Hey Ladies!
I am very much in need of some bridesmaid advice. I need to have a talk with one of my bridesmaids on whether or not she still wants to be in our wedding. When I asked her to be in the wedding party, about a year and a half ago, she was one of my best friends. About a year ago, she seperated from her husband, which was obviously very hard on her. The marriage was not a happy one, but I know that that doesn't make seperating any easier. They also have a child together. Since they have seperated, she has decided to completely change herself into what she deemed to be a better, more fun person. We were close, so no matter what, I would love her, but I don't even know who this new person is anymore. She has pushed me and our other best friend away, and we rarely talk. Which is especially awkward because we even work for the same company in the same building. If she sees me at work and I don't stop her and say hi first, she just walks right on by me.
Our other friend has moved, and now lives in a different state, but she visits frequently, and I visit her as well. My friend always makes up excuses to break plans with us when we try to make them. The last straw came recently when she told us that she wasn't going to come to a party to hang out with friends because she just felt like staying at home. She lives right down the street, so we said that maybe we would just stop by her place to say hi then, and she said that she would prefer that we didn't, that she would rather be alone. She lives basically just across the road from my house, so when we left the party at about 1:30 am, we thought that we would drive by her apartment and see if it looked like she was still awake and check again to make sure she didn't want company. When we pulled up to her apartment, I was surprised to see one of our married male co-workers leaving her place. I called her up to see what was going on, and she said that he just stopped by as a friend because he was worried about her and that they just talked. I don't really care about what did or didn't happen, but it kinda hurt that she preferred his company over ours. I told her this, and she just stated that she was sorry, but she just felt like he was all the support that she has in this city and that he is her best friend. I told her that I felt like we weren't even really friends anymore, and if she didn't want me as a friend, she should just be honest with me and say so, because I'm tired of pretending that we're best buds, and trying to improve our friendship if she doesn't want it anyway.
I really just feel like she couldn't care less about what's going on with me. When I talk to her, she goes on and on about her life, and as a friend, I listen. But she rarely inquires about what's going on with me. She told me during one of our talks that it made her sad to talk about my wedding because I was happy, and she was not, and even though she was happy for me, the festivities make her sad. Basically, she would prefer that we just don't talk about it. So we don't. She never asks about anything, so I don't tell her anything for fear that it will upset her too much.
I know that I need to have a talk with her and ask if she still wants to be in the wedding. At this point, I'm not really going to be hurt if she chooses not to be in the wedding party, I just don't feel right having someone involved who I feel really doesn't care about me. The problem is that I know that she hates confrontation and she will pretend like everything is okay, even if she is upset. She will say that she wants to be in the wedding and involved, but in the end, I really feel like nothing will change. I'm not really sure how to approach the subject. I don't want to do it over the phone, or worse, by email. However, I have been unable to get her to hang out with me in at least a couple of months, if not longer. Anyone been in a similar situation? If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with it! I feel better already getting this out there and off my chest.