So full of questions tonight... Scared about re-flying the nest... Little long...

mandctaft

So I moved out of my parents' house and into my grandparents' house just after graduation 7 years ago because my grandfather and I worked the same hours, different jobs though, so it was easiest to get up, have breakfast, pack my lunch, go to work, come home, and do it all again.

Shortly after that I met my ex and moved into the boarding house where he lived so I could be closer to him and work. We moved into our own apartment not long after that. I really was beginning to regret that desicion, but i felt like I couldn't go home and I thought all relationships were supposed to be the way that mine was. I don't know if I ever wanted to be with him, but I really wanted to get out of my tiny town and be independant. 

May 2009 we broke up because I finally wised up to his BS and I moved in with my roommate and we lived together for a year. After I met FI and he proposed, I moved in with him and his roommate until the trailor we were going to buy was ready. It wasn't ready by the time we gave his roommate our notice, so we moved in with FIL for a few weeks until the trailor was ready. That didn't work out due to FIL's friend screwing us. We stayed with them until I was "very nicely" asked to leave after I got laid off from work last January.

FI found a new roommate to live with and I moved in with my parents again and have been sleeping on their couch(my little brother got my room) ever since. We weren't planning on it lasting that long, but our tax returns weren't good and he had to put money into his car. His car then blew the motor and he spent a few months giving someone way to much gas money to get to work. He finally found a truck to get on payments. I haven't been able to find a job in my small town that pays more than my unemployment, so for now, I'm not much help.

As much as there is no privacy and I miss FI like crazy, I'm gotten to like living at home again. I get to bond with my mom the way I never could when I was a moody, know-it-all teenager and I get to spend time with the young men that were my kid brothers. Mom cooks and does dishes most of the time, but I do my fair share. I vacuum and do laundry. I like living here, but I do want to live with FI.

We are going to start looking for apartments so by March, we should have our own place. I've started freaking out about it a little. I want to be on my own, be responsible, and be with FI, but I know I'm going to miss my mom the most. I don't know If I'd be having such a problem if we could find something within 15 or so minutes of my parents, but there is nothing local that's affordable right now.

FI is absolutely the most wonderful guy I've met. He's caring, loving, funny, knows how to apologize, and he loves me as much as I love him. I want to spend my life with him and I know moving in together is part of that process.

For anyone who hasn't moved out yet, are you feeling this way? For those who have moved out for good, did you go through this? I'm going to be moving out and going to live with FI whether or not I still have these feelings because its untimately what I want, I'm just really emotional this time. I kind of mentioned it to my mom, and she said when she married my dad she was fine, because she figured she knew deep down she would be returning home, which she did 5 months after she married and 3 months after I was born. But when she married my stepdad, she sat in her bed and cried because she knew it would be the last time she slept there. I'm hoping that I'm only having these feelings because its so final. I know I don't want to sleep on the couch forever, so what is my problem?

littlemoments324

When I moved out for the first time, it was kind of gradual.  I got my apartment up at school and I was able to go back home on the weekends...then I started staying at FI's house (or mom's place) a lot more.  Then we moved to FL & have been inseparable ever since. 

It was tough to move to FL, but it wasn't as tough being away from them when we lived in MI because I know I could go visit or stay there whenever I wanted to.  We still can, but obviously that isn't vesable. When we still lived in MI, there were times when I got home sick and wanted just to be at my mom's house.  No biggie  

As for you, maybe moving a little ways so you two can support each other better would be a good idea.  As long as you're within a few hours of driving from your parents, that would be good.  If we ever moved back to MI we would never move back to our hometown because there are no jobs there.  We need to support ourselves & our future family, and we know moving back there isn't an option!

Good luck, I hope I helped some!

michelle11988

I moved out more or less when I went to college, especially my sophmore year.  I want abroad for a semester and then moved in with FI and his roommates for the summer and never really came back for more than a week.  I was only about an hour and a half or so from my parents so I still could visit when I was homesick or wanted a good meal without cooking.  After college FI and I lived in the Southern part of the state and our parents lived in the Northern part, it was always a pain to get up there because we had to cut through Boston or go around.  We recently moved about 20 minutes away from our parents and its been so nice to be back up here.  We are just close enough to go home or have them over but still just far enough that they can't show up unexpectedly.  I never felt the anxiety of moving out but maybe that was because it was gradual and still within driving distance.

penny12986

I lived at home until I was 23.  I commuted all through college so I was dying to leave as soon as I graduated and got a job to support myself. 

I lived on my own for a year to have that experience and then moved in with FI.  Right now, we live around 15 miles away from my parents and to them, it seems like we are on the other side of the country.

I can certainly understand the hesitation about leaving your family but there is a lot of pride and independence that comes from making your own way.  Though there will be some distance between you and your family but you'll be busy making a new life and there is still time on the weekends to visit.

k8888

I'm going through the same kind of emotions right now, so I know what you're going through.  I'm quickly approaching 30 and at this point in my life, I NEED to get out of my mom's house.  But at the same time, I get really homesick, so I'm pretty terrified. 

My mom is recently divorced so I'm really torn about leaving her alone, as well.  (I stayed home to keep her company through the divorce, but it also allowed me to go to grad school without taking out loans).  BUT, my brother lives down the street, so I think it's about time for him to step it up with spending some time with her!

FI is a total mama's boy so I'm also scared he's going to become lazy and rely on me to do everything since that's what his mom does at home.  I've made it very clear that I won't be his mother, but old habits die hard....

I'd like to think that once we're settled with our FI's we'll look back at this and have a good laugh, right? 

julyxoxo

I'm so glad you started this thread, because I definitely need to talk about this and it's not easy to talk about it to my friends who are either married or living on their own and supporting themselves! Ever since I met my FI, we've lived far away (about an hour and a half) but with work & school, it was impossible to see each other for more than a few hours a week. And we were constantly traveling! So in September, about 5 months after we got engaged, my FI gets a job in CT, which is 4 hours from his house but only 1.5 from mine. So, he moved out of his house and into mine, and now we're getting ready to move closer to his job, which means living 1.5 hrs away from my home. I'm struggling also! It's hard. It's a part of life and when your parents had you, they always assumed you would get married and leave, but it's still hard for both parties. Oy.

AllyG303

I would cry when I would come home from college for Christmas break and FI wanted me to stay with him instead of my parents.  When I graduated, I moved back in with the parents, but when FI got really sick, I gradually moved into his apartment.  Now I can't imagine not living with him. 

It's not like you can't go back and visit and even spend the night on the couch when you feel homesick now and then.  It will get easier once you and FI are submerged in the life that you are creating together.

mekiakoo

I grew up having the hardest time even spending a night away from home. I lived at the dorms during my high school years (an hour away from my parents) and that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I refused to move 1,500 miles away for college (Gallaudet University, a deaf college) because I couldn't bear being away from my family.

I moved in with my FI (boyfriend back then) about 20 minutes from my parents just before my junior year in college and I remember the first night I just cried and cried. I felt so lost and I started developing anxiety, I hated being away from them.

I am now four hours away from my parents and it was difficult at first, but what helped me was knowing that I was doing this for myself and for my future. I moved to go to graduate school and it was always my dream to live up north, near lakes, out in the country.

Last year I considered moving back to the cities so I could be closer to my family, but then my dad told me that this was my time to start MY own life, MY own family and I'd not be "building" a family with my parents. That really woke me up and I've been perfectly okay with being away from them because I know that this is what my FI and I want and we are happy with what we have right now. My anxiety is a lot better now and I am able to cope with it.

My parents had to give me a little bit of nudge. They're only a drive away and I feel more closer with them now that I don't live with them. I talk with them more and I am more excited to see them when we visit.

It is difficult at times when I only want my "mommy"- especially when I get sick! But FI has been wonderful and I am learning that I am capable of living on my own independently!

Good luck, I believe that most people feel this way, it's exciting and scary at the same time. I'm glad others feel the same way here. We can support each other

Madisonpenny

When I moved out, it was for university... I was from a very small town and I was moving to the big city.  I never moved back home. I was 18 years old. Went to school, got a job and paid my way.  After school, I got an apartment with ex-FI (I was engaged once before) we lived together for a total of 5 years and was engaged for 7months.  Found out he was cheating, called off the wedding and kicked his ass out.
So now I'm left with ALL the bills, no car and a brand new job. Crap.
I buy a brand new car (which is the same one I have) still have the same job, met (current) FI, we moved in together after dating for 6 months and had a roommate so we could get an even nicer place.  We find out this roommate had a secret drug problem (he was addicted to cocaine) and there's a warrant out for his arrest for $20K worth of stolen goods which he stole from his place of employment. Crap.
I put on my big girl undies and kick his ass out, tell him to never come back and I'd send all his stuff to a friend of his. Which we did.
Fast forward 2 years. FI and I buy a house, we're happy, he proposes 2 years after we buy the house and we're at present day.
To answer your question? No I never felt sad leaving my hometown, I get homesick on the rare occasion because I miss the quiet and peacefulness of back home but I don't miss living at home.

ginadog

I moved out of the house when I was 18.  I lived 3 hours away and had to manage my dad's condo while at school.  That meant find renters, interview them, work up contracts, pay the mortgage.  He bought the condo for my sisters and I to live in and we had to keep the spare rooms rented in order to pay the mortgage.  Any difference in mortgage we had to come up with oursevles.  I also was an assistant manager at the local Subway.  All this while going to school full time. I was awfully indpendent and mature at such a young age.

I was glad to leave home, I had no qualms about it. 

Then after school I moved 1500 miles away.  I don't remember being sad at all about it.  I still live 1500 miles away and I fly home to see my family 2x a year at least.

avojean

Your anxiety is understandable!  It has been a very long time since I became independent from my parents, but I do remember those feelings.  In my case, my parents moved away from me and left me to finish school when my Dad took a new job after a year without work!  This was in the days before cell phones and email I might add, so our long distance phone bills grew astronomical!  I was in NY and they were in Alabama so a weekend visit was out of the question.  Mom and I kept in touch by phone and by old-fashioned U.S. mail!  I did visit over Christmas holiday and spring break.  Once I graduated I moved back home.  After awhile I left again, moving just across town with a roomate which was a good transition.  About a year later I got married and once again found myself 1500miles away in NH.  At first it was tough, I remember one night sobbing because I missed my family so much.  Once again the telephone and postal service became my anchor to home.  You'll figure it out.  As you and FI make your own home, and develop your own routines and habits, and even ways of celebrating little milestones, you will find yourself missing your parents less and less.  You have to support each other on those days when you feel down.  At least today we can txt and FB and most of us have unlimited minutes or a family plan on the cell phone!  Good Luck in the short term!  I think you will be fine and as someone mentioned look back on this anxious time someday and smile . . .