BM Question

MilitaryBride2Be

Ok so I'm getting married downtown and only 3 of my bridesmaids are from the area (one is my sister so for the sake of this post I'm ignoring her). I hadn't planned on the girls bringing dates since the other two from out of town won't be. One of the in town girls is super shy and yesterday she exitedly told me she asked a guy to be her date to my wedding. While I was super excited she worked up the confidence, I suppose that means that I should ask the other in town BM if she wants to bring her bf of whom I am not a fan, but can get over.
My problem is that I was planning on getting the girls hotel rooms the night of the reception, two girls per room. I can't afford to get each of the girls who are bringing dates their own separate rooms, they both live with in 15 min of the venue so its not like they live far but is it bad form to tell them they have one room between the two of them if they want it with or without dates?

saintpaulJess

I think it is very generous of you to get a hotel room for them to share.  I would just be honest with them.  Tell them you were thinking of getting a hotel room for them to share, but if they are bringing dates you would be happy to split the cost of their room, or if they prefer, they can just pass on the room.

kaylas16

I completely agree with what Jess said!

SSaltzman87

I second Jess too, that way you can leave it up to them without dictating their personal choice.

shainabiron

I agree with Jess. 

debbieupper

I agree with pp. 

Were you not planning on allowing them to bring guests? I know a lot of brides want their WP's attention the day-of, but as a courtesy it's nice to give them a plus one. It's good that you seem fine with them bringing dates, but I would use careful wording when you tell them you planned on getting a room for them together so it doesn't sound huffy. Know what I mean?

I Want Cake

I agree with PPs. 

graysquirrel

I also agree with Jess. It is really nice to pay for hotel rooms, but it isn't at all necessary. They will understand. 

maybe984

I agree with pretty much everything that's already been said. I think it's almost a little rude to not allow your wedding party to bring guests. Are you telling ALL of your guests that they can't bring a date? Why would you make a rule for your bridesmaids that you wouldn't make for the general public? Even if you're limiting "plus-ones" with your other guests, I would think being a BM would merit being able to bring a date. You know?

Unless you already told them you'd help with their hotel rooms, I wouldn't say anything about paying for their room. If I were you, I would:

A) Ask them all if they're bringing dates (including the OOT girls, just to make sure)
Ask them if they'll be getting a hotel room.
C) Ask them if they need any help paying for said hotel room. Chip in as needed.

You might find out that the girl with the boyfriend you dislike DOESN'T plan on bringing him and that she wants to share a room with one of your OOT girls. You never know.

MilitaryBride2Be

Thanks ladies! I'll def talk to them and let them know that there is a room available for them to share if they want it. I have no problem with them bringing dates, honestly I hadn't really thought about it since at the time I made the guest list they weren't dating anyone.

 The general rule I'm going by for the non-wedding party guests is that if you're engaged I'll invite your significant other.

There are really only a few people that are dating someone who would have a significant other that wouldn't be invited on their own. Most of them are family and its a general understanding in our family since there are so many of us, bfs and gfs don't come to formal functions like this.

For the guests that aren't family whom this affects are part of a "group" invited of our friends, so everyone will know people and have plenty of dance partner options. I haven't been out of college that long so everyone is still in close enough contact and are totally pumped about seeing each other in general lol

MrsBassPlaya

I agree with maybe984.  If you haven't already said anything to them, I wouldn't until you know exactly what's going on.  Then they can either pay for the room themselves (which I've always done when I've been in weddings), or you can help out with whatever set amount of money you feel comfortable paying.

If you have already mentioned it to them... I currently have little advice on the best way to handle that. 

debbieupper

I'll also throw out there, because you mentioned the rule that you're going by for non-WP guests, that you might want to expand the engagement rule to people who live with their significant others (but aren't engaged). 

When my good friend got married (in Laguna Beach, so I had to fly), she didn't invite my then-live-in boyfriend (now my hubby!), whom she had known for years. Sure, she applied that rule to all of her girlfriends, and we all still went and supported her, but we were definitely really put off by it. Like, really.