uninterested bridesmaids

esunada

Does anyone have this problem?  I know people say all they have to do is show up to the wedding and stand next to you, but as your bestfriends, you think they'd understand and at least fain some more interest in this special event in my life.

I am having a bridal shower, it's six hours out of the way for them, but I'm offering to drive them down and it would be a weekend thing.  Well one bridemaid said yes, but now canceling due to work?  Said projects coming up that will spill over the weekend, deadlines, yada yada.  My shower is three weeks from now.  Is she saying she she's not going to have any fun over the next 3 weeks, and working non-stop, I find hard to beleive.  She 's not married, no kids, and the job doesn't require her to come to the office on the weekends.   Another didn't give me a reason but said she couldn't and anohter hasn't responded but has responded to other emails about the bachelorette party i'm hosting for her.  I don't know, just bummed I guess.

There have been other things leading up to this but I've typed too much today...

I Want Cake

Just take it at face value.  While they are bridesmaids and your closest friends, they also have lives of their own and other priorities.  I'd still be a little irked at the one who's happy to talk about her bachelorette party but doesn't want to talk about yours.  That's not really fair.

While I didn't have any bridal showers (nobody offered, I didn't bring it up), I didn't ask any of my bridesmaids to do anything before the wedding besides get themselves a dress in the designated length/color (knee length/plum or aqua).  They didn't go to any of my dress appointments, help with any projects, or do anything at all besides plan a night out for us a couple days before the wedding and show up for the rehearsal, and that was completely fine with me.  Nobody is as interested in your wedding as you are, but that doesn't mean they don't care.  Life just gets in the way.

wittyschaffy

I think you need to let it go.  My Bridesmaids were that far away too and they come up for the shower that they threw in my honor and I met them in Chicago just before the wedding for a bachelorette weekend but I had absolutely no expectation that they go out of their way to do anything they didn't want to do.  Life is busy, times are tough, and as long as they had their dress on and showed up for the big day, that is really all that mattered.

jennamarie10

Bridal showers are tough because if they are far away, you need to find a way to get there, possibly somewhere to stay, bring a gift, etc. I agree with PP, that just because they don't come doesn't mean they don't care.

I'm really sorry that you are feeling this way. I know I will be super bummed if my friends can't make my showers/parites but maybe take extra time to appreciate the people that do come to your shower. At the very least, you will have your wedding day to share with your best friends!

quincygirl77

I think the biggest thing I've learned is that most of my friends, while happy I'm getting married, really aren't all that interested in the details, etc.  It's hard when someone only shows interest and responds to emails about their own party, that would bug me as well.  I hope it works out and sorry you are dealing with this!

In a side note, there was an interesting article posted on my month board recently about the costs of being a bride's maid.

http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/not-maid-of-money-the-burden-of-being-a-bridesmaid/?display=wide&cid=soc_tw_bloglink_notmaidofmoney_062211

rachi1285

I totally sympathize with you. My shower was a couple weeks ago and the BM's knew about it a month in advance. One BM didn't even try to switch work days with someone so she could make it. Another one showed up an hour late. And only one of the four BM's offered to help my sis (MOH) with the shower. And they all live within 30 min of us!

Regardless of feeling hurt by their insensitivity, I'm still trying to think of them. I chose a dress that was very reasonably priced. I paid for their shoes. I'm not asking for specific jewelry or hairstyles. I told them I don't expect gifts from them at all.

In your case, six hours IS pretty far! But yes, I agree that bailing out three weeks in advance because of "work" is pretty lame. And the girl who only wants to talk her HER party. I'm sorry! I guess you just have to try to focus on the people who ARE around, like a PP said.

tpender13

This may sound harsh, but nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do. Be a little peeved, have a (short) pity party -- whatever you have to do. Then let it go.

Sarahsue1684

I wouldnt stress over it! There is so much to wedding planning a shower is a time to relax and not worry about anything. Enjoy yourself and have fun!

EmilyW416

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[QUOTE]Does anyone have this problem?  I know people say all they have to do is show up to the wedding and stand next to you, but as your bestfriends, you think they'd understand and at least fain some more interest in this special event in my life. I am having a bridal shower, it's six hours out of the way for them, but I'm offering to drive them down and it would be a weekend thing.  Well one bridemaid said yes, but now canceling due to work?  Said projects coming up that will spill over the weekend, deadlines, yada yada.  My shower is three weeks from now.  Is she saying she she's not going to have any fun over the next 3 weeks, and working non-stop, I find hard to beleive.  <strong>She 's not married, no kids, and the job doesn't require her to come to the office on the weekends.</strong>   Another didn't give me a reason but said she couldn't and anohter hasn't responded but has responded to other emails about the bachelorette party i'm hosting for her.  I don't know, just bummed I guess. There have been other things leading up to this but I've typed too much today...
Posted by esunada[/QUOTE]

Just since its not required doesnt mean she is needed in the office. At my work many people come in and work on saturdays to work on projects and get stuff done.

jsleik

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, but I would take her at face value.  Until recently, I was also single, no kids, job doesn't require me to come in on the weekends, but that doesn't mean work can be taking a lot out of her.  Both then and now, I often have to work late during the week which means things I had meant to do during the week get pushed to the weekends, you bring work home on the weekends, etc.  Single women do have lives too.  And 6 hours is pretty far away.  She has to commit to an overnight trip, so that really takes all weekend.  If her boss said he/she needs her that weekend for something that can't be moved, well, she is telling you when she is finding out.  So it extremely legit that she may not be able to attend, as much as you will miss her.

As for the other BM who only wants to talk about her wedding, well, we can all sympathize. Isn't talking about our own weddings more fun?  Maybe try to set aside time with your bridesmaids to talk about non-wedding stuff so the friendship stays strong.  Once you catch up on what is new with them, they might have a renewed interest in your wedding and what is new with you.  I know it is a tough balance.  My MOH isn't super into wedding stuff, but she knows it is important to me.  I know I bore her to tears with details, so I really try hard to make sure we talk non-wedding too, but I have to really remind myself.  Focus on the friendship and the rest will fall into place one way or another.