's super small with a few guests, I think everything will be fine. Just relax and be flexible for everything! But if you're going to have a bigger wedding, it'll be helpful to have someone to help him. 

re: room, this totally depends on how you feel about it. It's not acceptable for me, but it may be acceptable for others.

allisonpickup80

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_anyone-have-their-fianc-tell-you-hes-taking-over-arranging-the-wedding-from-abroad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:8a6167e3-b7ba-4215-a742-498cb869df42Post:a1ef0ce8-6b07-4aea-be5c-9335144c5278">Anyone have their fianc tell you he's taking over arranging the wedding from abroad?</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is Dec 26th, 2012. We live in Canada. He is doing / arranging the whole wedding as he said its so simple we don't need a wedding coordinator. This coming from a 51 year old divorcee whom can't even tie his shoe laces properly, forgets things but is a know it all! This is a man who has an adult son whom I've never met, is joining us in Hawaii with his girlfriend, sharing a tight room before and after the wedding with us. Who does this to their bride to be?? Am I painting a Red flag green?
Posted by vwgirl59[/QUOTE]

yikes.... if youre asking yourself "Am I painting a red flag green?" you ,ay want to step back and look at this a little more.... follow your instincts.

FSForever

I agree with Allison. If your asking you may want to take a step back. 

May I ask if you are an older bride? If so try the 40 and over thread with some of your concerns. They helped me a lot during the planning process and when I had some red flags. Some may be normal and some you just need to work through, but you need to make sure they worth working through. 

I just remarried and we are 44 and 51. My DH helped plan almost ever aspect of our wedding. I can honestly say it was a union of both of our tastes and I would not have had it any other way. If he had said that he was taking it over we would not have married. 

I think you have some other concerns, ie his son, that you need to work out before hand. 

Tanq&Tonic

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_anyone-have-their-fianc-tell-you-hes-taking-over-arranging-the-wedding-from-abroad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:8a6167e3-b7ba-4215-a742-498cb869df42Post:a1ef0ce8-6b07-4aea-be5c-9335144c5278">Anyone have their fianc tell you he's taking over arranging the wedding from abroad?</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is Dec 26th, 2012. We live in Canada. He is doing / arranging the whole wedding as he said its so simple we don't need a wedding coordinator. This coming from a 51 year old divorcee whom can't even tie his shoe laces properly, forgets things but is a know it all! This is a man who has an adult son whom I've never met, is joining us in Hawaii with his girlfriend, sharing a tight room before and after the wedding with us. Who does this to their bride to be?? Am I painting a Red flag green?
Posted by vwgirl59[/QUOTE]
There are so many things about your post that raise concerns for me.  At the core, it doesn't seem like you and your fiance are on the same page, and based on the way you describe him and the situation, it doesn't feel like you're actually happy about marrying your perfect match.  I would highly suggest taking a step back, sitting down with your FI to talk about boundaries (ahem, son sharing a room), expectations (how you can work through challenges without taking things over), concerns (you don't seem to think he can take care of himself), and being sure you are both still doing the right thing before going any further.<div>
</div><div>Not to overstep or oversimplify, but here are some thoughts to consider:</div><div>
</div><div>- When it's right, it's not always simple, but it is natural to work through things together.  I always take note when couples turn against each other in the last few weeks/months versus working together.</div><div>
</div><div>- There is a big difference between some wedding stress (normal) and multiple massive panic attacks (signs that something bigger may be wrong).</div><div>
</div><div>- Any adults, regardless of age or affiliation, that think it's acceptable to share a ROOM (not a condo) with a couple just before/after their wedding are off their rocker.  Be sure you understand FI's expectations on the role they will play in your lives before you sign on the line.</div><div>
</div><div>I hope things work out for you.  </div>