Inviting more than we can FEED

jmkaiser

We already have 300 people on our guestlist which is making me nervous but I really want to invite a bunch of my co-workers. They have been nothing but supportive of me and I would love to share that day with them.

Is it rude to invite them to the ceremony/dance or just dance but not dinner? I want to invite them in a way that they know they mean alot to me coming but not insult them by saying they can come...they just cant eat.

Let me know ladies!!

esunada

If you are going to invite them, you would have to invite them to dinner, too.  People are bringing gifts or money as part of your day and are taking the time to share the day with you, to not feed them would probably be a bad way of showing your appreciation for them.  It would be better not to invite them and you can just casually mention how you wanted to invite so many people but didn't have the room or capacity to do so. 

Steph0871

Typically, yes it is extremely rude. 

However, I see a little lee-way with coworkers, unless you hang out with them outside of work frequently.  As long as they know they're only invited to the dance, and they're ok with it, I think you'll be ok.

You need to be prepared for some awkward conversations though.  They may straight-out ask why they can't come to the ceremony and/or reception.

Also- are you having an open/hosted bar at all? It might be just as pricey to invite them for free drinks anyway.  Just something to consider.

musicalsunlight

I just wouldn't do it.

[Deleted User]

One of my co-workers invited our department to her wedding, and then she extended an invitation to the dance only, to the rest of the company.  She explained that due to finances, they could not afford to invite everyone to the wedding but if people would like to come to the dance they would be delighted to have them there.  Another co-worker of mine didn't invite anyone from the company to his wedding but extended a casual invitation to the dance only.  Neither of which I found "tacky".   It's honest.  Weddings are expensive and not everyone has an unlimited budget or maybe they just don't want to spend $15,000 on their wedding and obviously the guest list is the most expensive part.  If people don't understand that then that's their problem. 

I also was at one wedding where they had a private ceremony with only 30-40 guests and served dinner and then they opened the invitations up to more people after ward and served appetizers and I don't think that's rude or anything either.  People should just be honored and gracious that they got any kind of invitation and if they're going to judge you for not feeding them then they're not the type of people who would appreciate being able to be a part of that day anyway.

I just hate all the 'rules' when it comes to a wedding.  Plus people are going to b*tch about something no matter what.   Do what you can afford. 

SuperRNluvsChef

IMO it's rude.  The last wedding FI and I went to was like this.  The couple invited some people to the ceremony and entire reception but invited some people to just the dance.  Except it didn't start on time and people started to arrive for the dance while the majority of us were still eating.  It was a little akward and if I had been one of the unlucky to not be invited to the entire thing I'd be offended.  GL with your decision

drdifabio

IMO for coworkers it is totally fine.
I spend so much time with my coworkers every day and they know so much about me and the wedding that I wanted to be able to celebrate with them. However, if I leave the company I couldnt see keeping in touch with them as we are friends in the confines of a work environment.

We did invite coworkers to attend the dance only. There were drinks and a late night snack that they participated in. It worked great for us. We were paying for the wedding and couldnt invite all 30 of them to dinner but to the dance the extra cost for drinks and a late night snack was totally fine.

I also made a point to go over and talk to them a few different times during the night because they came all that way to just hang out for a bit. For my coworkers who love HHs and drinks, this worked out great and no one was hurt or felt bad as far as I know. And it was great to have them there.

It is your wedding so I say if you want to invite your coworkers to the dance only and you have a group of coworkers that would enjoy that then I say go for it!

Sarahsue1684

The last 4 weddings I have went to were like this where they could only afford so many poeple and had alot of friends/family. So they did close family and close friends and then they invited everyone to the dance after for a late night snack. I am too running into this and had asked the friends who have done this if they ran into any problems when dealing with mad/upset people, they all said they didnt run into anything and that people understood that this day and age you cannot afford or accomodate everyone! We will be doing this as well and do not think that this is tacky. Put it this way for those who cannot be invited to the ceremony they would be invited to the reception or not invited at all by people who think its tacky. Which would you be more mad about, be invited to only the reception or not invited at all. You do what you feel is right and what you will be comfortable with. It is your day!

emilykathleen511

Yes, it is rude and offensive. If you would like to invite someone to an event you are hosting, you must invite them to the entire event.

And to whoever doesn't like the "rules" of weddings: this is something called etiquette. If you follow etiquette, then when someone gets "offended at something" its on them. If you don't follow etiquette and someone gets offended then its on you. This is how polite society works.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:6f22f080-4d50-4c75-9bb4-e448401e54f7">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]The last 4 weddings I have went to were like this where they could only afford so many poeple and had alot of friends/family. So they did close family and close friends and then they invited everyone to the dance after for a late night snack. I am too running into this and had asked the friends who have done this if they ran into any problems when dealing with mad/upset people, they all said they didnt run into anything and that people understood that this day and age you cannot afford or accomodate everyone! We will be doing this as well and do not think that this is tacky. <strong>Put it this way for those who cannot be invited to the ceremony they would be invited to the reception or not invited at all by people who think its tacky. Which would you be more mad about, be invited to only the reception or not invited at all.</strong> You do what you feel is right and what you will be comfortable with. It is your day!
Posted by Sarahsue1684[/QUOTE]

Not invited at all x1000. Honestly, if I'm not close enough to the bride and groom to not be invited to the entire event, I would rather just congratulate them and be on my merry way. I <em>do </em>understand not being able to invite everyone. What I don't understand is the blatant rude behavior that some people have told themselves is okay.

ETA: FWIW I would not say anything EVER to the bride and groom about being offended, because it is rude to call someone out on their rudeness. So just because your friend didn't "run into any issues" does not mean that people weren't offended.

jmkaiser

I talked with one of the girls I work with and she didn't think it would be rude. It's just that as soon as I got engaged a couple of the guys couldn't stop talking about partying with everyone at the wedding and how excited they were.

I don't expect gifts from them and if they are uncomfortable with the invite that's fine. It's just that I would have to add about 20 more people to the invite list which is already more than I anticipated with our small budget.

They are a great team to work with and not having them there would seem empty in a way.

musicalsunlight

Honestly if a coworker of mine invited me to ONLY their reception and I didn't get fed, I'd be offended. I'd rather just not get invited at all. I understand people have budgets and unless I'm extremely close to the bride or groom, I wouldn't be hurt by not being invited at all. Of course, you can do what you WANT to do, but it doesn't always make it polite.

shan87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:bf9b93de-ddd5-4f2a-9956-e1ffbdcea5ec">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]I talked with one of the girls I work with and she didn't think it would be rude. It's just that as soon as I got engaged a couple of the guys couldn't stop talking about partying with everyone at the wedding and how excited they were. I don't expect gifts from them and if they are uncomfortable with the invite that's fine. It's just that I would have to add about 20 more people to the invite list which is already more than I anticipated with our small budget. <strong>They are a great team to work with and not having them there would seem empty in a way.</strong>
Posted by jmkaiser[/QUOTE]

Then I would cut into another area of your budget so you can have them there for the entire festivities.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:0e52858f-094d-44a6-a7c1-21fae2bcbd30">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, it is rude and offensive. If you would like to invite someone to an event you are hosting, you must invite them to the entire event. And to whoever doesn't like the "rules" of weddings: this is something called etiquette. If you follow etiquette, then when someone gets "offended at something" its on them. If you don't follow etiquette and someone gets offended then its on you. This is how polite society works.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

A polite guest would be understanding that a couple may not be able to afford to invite over 300 people but would be gracious and honored that the couple wanted them to spend their day with them at all, even if it was "just" for the dance.

A polite guest would not care whether their invitation was addressed by hand or had labels, if it had an outer envelope & an inner, or if the couple was only hosting beer & wine vs. a fully open bar all night long.  They would just be happy to be a part of the day.    Etiquette or not, some people need to be more understanding, appreciative and find more important things to be upset about.  Times have changed since the days of Emily Post. 

musicalsunlight

But, kari, we aren't talking about polite guests. We're talking about polite hosts.

ETA: OP, if you feel strongly about it, and want to do this, then do it. If the possible etiquette problems don't bother you, then go ahead. All you know now is that is probably isn't the most polite thing to do. And that's that.

[Deleted User]

The OP asked if the idea was rude ....and if I received the invitation in question I would not think that the host was rude or impolite.  I would graciously accept the invitation and understand the predicament they are in, but I also understand that not everyone feels the same way.

Sarahsue1684

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:5beebc6c-8a05-4e2b-94d6-51785f8ed308">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting more than we can FEED : Not invited at all x1000. Honestly, if I'm not close enough to the bride and groom to not be invited to the entire event, I would rather just congratulate them and be on my merry way. I do understand not being able to invite everyone. <strong>What I don't understand is the blatant rude behavior that some people have told themselves is okay.</strong> ETA: FWIW I would not say anything EVER to the bride and groom about being offended, because it is rude to call someone out on their rudeness. So just because your friend didn't "run into any issues" does not mean that people weren't offended.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

No need to come on here and be rude...we are all just putting our opinions and expiriences out there not attacking anyone on what they do and dont feel is appropriate....not sure how it works on your local board but here we are all respectful. Thanks you :)

k8ly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:3f4ed6c9-b518-4493-abd5-f58e25080716">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]The OP asked if the idea was rude ....and if I received the invitation in question I would not think that the host was rude or impolite.  I would graciously accept the invitation and understand the predicament they are in, but I also understand that not everyone feels the same way.
Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]


Just because some people don't think it's rude or improper etiquette, doesn't make it so.  I'm with musica.  OP asked if it was rude and improper etiquette to only feed half your guests.  The answer is yes.  So now she has to decide it she wants to ignore etiquette or not. 

Edited for clarification

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:7f96ff15-d25d-467a-9ef7-2d43d2a27030">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting more than we can FEED : <strong>Just because some people don't think it's rude or improper etiquette, doesn't make it so. </strong> I'm with musica.  OP asked if it was rude and improper etiquette to only feed half your guests.  The answer is yes.  So now she has to decide it she wants to ignore etiquette or not.  Edited for clarification
Posted by k8ly[/QUOTE]

And likewise just because some people think that it <em>is</em> rude that doesn't make it so either.  If it were me, I'd rather receive an invite to the dance only, than not receive an invite at all.  That is just me.

Also no matter what, someone, somewhere is going to find SOME aspect of your wedding as 'rude' no matter how hard a bride tries to please everyone.... be it having a large bridal party or having a small one, having a head table, the month you choose to have your wedding in, not hiring a calligrapher to address your invites, the meal(s) you decide to offer, +1s for single guests, open bars or semi-open, dessert choices or a million other things.   But personally I find it rude to think the hosts are rude for not putting on the wedding of the century.   One wedding I was at the couple chose not to get a cake at all and one of our friends was appalled by this.  It just bothers me that such judgment is put on a couple especially when it comes to doing what they can financially afford.  

jmkaiser

Well I appreciate the advice. Honestly I didn't think was would be such a hot topic. I'm not trying to be rude at all. I'm trying to think of those that are important for me to invite. Our issue is that we both have large families....while I would love to invite alot of friends, we don't have the budget for that.

There are so many people that WE want at our wedding and so many that want to be there as well that it's difficult...

I don't however find something like this rude when the best intentions are there...

Sarahsue1684

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:8c42b503-1abf-4a19-a1ae-b20210da1e6f">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I appreciate the advice. Honestly I didn't think was would be such a hot topic. I'm not trying to be rude at all. I'm trying to think of those that are important for me to invite. Our issue is that we both have large families....while I would love to invite alot of friends, we don't have the budget for that. There are so many people that WE want at our wedding and so many that want to be there as well that it's difficult... I don't however find something like this rude when the best intentions are there...
Posted by jmkaiser[/QUOTE]

I could not agree with you more :) I will as well be doing this as well as many other brides I know.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:57db4ff4-134c-4b34-ab2e-034145d02630">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting more than we can FEED : And likewise just because some people think that it is rude that doesn't make it so either.  If it were me, I'd rather receive an invite to the dance only, than not receive an invite at all.  That is just me.

<strong>Also no matter what, someone, somewhere is going to find SOME aspect of your wedding as 'rude' no matter how hard a bride tries to please everyone</strong>.... be it having a large bridal party or having a small one, having a head table, the month you choose to have your wedding in, not hiring a calligrapher to address your invites, the meal(s) you decide to offer, +1s for single guests, open bars or semi-open, dessert choices or a million other things.   But personally I find it rude to think the hosts are rude for not putting on the wedding of the century.   One wedding I was at the couple chose not to get a cake at all and one of our friends was appalled by this.  It just bothers me that such judgment is put on a couple especially when it comes to doing what they can financially afford.  
Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]

And like I said before, if you are following etiquette, then its on that person for being picky. If you aren't following etiquette, then they have every right to be offended, because you are being offensive according to the rules society has agreed to.

Of course, you CAN break the rules, but you do so at serious risk of offending your closest friends and family. There is a certain amount of responsibilty that you take on when you decide to invite someone to event and be their host. That is to invite them to the entire event, don't mention gifts at all in your invitations, provide all food, beverages, and entertainment for the event, don't split up couples if you assign seating, and don't lie to your guests about nature of the event (i.e. lie about marital status at a wedding). If a guest gets "offended" because you chose colors they didn't like, or food they didn't like, or a different dessert than they are used to, that is their own thing and you have done all you are responsible for as a host.

Like I said, ignore them if you wish, no etiquette police will come after you, but these <em>are</em> the rules we have come up with as a society. They are social "law" if you will.

It's just like real laws. Most people break the speed limit on a regular basis. I see this as like some of the very minor etiquette rules, like hand-addressing an envelope. There are also much more serious laws about not being violent or killing someone. This would be like the more serious etiquette breaches of making people pay for their own meal at an event you are hosting, or inviting a married person without their spouse. Yes, I understand that killing someone and inviting a married person without their spouse are not anything like the same, but I'm just trying to make the point that there are minor etiquette breaches, and there are very serious etiquette breaches, and the OP falls under very serious.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:a06727ec-96f2-45a4-bd98-ef3cc503faf5">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting more than we can FEED : And like I said before, if you are following etiquette, then its on that person for being picky. If you aren't following etiquette, then they have every right to be offended, because you are being offensive<strong> according to the rules society has agreed to.</strong> Of course, you CAN break the rules, but you do so at serious risk of offending your closest friends and family. There is a certain amount of responsibilty that you take on when you decide to invite someone to event and be their host. That is to invite them to the entire event, don't mention gifts at all in your invitations, provide all food, beverages, and entertainment for the event, don't split up couples if you assign seating, and don't lie to your guests about nature of the event (i.e. lie about marital status at a wedding). If a guest gets "offended" because you chose colors they didn't like, or food they didn't like, or a different dessert than they are used to, that is their own thing and you have done all you are responsible for as a host. Like I said, ignore them if you wish, no etiquette police will come after you, <strong>but these are the rules <u>we</u> have come up with as a society.</strong> They are social "law" if you will. It's just like real laws. Most people break the speed limit on a regular basis. I see this as like some of the very minor etiquette rules, like hand-addressing an envelope. There are also much more serious laws about not being violent or killing someone. This would be like the more serious etiquette breaches of making people pay for their own meal at an event you are hosting, or inviting a married person without their spouse. Yes, I understand that killing someone and inviting a married person without their spouse are not anything like the same, but I'm just trying to make the point that there are minor etiquette breaches, and there are very serious etiquette breaches, and the OP falls under very serious.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

Who is this "we" and this society you speak of??  I had no hand in those votes.  I think that simply put, some people are offended by things and some people are not.  If she doesn't invite the coworkers at all, that may offend some of them too.  

emilykathleen511

I willing to bet you didn't have a personal hand in deciding that murder should be against the rules either? Or any of the other laws that govern our behavior?

What about other social standards? Do you shake hands and say "hi" to a person when you are first introduced? Do you wait in line at the store when you want to check out and there are people in front of you? Do you tip your server if they did a good job when you go out to eat at a sit-down restaurant? Do you attempt to refrain from passing gas or belching loudly in public?

Now did you get votes in any of these "rules?" Oh, but you still follow them? No way! Yes, these are things that are agreed upon over time, and no, I don't have time to teach an entire course in sociology so that you get it. But, believe it or not, most people LIKE that there are rules in social settings, because yes, that's right; it makes it EASIER to be polite when there are definitive rules and standards to follow that we all go by.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:26eb8593-6fed-42ec-8d40-97a6b9876645">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting more than we can FEED : No need to come on here and be rude...we are all just putting our opinions and expiriences out there not attacking anyone on what they do and dont feel is appropriate....not sure how it works on your local board but here we are all respectful. Thanks you :)
Posted by Sarahsue1684[/QUOTE]


The OP asked if this would be rude, and I am telling her. It is not rude to answer her question. And this is my local board. Thanks.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:0b9f001f-4a65-44d7-a86f-e575835583a9">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]I willing to bet you didn't have a personal hand in deciding that murder should be against the rules either? Or any of the other laws that govern our behavior? What about other social standards? Do you shake hands and say "hi" to a person when you are first introduced? Do you wait in line at the store when you want to check out and there are people in front of you? Do you tip your server if they did a good job when you go out to eat at a sit-down restaurant? Do you attempt to refrain from passing gas or belching loudly in public? Now did you get votes in any of these "rules?" Oh, but you still follow them? No way! Yes, these are things that are agreed upon over time, and no, I don't have time to teach an entire course in sociology so that you get it. But, believe it or not, most people LIKE that there are rules in social settings, because yes, that's right; it makes it EASIER to be polite when there are definitive rules and standards to follow that we all go by.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

Murder is against the law.  Open bars and other etiquette are not.  Yes *I* shake people's hand and refrain from passing gas, but if someone else does the opposite, I am not going to pass judgment on them for it.  Maybe they are a germaphobe or maybe they accidentally let one slip?    =)    Who am I to judge when there may be reasons for which I don't know or understand? 

Steph0871

ohhhk. Everyone breathe.

Kari- you've answered before saying you don't care what etiquette says, which is fine.  But Emily is explaining what etiquette does say is appropriate or not.  It's a very commonly-held belief that inviting guests to only part of the wedding is rude.  I agree, completely.  I do, however, believe coworkers are a little different, as long as you don't have an actual relationship with them outside of work.

OP didn't ask what you would or wouldn't do; she asked if it would be rude. It is. But if she's ok with people being offended by it, that's her choice to make. Some guests will find it rude that they were invited to only part of the wedding.  I have to admit... if it was a small, intimate family-only ceremony and reception, with a large dance after, I'd probably be less offended.  But your guest list is already 300! What's another 20 coworkers going to add? 

Weddings are not about being a polite guest; it's about being a polite host.  

JM- I have to ask. If you already decided it wasn't rude 'as long as it was done with the best intentions', why did you post it on here asking if it was rude? That's kind of a slap in the face to those of us who took the time to respond to you honestly.

[Deleted User]

I'm not saying that I don't care what etiquitte says, I'm saying that some guests would prefer an invite to the dance only than no invite at all - I know I would.  And just because I follow 'the rules that society has agreed on' for my own wedding, at the same time I am not upset if someone else bends or 'breaks' the rules because their situation may not allow them to.

I'm just trying to say that I wish people would lighten up when they are a guest at a wedding, be honored that you were asked to share the day and stop passing judgement on a couple for doing things the best way they can.   I know I'm not going to change the world or people's opinions, I just think there's enough pressure on a bride as it is and it sucks.  Takes the fun out of wedding planning IMO 

Steph0871

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_inviting-can-feed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:40f51b39-dcf7-4411-819c-14a09cf4b8d3Post:02a415e5-a4cd-4720-bb69-0884616026ff">Re: Inviting more than we can FEED</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not saying that I don't care what etiquitte says, I'm saying that some guests would prefer an invite to the dance only than no invite at all - I know I would.  And just because I follow 'the rules that society has agreed on' for my own wedding, at the same time I am not upset if someone else bends or 'breaks' the rules because their situation may not allow them to. I<strong>'m just trying to say that I wish people would lighten up when they are a guest at a wedding, be honored that you were asked to share the day and stop passing judgement on a couple for doing things the best way they can. </strong>  I know I'm not going to change the world or people's opinions, I just think there's enough pressure on a bride as it is and it sucks.  Takes the fun out of wedding planning IMO 
Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No offense, but if you think there's 'enough pressure on a bride as it is' then you're doing it wrong.  I can honestly say I was never overwhelmingly stressed during the wedding planning process.  If I felt myself getting that way, then I made sure H was helping out too.  If anything it should be pressure on the couple. It takes two people to get married, and it should take two people to plan it. This should be one of the happiest times in your life. Treat it as such.</div><div>
</div><div>And, I think you've got this whole wedding thing wrong. It's not an honor to be invited to a wedding.  I sincerely hope you don't think you're doing your guests a favor by inviting them.  THEY are doing YOU a favor by attending. It's an honor for you to have friends surrounding you when you get married.

</div>

tpender13

So, an honest answer here... Only you really know if your coworkers are going to be okay with this. We had a few more "no" RSVPs than we expected, so last-minuteish I invited three coworkers (one single, two w/FIs of their own). I invited them to the whole thing, but it was only a couple weeks before. I honestly told them that I wanted to invite them from the beginning, but didn't think we'd be able to afford it. I told them that I'd love them to come if they could, but I didn't expect a gift or anything.

This was totally okay in my situation, and I don't think they were offended in any way. Point being, only you know your coworkers well enough to know if they'll be offended. But generally, I think "tiered" invites are rude.

[Deleted User]

Well I seem to be the minority obviously but I am honored when I receive an invitation to a wedding and I am not offended when couple (gasp) goes against wedding etiquitte and I have to pay for a drink or I can't bring my kid etc.

Also the stress of my wedding planning has nothing to do with FI, it has everything to do with trying to please everyone and people complaining anyway.