NWR - help with job opening e-mail

LauraMC09

Background: So I'm in the process of looking for a new job because DH started a job about two hours from where my current job is. I told my supervisor last week and he wrote a referral e-mail to his contacts. He received three responses back, forwarded them to me, and said the ball is now in my court. I'm wanting some help with writing my initial e-mail to these individuals.

 This is the e-mail from one of the individuals to my supervisor:

Thanks for including me in your distribution.....I am always looking for quality candidates and we do currently have a few openings in personal banker, assistant manager or teller roles with ... Bank.I actually have a Personal Banker opening at our ... location Highway ... and ... Lane which would be an easy commute from ... (15-20 minutes). Please have her apply online at www.....com under our careers tab and search the ... opportunities.I will be out of town until Friday 10-8 and would welcome the opportunity to discuss positions at the bank with her at this time.I can be emailed at ....com or my cell number is ...   This is what I've come up with so far. first name last name,I would like to thank you for responding to ...'s referral e-mail, and would appreciate the opportunity to discuss with you the personal banker position in .... I have applied online, and have attached my resume below. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you, Should I be writing more in this e-mail or keep it short and sweet? Thanks for your input ladies.

kaylas16

I by no means am a pro at anything like this but I think generally this type of email should be short and sweet.  Pretty much like what you have but perhaps just add a sentence or two as to why you think you would be a good fit for a job...kind of turn it into a cover letter.  Or just the way you have it but I wouldn't add much more....

I'd also like to see what others have to say

GL in the job search!!

tpender13

I think what you've got is great. You're making yourself stand out, and attaching your resume for easy reference. He's probably able to look at your actual application, and anything else he wants to know he can ask.

Good luck!

shan87

I think that sounds perfect.

p.s I think I know the bank you work at ;-)

Steph0871

Sounds perfect.  Short and sweet is definitely the way to go.

lboerner88

I am  actually in charge of HR at my family business so I have a little experience in this department. I would keep it short and sweet but also attach your resume. Wow them in your resume

threemarie24

I am an HR recruiter, so I also know a little more then the average person out there. What you have is perfect, short and sweet is always the best. I would also follow up with a call on his cell phone. Lets say you emailed him this morning, I'd call this afternoon, or Monday afternoon. Make your presence known. If you get his voicemail just leave a short message letting him know you sent him your resume as well as applied online and would love to talk on the phone or in person. Wait a few days, and if he doesn't return your call, call him again, but don't leave a VM. Since you are refereed chances are he will call you back, or email you back before you call him! GL