Missing the ceremony, but coming to the reception???

sarmccar

Hello all,
This is my first post!  I've made it this far with no major planning issues...so thankful for that, but I'm having big headaches when it comes to RSVPs. With only a few weeks until the wedding, trying to remain calm, but deal with high maintenacne guests!  Here's the backstory, I'll try to make it short. :-)
Our wedding is on a Friday evening, with the ceremony starting at 6:00 pm and reception immediately following. FI and I understood this could create some schduling challenges for guests with work, etc.  We did send save the dates back in June, to help people get it on their calendar to plan. So far, so good!
Anyway, one friend admitted they lost the invite, and told me she and her husband were coming. Great.  But now, since she lost the invite, she's having to ask all sorts of questions about the evening.  The latest is what's bothering me particularly. Now she's saying they might not make it to the wedding, but she wants to know what time the reception is.  Isn't it in poor taste to not go the the ceremony, but attend the reception?  I'm not cold hearted, I know she and her hubby both have jobs, (she's a teacher) and they are dropping kids at the sitter, and driving from Maple Grove to St. Paul, but really?  What do I say to her saying they might miss the wedding...it's the most important part!  
I've already had to chase down quite a few guests for RSVPs. What amazes me is that most have come back to say they are totally intending to come...which makes me wonder when and how they were going to let me know that without mailing back the RSVP! (Sorry, vent!) 
I'm struggling with how to respond. I've had a few high maintenance guests that I've had to babysit to get an RSVP.  RSVPs have honestly been the most stressful part of this whole process. Help!
PS - sorry this turned out so long!

Sarahsue1684

We had quite a few people only able to make it to the reception portion.....Honestly I didn't even think bad about it. I thought of it as at least they can make it at some point and celebrate with us!

shan87

I would probably been bummed if that happened at our Sat. wedding, but on a friday you have that. Maple Grove to St. Paul may not seem that bad but with traffic its a nightmare at rush hour! I use to work in Fridley and live dwntwn St. Paul. It sometimes took me 2 hrs to get home. Its hard for some people to take half days and with children its even harder. (they usually need to save time off for when the kiddos are sick etc).

Don't take it personally and just tell her/them you are happy too have them at whatever they can make but you need the numbers for the venue.

wittyschaffy

I personally have no problem with people just attending the reception - especially if it is a Friday event.   Honestly, for me with my work schedule and commute, it is nearly impossible for me to make it to any ceremony that starts before 7.  With times being what they are, I don't think you can expect that people take time off of work to be at your ceremony.  Trust me when I say that when you walk down that aisle, you will NOT be focused on your guests at all!  Be honored that they're making the effort to celebrate with you.  Treasure that they're going to be at your reception.  Let the other stuff roll off your back. 

And yes, RSVPs are stressful.  Some people just don't understand that a deadline is a deadline and that you actually need to know if they'll be there so you can order food and stuff.  About a week out from our deadline, I handed the guest list back to each person (ILs, my parents, my now hubby) and asked them to start gently reminding their respective list's stragglers that things were coming up fast.  We ended up only missing a few at the end. 

tpender13

I know this is stressful, but try to brush it off. Like PPs said, it takes a good chunk of time to cross the metro, so I'm not surprised that some people will have to miss your ceremony.

And obviously, the ceremony is the most important part to you, but it probably isn't to many of your guests.

SuperRNluvsChef

We're having a Friday wedding as well.  Most are coming to both but a few said they can only make the reception (and after dinner, so I don't have to feed them! hahahah).  And one person is only coming to the ceremony.  I'd just let it go, not the end of the world.  :0)

SuperRNluvsChef

I just realized we're date twins! Congrats

flower_lover

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_missing-ceremony-but-coming-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:0e10fb1a-e19e-404b-bb66-6d82b2761960Post:cdb2ab11-4eef-4931-8c2e-8a30543bf85c">Re: Missing the ceremony, but coming to the reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't take it personally and just tell her/them you are happy too have them at whatever they can make but you need the numbers for the venue.
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]

This.  If your guests are like most people, they probably don't have the flexibility to leave work early, even if they did know about your event in advance.

graysquirrel

I was also really annoyed at people that we had to track down. A lot of them said that they'd lost the invitation but were still coming. Urgh. I still can't believe that they didn't even think to tell us. There isn't much that can be done, though. I would have a good vent about it and then move on with your planning. I also understand how you feel about the reception-only guests. I also think that it is rude to show up for the food and not the ceremony, but there isn't much that can be done here either. They are still trying to make an effort to come which is what is important in the end.