Grrrr! Angry at my fiance! Major Vent!

singing_lyn

I was discussing our guest list with my fiance last night because I want to start working on the seating chart as I have time and I'm asking about so and so and everything and he goes "I don't know if they'll bring their children though." And I'm like What!?! He never told me about any of the kids that we need to have seats for because he "didn't think it mattered!" So now he tells me that all the kids will probably add like 40 people and he doesn't know any ages or any names, nothing, because he hasn't seen the kids in so long. And we can't invite my families kids and not his families.

So now I'm stressing about money and I don't think I ordered enough favor boxes, linens, vases for our centerpieces, cake, or invitations! Plus we need to know the kids under 8 because they're half price and I don't want to pay full price for kids we don't have to.

Plus I already sent out STD's and come to find out he confused me with some of his relatives so there are a few that probably didn't get one and others that I addressed incorrectly because he didn't tell me they were married or had kids or anything! Evidently he didn't listen well enough when I told him all of the things I needed and why when we were coming up with the guest list and I didn't think he wouldn't tell me things I needed to know!

Just grrrr... I know I'll figure it out and get it straightened out, but I just wish I knew all of this sooner and not when I need to start addressing invitations and everything. I just needed to vent.

Nancy00714

Sounds very annoying!  Guys just don't understand how every single detail is important when planning a wedding   Like you say everything will work out in the end.  Maybe it would be easier to get this info from his mom?

owengirl996

Oh man, i would be super frustrated too!

That's why I went straight to FI's parents for a guest list lol I still don't know kid ages and names, but most won't be able to come since they live far away, so I'm not too worried. if they RSVP yes, hopefully they write all names so I'll have those, and his parents can estimate ages.

Good luck!! It will all work out in the end

singing_lyn

The problem is his mom passed when he was 12, so I had him ask his aunt (which I don't think he did), and sisters for the guest lists from their weddings, and they got married so long ago they didn't have the lists anymore, so he was going off the top of his head trying to remember his cousins, aunts and uncles, but he completely skipped the kids because he didn't know. So now I have to see if I can have him sit down and call his aunts with me next to him to get the names and addresses of the people we missed.

Nancy00714

Oh, that's sad

Lisariqua

Oh no! I would definately be upset. 40 is a big number to miss, a lot more people you have to accomodate.

mekiakoo

Oh no! I'd be frustrated too!! Sometimes it seems like men just don't realize how important details are! My FI is like that so I can relate. Probably a good idea to call his aunt and get this sorted out! ETA: I probably sounded like a sexist right there lol, but obviously it doesn't only happen with men

Nati05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_grrrr-angry-at-my-fiance-major-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:f673175a-2c1b-4d43-ab2e-63228714fd53Post:aab7c184-8851-4e4b-9694-03fa7694b42a">Re: Grrrr! Angry at my fiance! Major Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]The problem is his mom passed when he was 12, so I had him ask his aunt (which I don't think he did), and sisters for the guest lists from their weddings, and they got married so long ago they didn't have the lists anymore, so he was going off the top of his head trying to remember his cousins, aunts and uncles, but he completely skipped the kids because he didn't know. So now I have to see if I can have him sit down and call his aunts with me next to him to get the names and addresses of the people we missed.
Posted by singing_lyn[/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, now after you've already ordered certain things! These are one of those moments where sometimes you just wanna strangle the guy haha! He didn't think it mattered to mention kids who will need seats and food hahaha smh... I'm glad it sounds like you have some self-control lol! ;-)

Ok but in all seriousness, don't rely on him anymore with this guest list thing. You say you're going to see if you can sit him down to call his aunts and family members, but if I were you, I'd skip that part and do it myself. At this point, I wouldn't want to take any chances that he forgets to ask about ages, or doesn't remember certain family members to call... who knows. Maybe it's just the way I prefer to deal with fixing mistakes, but I'd rather be safe than sorry by seeing something like this through myself. Even if you don't talk to them much or go to his family members very often for help, I'm sure it won't be a problem since they'll understand you're planning a wedding here. GL! Keep us posted!

avsfan33

I'm probably the minority but if FI messed up this bad HE would be the one fixing his mistakes not me.

ajmom2two

Oh no! I would probably have lost my temper & bitten his head off! Glad you seem a bit more under control! I would want to make my FI fix the problem too, but for me I would stress less if I just did it myself! I'm sure it will all work out fine. Hugs!

dramaqueen91087

Wow that sucks. I'm sorry you've already ordered stuff. I'm so glad we're not invitng kids. I'm having problems with FI guest list too. I did ask his mom, but she doesn't know the names of her (step) daughters husbands or pretty much anyones guests or in some cases last names. Its really frustrating. I told her she has a couple more weeks to get names but I need them ASAP.

Madisonpenny

I might be against the grain but it sounds like he isn't very close with his extended family.  If this is the case and he doesn't even know half of them, cause honestly if he did he'd remember that cousin Cheryl had 2 kids in the last 5 years (as an example)..... so my point is if he's not close to these people and even know them.. why are you inviting them?
I don't understand why people invite family members that they've only met 1, 2 or a handful of times in their life... To keep the peace? 

avsfan33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_grrrr-angry-at-my-fiance-major-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:f673175a-2c1b-4d43-ab2e-63228714fd53Post:9662814b-67d9-4801-a2be-a807a183fcf3">Re: Grrrr! Angry at my fiance! Major Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]I might be against the grain but it sounds like he isn't very close with his extended family.  If this is the case and he doesn't even know half of them, cause honestly if he did he'd remember that cousin Cheryl had 2 kids in the last 5 years (as an example)..... so my point is if he's not close to these people and even know them.. why are you inviting them? I don't understand why people invite family members that they've only met 1, 2 or a handful of times in their life... To keep the peace? 
Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

Also, this.

Nati05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_grrrr-angry-at-my-fiance-major-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:f673175a-2c1b-4d43-ab2e-63228714fd53Post:5434b439-75e1-4fb6-856c-1743413d19d0">Re: Grrrr! Angry at my fiance! Major Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm probably the minority but if FI messed up this bad HE would be the one fixing his mistakes not me.
Posted by avsfan33[/QUOTE]

Oh it would be tempting for sure! But I'd be even more ticked off if for some crazy reason, the same thing happened twice. Instead I'd probably give my FI a task equally time consuming to make up for it.

michelle11988

I would definitely be talking to the aunts directly at this point. I also second the thought about why you are inviting these people if he totally forgot about them.

singing_lyn

I totally agree Nait! That's what he said and I was like "REALLY!!!" I've been telling you we need this many tables, and we're having this many people and kids, and you didn't think I needed to know about 40 more kids!

I also agree and I don't understand inviting people that I've never met either, and he's not that close with him family because after his mom died they sort of drifted apart, but he does know all the aunts, uncles, and cousins, he's inviting, it's their kids he's unsure of because he didn't see them much and hasn't at all in the past year and a half. There are people that he's family with and that he's not inviting at all because they have no relationship, but these adults he does so he should know and I can't get why he doesn't know their kids names or if he was just being difficult last night because he didn't want to deal with it. I'm thinking the latter.

Plus one of his cousin's was being difficult about getting anything from because she wanted to clear giving out her kids addresses with them before giving them to us and I was like "Really? Why? Are we going to spam them, or send them something stupid? No it's a freaking wedding invitation!" I guess it's just how his family is though.

Wish me luck on sitting down with him and getting it figured out tonight because I need to find out if I need to order more wedding invitations primarily and need that done ASAP. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it with my family and MOH gone on vacation right now.

Nati05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_grrrr-angry-at-my-fiance-major-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:f673175a-2c1b-4d43-ab2e-63228714fd53Post:df842fd6-720c-4bce-b1e5-662d9045cf61">Re: Grrrr! Angry at my fiance! Major Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]Plus one of his cousin's was being difficult about getting anything from because she wanted to clear giving out her kids addresses with them before giving them to us and I was like <strong>"Really? Why? Are we going to spam them, or send them something stupid? No it's a freaking wedding invitation!"</strong> I guess it's just how his family is though.
Posted by singing_lyn[/QUOTE]

Hahahaha! That's the weirdest reaction I've ever heard! It's not like you're asking them for their bank account number! Sheesh! Hang in there girl! :)

RyansBelovedBride

Yeesh! This is worthy of a vent.

ajmom2two

I cant believe she couldnt just give you the addresses!  Thats just silly!  Good grief!

Elinetrouwt

Wow, that is definitely worth a vent! 

I thought that my FI had let his family know of our wedding by worth of mouth. We are not sending STD's, and he told me everything was fine. Turns out that they didn't know they would be invited, and that they expected us to make a sort announcement on the new year's family reunion, like two of his cousins did before. He could have told me...