Etiquette Stickiness w/potential WP

KittE7

Hi! Similar to what juliels53 asked this week re: Including important people, I have a sweet but sticky situation brewing w/the WP that I'd appreciate your feedback on.

Situation: I asked my 2 BF's to be BMs, FI is not having GM.  I'd like to include a third close friend, but having trouble deciding on the best role.

Sticky bit #1 - Since we started out not having a WP, she may not expect to be a BM, but she knows that my two friends are planning things & thinking about dresses.  Sidenote- One will be 8m pregnant, so they're shopping for blue cocktail dresses of their choosing. This friend knows that the close female guests at the small CM might also wear blue - I'm not insisting on this, they are asking me!! - and she asked me if she should wear her new blue party dress.  (They = FI's sisters, my mom, FMIL... I said to just dress your best, and they wanted a color pallete to choose from. Serious.) Plus, we're planning a bachelorette weekend in Vegas - just the 4 of us gals.  Point is, she's my friend, so she's in the loop & involved already.

Sticky #2 -  FI thinks she's not in the same league of friend as the 2 BF gals. And he's not having GM & doesn't want a big processional. 

This friend is an outgoing, sharp cookie, so we may ask her to be a Reader. As for PA, she has told me that she would not be a good PA nor want to be (her words - I think she's capable of anything). Any other cool roles for her?

So... is the best path to just appoint her as BM & flow with it?  The only diff I see would be that her name would be printed in the program with a title.
Or do you think it's best to ask her to lunch, tell her that I would love to have her involved with the big day, & ask her how she would like to be involved?  
Thanks~

kkaew816

So, the one close friend who is not a BM does not know you are having BMs?

I'd just talk with your friend and tell her you'd like her to be involved and ask her how she'd prefer to be involved, maybe she is just happy being a guest! You may want to bring up that you already have BMs though, unless you'd be willing to have one more.

Also note, a PA doesn't have to do a bunch of crazy things, you could just have her be your PA and just have her there by your side with no official ''duties''

hkiesling

One of my friends was my "Gal Friday" (I officially called her my PA in the program).  She hung out with me a lot before the wedding, looking at dresses, going over flowers, running ideas past her, etc.  The day of the wedding she helped me get dressed, but didn't have many official PA duties.   I just asked her to look around during the day and note if anything looked out of place from my plans (since she was very involved pre-wedding day).  She had fun with the "Gal Friday" title.

KittE7

Ok, thanks   No, she doesn't know yet that I'm having BMs... this decision was made recently in private convos w/the two "MoH/BMs" - with their level of involvement + our relationships, it only made sense to appoint an actual title at this point.
I'd like to involve her in a way that is fun for her.  If she'd prefer to play the role of awesome wedding guest, that's fine too.  I'll ask her tmrw!

Some gals on TK's WP board have said that they don't expect their WP to do anything... I think that BMs, in addition to being in a position of honor (& looking pretty & being good party guests), should be willing to assist (albeit in small ways) with things that may make for a smoother day, a better party.  Is this appropriate?  Is it inferred that by asking someone to be your bridesmaid, they are accepting some responsibilities?

As for asking someone to be a PA, and being responsible for true PA stuff like securing the gifts/cards/guest book at the end of the night (?), is it appropriate to ask my godmother/aunt who is also throwing me a shower?

NWR - FI is going NUTZ in the living room right now watching the Duke game... hahahaha

hkiesling

I had two PAs that were friends, but they mostly helped with getting me ready (corset), holding my bouquet during photos, and grabbing something from my purse if I needed it.  A PA is not a DOC.  They are there to help with a few small things that would be hard for you to do yourself.  I also split their "duties" so that one helped a bit more during the ceremony and one a bit more during the reception, so that they had time to just be a guest as well.

My BMs supported me during the planning processes and one addressed my envelops (she has GORGEOUS handwriting), but otherwise their duties are pretty much to wear whatever your tell them to wear, show up, and smile for pictures.  That said, most will probably offer to do a little more, in which case, it is etiquettly okay to have them do a bit more.