Inviting guests to showers but not the wedding??

hannahwedding

It is becoming more common in the small town (Arkansas) where I live that guests are invited to showers and not the wedding. This seems very rude and lets the person know that you just want the gift and not their presence at the celebration. Am I the only one who feels this way? Is traditional etiquette out?

VeggieLove1022

I've never met anyone in Central AR that believed this, but I do agree that etiquette isn't top priority for many people here, just my experience.

melissak1q

Sounds like someone just wanting gifts.

I was once invited to a reception but not the ceremony. I did not bother to attend.

KatieK501

I have mixed feelings about this myself and I am finding myself in that situtation.  I'm originally from a small town, went to college in Fayetteville, worked in Missouri for a year, and have lived in Little Rock for the past three years (which is where the wedding will be).  I have made a lot of friends at all of those places.  Due to budget, I cannot invite everyone to the wedding, so I am going with family and closest friend.  This however, excludes a lot of the people that my mom would like to invite from my hometown with which I am not close.  We've discussed the guest list, and my mom is okay with who I'm leaving out, but I'm pretty sure that she is still going to want to invite those people to the shower.  This has nothing to do with me wanting to get more stuff.  I have lived on my own for 6 years, owning my own house for three of those, so I really have no idea for what I'm even going to register.  It's more about my mom wanting to get together with those people, and my personal opinion on it is that I have enough on my plate as is; the shower is something I don't have to worry with planning, so I'm going to let my mom and the people throwing it worry about who they want to invite.

VeggieLove1022

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_arkansas_inviting-guests-showers-but-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:76Discussion:a332a255-fec2-4522-9d0a-f082687127f2Post:e64961ef-3c03-46f3-89e8-2ae283139985">Re: Inviting guests to showers but not the wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]I have mixed feelings about this myself and I am finding myself in that situtation.  I'm originally from a small town, went to college in Fayetteville, worked in Missouri for a year, and have lived in Little Rock for the past three years (which is where the wedding will be).  I have made a lot of friends at all of those places.  Due to budget, I cannot invite everyone to the wedding, so I am going with family and closest friend.  This however, excludes a lot of the people that my mom would like to invite from my hometown with which I am not close.  We've discussed the guest list, and my mom is okay with who I'm leaving out, but I'm pretty sure that she is still going to want to invite those people to the shower.  This has nothing to do with me wanting to get more stuff.  I have lived on my own for 6 years, owning my own house for three of those, so I really have no idea for what I'm even going to register.  It's more about my mom wanting to get together with those people, and my personal opinion on it is that I have enough on my plate as is; the shower is something I don't have to worry with planning, so I'm going to let my mom and the people throwing it worry about who they want to invite.
Posted by KatieK501[/QUOTE]

Well you don't have to register and you definitely don't have to accept a shower at all. Why doesn't your mom have a cookout with all of these long time friends and have it not wedding related? You and your FI could be there and everyone could congratulate you, but not be expected to bring gifts. It seems like that's what you're wanting anyways. There's no need for a shower if you don't want one. Just say, "Thanks so much for offering, but I'd really just like maybe a BBQ so everyone could come."  Either way, know that it's extremely rude and hurtful to ask people to give you a gift, but not invite them to your wedding. A shower is suppose to shower the bride with presents, so essentially, it appear to most people that you're only asking these people for a gift, and I'm sure that's not how you intend to do things.

brandichamberlain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_arkansas_inviting-guests-showers-but-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:76Discussion:a332a255-fec2-4522-9d0a-f082687127f2Post:bf027a6a-6a43-41ba-a7ae-edff6fb83bd9">Re: Inviting guests to showers but not the wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never met anyone in Central AR that believed this, but I do agree that etiquette isn't top priority for many people here, just my experience.
Posted by VeggieLove1022[/QUOTE]

MERE!!!!! Hey :)

VeggieLove1022

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_arkansas_inviting-guests-showers-but-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:76Discussion:a332a255-fec2-4522-9d0a-f082687127f2Post:641f1a41-da24-436a-be00-d62544be62e1">Re: Inviting guests to showers but not the wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting guests to showers but not the wedding?? : MERE!!!!! Hey :)
Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]

Ms. future Mrs. Brandi!!!!

mbishop7

Is it just me or is this is CENTRAL Arkansas thing?

I'm from Springdale/Fayetteville and have always had a marvelous time at weddings. I moved to Russellville to go to school at Arkansas Tech, where I met my fiance, and where we have lived now for 4 years (we graduate in May, get married in June, yeaahhh!!)). Weddings in NWA have always been fab. Big, fun, elegant. Weddings in central Arkansas? Drab, boring, unappealing. Weddings in NWA have dancing, music, cocktails... weddings in central Arkansas? Finger foods and a candy bar.

I've noticed this with showers, which is why I bring it up here. This aren't just as.. organized or as... special I guess is the word. Similar families, backgrounds, classes.. so it's not that. My FI has mentioned it has to do with religion which I guess makes sense. Having a wedding without dancing is just SOOOO weird to me!?!?

Does anyone else notice this?

KatieK501

I don't think it's just a Central Arkansas thing.  You can look on the "Etiquette" Board and find similar posts from people outside of Arkansas, as well as a general google search shows that a lot of people have this same issue.

But speaking of etiquette, I don't think I'd insult other people's weddings or showers.

hannahwedding

Thanks for the opinions. I think from now on, I will just wait until I receive the wedding invitation before I send a gift. Problem solved.

VeggieLove1022

Well from what I've read recently, I'd wait until you're at the wedding or after to be sending a gift. I've heard of people "uninviting" some of their guests because they went over what the venue allowed. And not to mention all the drama with if the wedding gets called off beforehand you may feel that you deserve your present back and the couple may think different. Bringing the gift at the wedding or sending it in the mail afterwards would avoid many of these issues, just from my personal experience.