Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Need Some Advice Ladies...

We're not having a caterer, (I know, we're crazy)!  But, we have 4 women that my mom & I work with,  that offered to help with the food.  Meaning they will help set everything up, keep the buffet stocked & just help out with any food stuff in general. 

My question is, do they get invited to the wedding ceremony & the reception?  I know no one is a fan of a "tiered" wedding, (and neither am I), but I feel like that is what I would be doing.  I don't want them to feel like they aren't welcome at the ceremony, because they are.  But if they come to the ceremony, they would have to leave early to go set up the food at the reception.  How do I do this tactfully? 

Any suggestions would be helpful...  TIA ladies!  = )

Re: Need Some Advice Ladies...

  • aligrossaligross member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You would certainly invite them to both the ceremony and reception.... being that you haven't hired them. My sister had a situation like this and it worked out fine. They came to the ceremony but as soon as they were announced husband and wife, the ladies left the church and had PLENTY of time between that and the reception to get everything set up and ready to go.
    What my mom always says to us when we have one of these questions is... "Put yourself in their shoes... then play out both scenerios. How would you feel and what would the outcome be both ways."
  • edited December 2011

    Yes, I have thought about how they would feel & that's why I'm not sure how to go about it.  I also don't want them to feel like we're kicking them out of the ceremony!  Good to know though that it worked out for your sister.  Thanks! 

    Another question... They should be allowed a guest, correct?  I just don't want their dates to feel left out when the ladies are helping out with the food.  Ugh this is stressing me out!

  • edited December 2011
    Invite them to both, with a guest.  They'll decide whether or not they want someone to come with them, and if they want to attend the ceremony. 

    Better safe than sorry!
  • edited December 2011
    I agree, absolutely invite them with guests if they so choose to bring them.  Then you are totally covered and it is just up to them to decide when they will be slipping away from the festivities to work on the food.  This feels most inclusive to me and least likely to cause any hurt feelings or misinterpretations.
  • edited December 2011
    Yep! As far as the dates go IMO it would work the same way as if a BM has a date, she'd be busy during the ceremony and then taking pictures but after that they're free to be with their date, just like after the food is set up in this case.
  • hkieslinghkiesling member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would invite them and give them a guest.

    Are they cooking the food, too, or just setting it up?  Will you have seperate wait staff to clear tables and serve water?  It seems like four women might not be enough, depending on how many guests you have.
  • edited December 2011
    We're getting the food pre-made from Cub, so all they'll have to do is set up & restock things.  The guest list right now is at 200, but we're pretty sure we won't be at that number in the end.  We have to clean up after the reception also, so we're going to have them clear as people finish, & I'm guessing a lot of people will clear themselves.  If they don't then I'll be out there picking up plates in my wedding dress!  And I know I have family members that would be willing to pitch in, to help clean up dinner also.  I know this situation isn't ideal, but it is what it is, & we need to whatever we can to make it work.

    I should also mention, we are having a beverage service, so people will be getting all drinks - pop, water, beer & wine, from there.
  • newlyseliskinewlyseliski member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My old roommate just got married last weekend and they bought and prepared all their own food.  She had family friends and family members preparing the food between the 11:00am ceremony (ended around 1) and their 5:00pm reception.  There were about 350 guests... so they had a pretty substantial army of people helping out!  I think 4 people may not be enough and you might want to allow a bit more of a gap so that wedding ceremony guests who are helping out with the dinner don't have to miss out on part of the ceremony.  Even if you have beverage service... there was always a lot of clearing up that those helping out needed to do and it seems like a lot for 4 people!

    One thing you could check would be seeing if the parish you're getting married at has a youth, women's or men's group that might be willing to help out for part of the dinner for a donation!  They're always looking for fundraising ideas, usually...
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