Boss wants to throw me a bridal shower -- help!

kdaywedding

My boss keeps brining up the fact that she wants to throw me a bridal shower. She keeps asking me who I want to invite and when I want to have it. She wants to have it at her country club. When I suggested that she and some of the girls from work just come to the one that my maid of honor is throwing for me, she insisted that she needed to throw her own.

I really appreciate the gesture, but here's my dilemna: I don't really have that many girl friends at work in Cbus because most of the people I work with are remote in NYC, Kansas City or in London (I work for a big firm). Of the people that are in Columbus that I could invite I wasn't planning to invite all of them (my immediate team only) to the wedding because we have limited space and budget.

What's the ettiquette on this? I think it sounds rude to say come to a bridal shower for me and give me gifts, but sorry you're not invited to the wedding. Is there a rule of thumb with this? Anyone else have this problem?

MrsBoss2012

Wow this is really tricky! Especially because she wants to throw it outside of work. In my division at work we have a party group and we throw showers for everyone and course we don't expect to be invited. But we do it at work normally during lunch so everyone is invited.

Is your boss invited? Are you comfortable with telling her something along of the lines of you feel awkward having a shower in your honor when you are not close to all of the girls like that and that you would prefer maybe something small in the office? I would hope she would back down after you tell her that you are uncomfortable. I don't know the ettiquette rule but I too wouldn't want to have an outside shower knowing these people aren't invited to the wedding.

tiffanydaniels

At work we always have like potlucks for celebrations maybe something laid back like that, so then it is like a wedding celebration than a bridal shower so people don't feel obligated to get you anything, this is really hard situation. 

jnkreager

Ugh, what a tough situation.  The fact that she wants to have it at her country club makes it so much trickier.  I wish I had good advice for you! :-/

green795

It really depends on your comfort level with your coworkers. At work, we always throw bridal and baby showers (we are a close group and usually the showers are surprise). But we throw the showers with the expectation that we may not be invited to the wedding. As far as gifts are concerned, our boss normally gets the decor and cake and we collect money from the team and one of us goes out and buys gifts from the registry. It's something we do more in the spirit of the event, without expecting anything in return. My former work wanted to throw me a bachelorette party even though not everyone was invited to the wedding. My MOH planned something for the bridal party during the day and my former boss took over the night party.

kdaywedding

Thanks everyone! It is such a tricky situation. I know she's truly just trying to be nice and make me feel special, but I don't think she's grasping that it's really putting me in a weird position. We normally just go to lunch for celebrations like birthdays and promotions so when she first started talking about a little bridal shower, that's all I thought it would be. Then she started asking who I wanted to invite and I had to make sure my maid of honor and mom could come. Then she asked if I just wanted to combine the shower my maid of honor is throwing for me with hers and I'm like woah, woah, woah in my head!!

I did mention to her for the first time yesterday that it made me feel a little awkward to invite people to a shower that I wouldn't be inviting to the wedding. I think the suggestion of trying to real her back into something more low key like lunch is a good one. I'll try that.

Ajoyd

I agree with PPs--if you do something that is during the work day, something even as simple as snacks in a conference room, people will not expect invitations t the wedding.

At my office we usually do a collection for a gift from everyone, that way people can just contribute $5 or $10 and the bride gets a really nice collective gift but no one person spent a bunch of money.

We had a bride recently who after her work shower invited everyone to come to her wedding ceremony ONLY. That was a terrible idea. No offense, but if people aren't invited to the reception they definitely don't want to come to the ceremony

I can see where you feel awkward with the big country club affair. Hopefully she will get the hint when you suggest a more low key affair.

green795

Ajoyd, I should probably clarify. Like your work, we usually collect some money from the whole team and one of us takes the money collected and does the shopping. After reading my post again it sounds like I'm saying one person is buying all the gifts!

kdaywedding

That's my goal tha I can talk her down from making too big of a deal of it. It's just awkward that she's my boss. Thanks, ladies!