July 2012 Weddings

Dad not coming to the wedding.....

So my parents got divorced when I was 6. It was hard but i was young so i didnt undertand. Then my mom and dad got remarried and I have a great other father in my life. He knows that he is not my DAD but does everything that he can to be there for me and support me like his own. My dad likes me when he wants to or when I look good (sports, career, etc) other than that doesnt really care. So i knew this was going to be the big issue in the wedding process. 1 - Who was paying for the wedding (solved, splitting it 3 ways) 2 - walking down the aisle. My plan was that my dad and I would have our moment before the church doors open, and then walk down half way. Wher my stepfather would join us and then proceed to the alter all 3 of us. Much like my life, that I had 2 great fatherly like figures in my life. 

Now I know i should have asked/told my dad sooner, but knew it was going to be a big issue, so didnt do it until about 3 weeks ago on the phone.....and he got mad at me saying that he was not coming to the wedding becuase of that. 

It sucked, tore my heart in pieces, and wanted just to curl up in a little ball. But then I realized (after a BIG rant with teh FI and wine) that if he wants to do that then -- I guess I know my true answer about my father. Being there when he can look good. 

It just sucks bc when I was little I was a daddys girl, and now I dont even hardly talk to him more than once month. 

My brother has threatened him that he will be coming to the wedding even if it is in a wheelchair, so that is good and I hope he can deal with about 5 minutes of the day that he has to share the fatherly limelight. 

Any other brides have the 2 fathers walking down the aisle? Any advice?

Re: Dad not coming to the wedding.....

  • Wow, I'm so sorry! That is such a tough situation and it sounds like your father is being very immature about it.

    I'm having father related problems, too. I have a father and a step-father, and my mom has been presuring me to give my step-father a big role in the day, even though I do not feel I have a strong relationship with him. She wanted me to have him walk me down the aisle along with my dad, but I said no way. Now I'm trying to find another role for him just to make her happy, but I really don't want him to have an important role b/c I don't feel any connection to him.

    I don't really have any advice for you, other than just maybe see if things will blow over. Maybe your dad was just over-reacting in the moment and has calmed down now.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Stand your ground girl!!! <3  My dad was still a part of my life, but he made some bad decisions along the way...so my story is similar in some ways =)  Just stand your ground.  If he wants to be like that, then so be it....I'm torn on the walking down the aisle thing because I do not want my stepsister to be upset if I have him walk me half way down...

    but anyways...stand your ground...& honestly it is too bad if he decides not to be there...that is something that he will have to live with.
  • Ugh!  That really sucks!  I'm sorry he is being so selfish!  I think what you asked him to do was more than fair and he should be happy you want to have him walk you down the aisle at all!  You could have said you were only having you step father!  Hopefully as it gets closer he will come around.  My dad can often be really selfish about things (he wasnt around much when I was growing up either) but often realizes it if I just leave it alone for a few weeks.  It sucks for the time when he is being ridiculous and/or mean though. I just finally told my dad that I am not having him (or anyone) walk me down the aisle.  When I picture it in my mind I picture myself walking down alone and if I was going to have someone do it I would have had my little brother, not my dad.  I did not tell him that, just said that I am walking down behind my girls bc that is how I imagine it.  I know he is mad about it but its my choice.  Anyhow...I hope he realizes what a mistake he is about to make.  He will regret not walking down with you and not coming to your wedding.  Maybe your brother can talk some sense into him.  HUGS!

    :)AJ Pregnancy Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_dad-not-coming-to-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:fb510213-ea5d-4403-b60a-9b54fa203819Post:ba605b8e-b0b7-4f95-ab40-f29055f6901c">Re: Dad not coming to the wedding.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I'm so sorry! That is such a tough situation and it sounds like your father is being very immature about it. I'm having father related problems, too. I have a father and a step-father, and my mom has been presuring me to give my step-father a big role in the day, even though I do not feel I have a strong relationship with him. She wanted me to have him walk me down the aisle along with my dad, but I said no way. Now I'm trying to find another role for him just to make her happy, but I really don't want him to have an important role b/c I don't feel any connection to him. I don't really have any advice for you, other than just maybe see if things will blow over. Maybe your dad was just over-reacting in the moment and has calmed down now.
    Posted by BmoreBride311[/QUOTE]

    This sucks too!  Could you have your step dad do a reading or dance with him at the reception?  I totally understand how you feel.  My stepdad is great and treats my mom really wonderfully (she finally found someone...after being married & divorced 4 other times) but I dont really have a close relationship to him.  They arent coming to the wedding (my mom cant travel and they live in Texas) but if they were I wouldn't be having him do anything special at the wedding.  I might dance with him at the reception but that would be about it.  Its your wedding and you should not have to do something that makes you really uncomfortable.  Honestly, I would guess your stepdad doesnt even care that much.  Stand strong against your mom.  She is being unfair to you.  Hugs!!!
    :)AJ Pregnancy Ticker
  • I'm so sorry :( I agree with others, sounds like your dad is being extremely immature about everything. It really kind of makes me mad for you...like, just step the eff up for a day and suck it up for your daughter!!! I really hope things work out with him!!
    imageAnniversary
  • Thanks ladies. I have decided that if he is not goign to be there --- then I have to be ok with that. My FI is the best person bc he said no matter who what or whatever walks you down the aisle, he is there for me, not for anyone else. 
  • Thanks AJ! I really don't even want to dance with him. I probably sound like a child, but I really have no relationship with him and don't wish to. I'd rather he not be a reader, but I'm considering it just to appease my mom. We'll see!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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