Poll: Changing your name?

dc*prep

I'm just curious to know what you all are doing with your name after marriage. Are you picking up FI's last name? Hyphenating? Moving your last name to your middle name? Retaining your name?

I've decided to keep my name, although I always figured I'd change my last name. After A LOT of thought, this feels like the right choice for me.

What about you all?

shudak1

I'm still undecided!  Such a tough decision I think.  How did you come to your final decision?

LittleSweetie

I changed my name.  It was important to me to have the same name, and I wasn't too attached to my "maiden" (hate that word, makes me think of Maid Merrian) name anyways.

theophania

I thought about it a LONG time too, and finally decided that it is really important for me to have the same last name as my future kids. So, I'm moving my last name to my middle name and taking FI's last name. I didn't want to do the hyphen thing since that seems to get confusing when you need to alphabetize and what-not.

veijes

I'm changing my middle name to be my maiden name so I was Jessica Middle Last, now I'll be Jessica Old Last New Last. No hyphens or anything. I am doing this for 3 reasons, 1- my new name would be way too common if I kept my given middle name 2- I LOVE my last name and 3- I might be working for my family business so on the business cards I will have old last name as my middle name.

P.S. I thought about keeping my old name but part of me is just too traditional and I am kind of excited to change my name

leggwilliams

I'm taking FI's last name and I'm super excited about it! I have a very common last name so I don't mind giving it up

dc*prep

I don't know how I finally came to my decision. Basically, I think it was just a gut feeling -- I knew I wasn't ready to change my name. When I started considering keeping my name, I talked to coworkers and friends who kept theirs, and it was helpful to hear how their experience has been to have a last name that's different than their husband's and their children. But I live in DC, where it's pretty common for a woman to keep her name, so it's not that strange.  Plus, I've already built up a professional reputation, so I hate to lose that by changing my name.

But ultimately, I feel like my name is SOOOO ME. There are only 47 listings of my last name in the U.S., and although I used to hate my last name, now I like it.

LolaBelle515

We are hyphenating.  Both of our last names are one syllable, so it's not too complicated. 

I personally wanted to combine our last nights to form a new one, but that got voted down:)

I think it's amazing how much the last name thing has changed in the last 50 years--we are so lucky that there are so many options that are common these days.!

Clare13

I am going to have two middle names.  So my name will be
First Name, Middle name Last Name, FI Last name
I will not be hyphenating any of the names.  I will socially go by my first name and FI last name.  But professionally, I may often use my original last name. 
I really feel it is important to have the same last name as my future children and my FI.  I want to take his name but don't want to entirely give up my identity up to this point. 

cltk12

I am changing mine.  I didn't realize that so many people didn't change theirs until I joined the boards.  Also, FI said he wouldn't marry me if I didn't change my name - haha.  It will be much easier for kid related items.

Now that it's getting closer to the wedding I'm realizing my name will be different.  I sign things C. Last Name so now my signiture will COMPLETELY change.

shameless_ad

I'm excited to change my name - I never really considered not changing it, beyond the momentary "Will I change my name" question.  I like the tradition of it, and I like that we will share our name.

shudak1

I know lots who have kept their names and lots who have changed it.  I am leaning toward adding it.  tacking his name onto the end of my current name.  Then I'll have four names, still keep mine, and share one with him and possible chillens one day.  And professionally i may not change it at all.

drdifabio

We are actually combining our names. We came to this decision after A LOT of discussion but it is really what makes us both happy. We get all sorts of responses from wow that is cool to really can you do that - but ultimately we wanted to share the same name and I didnt want to take his and he didnt want to take mine and we both loved this idea so this is what we are going to do.

Now just to get his parents on board....:)

shudak1

I love the combining idea!  I know a couple of other people who have done the same OR the guy has taken the lady's name.  Which I also think is great!  Someone else commented how great it is that things are so fluid these days that anything goes as long as you're happy with your decsion!

heatherwu1998

I'm keeping my last name.  I've given this A LOT of thought.  FI really wants me to take his last name, but I can't do it.  I think I would always resent him for "making me" give up my name.  In an ideal world, we would combine our names or both hyphenate.  However, since he's unwilling to change his name and I'm unwilling to change mine to his, things are going to stay the way they are . . .

If we decide to have kids, we'll probably hyphenate.  The kids will be just as much mine as his, so it makes sense for them to have both our names.  Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I should have to change my name to my husband's or lose out on giving my name to my children.

dc*prep

drdifabio - I've heard of that, but I've never actually known anyone who's done it! (Then again, most of my friends aren't married yet.) I'm glad you were able to come to a decision that felt right for both of you

dc*prep

heatherwu -- I know some people who have kids with hyphenated last names. But then what happens when those kids get married? And even more complicated -- what if they marry someone else who ALSO has a hyphenated last name?! I can't even imagine how they would choose which names to use!

drdifabio

Thanks! Yea we are really excited about combining although I am sure it will be a pain in the @$$ to do so with all the paper work and such. I heard it is hard to change your name to your husbands so I am sure that creating an entirely new name wont be any easier.

Steph0871

I am changing mine.  I really like my current last name, though, so I wasn't sure what to do.  Being on the boards, though, made me realize I can do anything   My last name is not common and my new last name will be "Williams (not so original!), so that's part of it. I think I'll go: first, middle, maiden, new last name.

FI really was against me not having his last name, mostly for future kid stuff, so I think it's a good compromise.

Drdifabio- love your idea.  I have a coworker who did it and most people don't really think twice about it.  Your families might have concerns, but no one else you'll meet will know the difference!

Bimbi284

Ugh...this was an issue I thought about long and hard as well! For the longest time I was thinking about keeping my last name as my middle name. I don't currently have a middle name, so it would be neat to finally have one! But then, when I was actually filling out the application, I just couldn't do it. It just didn't seem right to me for some reason. I actually filled it out at home, and left the name section blank until I was actually standing at the licensing office ready to hand it over. So, in my application, I have FI's last name as my new last name, and still no middle name. I still kinda think about it, and kinda wish I would be keeping my last name, since it is a big part of me and my culture, but when I told FI that I applied to take his last name only, he was SOOO excited about it! He was so genuinely happy that I decided to do it that I feel like I may have made the right decision. While I am working towards a profession where my name will be important, I have yet to be published, and the projects I am currently working on probably won't be out until after our wedding anyway.  Sooo yeah, I still kinda think it would be neat to have kept my last name in some regard, but I'm sure I'll get over it haha.

heatherwu1998

I don't like the idea of hyphenating, but at this point, I don't know what else to do.  I would have loved to share a name (by combining our names or creating a new one), but FI is very traditional and won't even consider changing his name.  I might change my mind if and when we decide to have kids, but for right now, it's what I'm most comfortable with.  As for what any future kids will do when they get married, that's up to them!  They could adopt their future husband or wife's last name, combine, hyphenate, create a new name, etc. 

drdifabio --- Did it take awhile for your FI to get comfortable with the idea of changing his name?  Is he worried about what his friends and family will think?  The main reason my FI is so opposed to changing his name is that he considers it immasculating.  He's concerned about what other men will say to his face and behind his back.

hkiesling

I changed my last name and kept my first and middle the same.  I'm pretty traditional at heart, and also lazy.  Writing out a hyphenated version all the time just seemed to take too long.  It did take a little getting used to though.

ssminy79

I'm definitely keeping my last name. I really like it and it is unique.  My FI is all in favor of it too as his last name is very common.  I have also established myself professionally with my name so I don't really want to change it for that reason.l

I have considered hyphenating our two last names, just for myself only, but I haven't made that decision yet.

My students had fun of finding different combinations for our last names, but none of them really would have been good.  They were all too goofy!

drdifabio

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_poll-changing-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:0b83a8c4-dd56-4acc-a013-097b6e61617dPost:2c19795c-ce30-4552-903e-337d5d8e4857">Re: Poll: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]drdifabio --- Did it take awhile for your FI to get comfortable with the idea of changing his name?  Is he worried about what his friends and family will think?  The main reason my FI is so opposed to changing his name is that he considers it immasculating.  He's concerned about what other men will say to his face and behind his back.
Posted by heatherwu1998[/QUOTE]
Yea Joe and I talked about it a lot. We eventually came to the fact that neither of us think it is fair to ask the other person to completely give up their name - this way we both get to keep part of our past and start a brand new future together not only with our marriage but with our last name too. He has gotten a little bit of flack from his family and friends but after explaining to them how perfect this is for us they get it - or at least his friends do. His family still is having a hard time with it but at least they have stopped voicing this. They think we are getting rid of their linage by changing our name - maybe a little - but it is not like we are asking them to change theirs and I think they may need to keep that in mind. Honestly people will give you crap for whatever they think they can get away with. I have found that when Joe stands his ground his guy friends respect that. If he was like uhg my FI made me do this then yea he prolly would get talked about but he presents it like this awesome idea we both came up with (which is what it is) so people get it. Sorry that is so long but I hope it helps!

drdifabio

Oh and our last names also combine perfectly - we both have 7 letters with the middle letter (4th letter) being an "a" in both. So we are taking the first three letters of his name, the a, then the last three letters of my name. We chose to have his name mainly because it sounded way better than having mine first and also because we can at least have his first to try to follow tradition at least a very little bit.

dc*prep

ssminy -- I know this is strange, but are you by any chance Finnish? I don't know anyone else who'd travel to the UP for fun

may2010wedding

I have decided to take FI's last name. I am not to fond of mine as it is hard to say so I have no issues changing it.

juliels53

I cannot wait to take his name! My name is so difficult, 12 letters, plus there's an f and z in there which is annoying over the phone. FI's is a bit easier at 8 letters, but mainly people will be able to prounouce it correctly!

MichellePete

I jokenly told DH that the only reason I was marrying him was for his last name.  I was at the end of the alphabet, his is near the beginning.  I had a very hard to spell, often mispronounced last name, his is easy.  I gave up my maiden name.

MN_Jen

I think I'll just be keeping my name, at least for the time being.  I'm perfectly fine with being referrered to as "Mr and Mrs HisLastName" but I really can't picture legally changing mine.

blondie424

I decided to have two middle names, I'm too attached to both my middle and last name, I just couldn't give either of them up.  My middle name is from both grandmas & my mom and I want to continue the tradition.

It was a hard decision for me because I felt like changing my last name was giving up who I was...and I'm not a hyphen kind of girl...but in the end, I decided to take FI's last name but keep mine as a second middle name.  I probably won't use my both middle names all the time but at least it's legally still there and that makes me happy.

I love the idea of combing names but it wouldn't work for us, we both end in 'son'