Your Bar Situation

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_bar-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:9ae483e5-38b5-4828-aa2a-2d05ca2db623Post:2b054480-631d-4cfe-8431-dd2651c9b528">Re: Your Bar Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your Bar Situation : I like you.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

Why, thank you. The sentiment is mutual.  :)

ef7310

I agree with Steph. Food and alcohol are not the same. When you go to a wedding, everyone eats dinner. Not everyone drinks alcohol. The dinner is expected, the drinks are a bonus. 

izzyjenni

I am a older bride  that has lived in Minnesota through all my college years until now at 32.  So I've have been to way too many weddings to even count! I've been a bridesmaid or personal attendant 12 times!  And out of the probably dozens and dozens Minnesota weddings I've been to only one was an open bar.  And guess what!  As a college student, that is the only thing I remember from the wedding because all the college age folks there drank too much!  It is a regional thing.  Unless you are having a smaller wedding, live in a small town, or have an grand budget, it is not likely that you can host an open bar and not break your bank.  Do what you can afford like the beer and wine hosting and let your guest buy their mixed drinks if they prefer.  I do not know of any of my friends or family that  will be offended or think it is a faux pas for not having an open bar...and don't argue with me, as I know all my guests and have been to their weddings or children's weddings.  They don't care!  They are there to celebrate with us!  Perhaps the guests at the other ladies' weddings feel differently.

Izzygrim

I guess I don't see a partial cash bar as asking your guests to pay for anything. Beer, wine, and NA are free, so they don't have to pay for anything. I'm having a relatively small wedding (appx 150 people, so just family and closest friends), and I know that if I'd invite any of those people over for a dinner party I'd have some drinks on hand (wine, soda, maybe a liquor or two) that I'm am more than happy to provide to them, but I know that if any one of them wanted something else in particular, they would bring it themselves.
I come from the opinion that I'd much rather have the option of buying whatever drink I'm in the mood for. I'd much rather prefer that than just being limited to certain beverages, if there is an option at that venue.

Veittobe

We are hosting wine and beer only and will have hard alcohol available if guests would like to purchase it.  

I don't recall ever being at a wedding where everything was hosted.  I do believe it is more common in our area to find weddings with a partial hosted bar.  I don't know why.  But if that is what you choose to do, you will not be the first or the last to do so.  Really no big deal.  Go with what feels right to you.  

LittleSweetie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_bar-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:9ae483e5-38b5-4828-aa2a-2d05ca2db623Post:c38dd62a-acef-4c2e-bf34-10c60bb87368">Re: Your Bar Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your Bar Situation : Who said that would make you a terrible person? good person=/=good host and bad person=/=bad host. You can be a good person and a bad host at the same time. And if a partially hosted bar is the worst thing that you do as a host, I still wouldn't call you a "bad host," but you would still be commiting faux pas.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

<div>From reading the national boards, I have come to feel otherwise.</div><div>
</div><div>And no, it wouldn't be a faux pas IMO if I'm offering something.  Total cash bar = faux pas.  Partially hosted bar = not.</div>

beka0404

Wow. Lots of dramz in here.

I agree with izzyjenni. I am 32 and have been to MANY weddings. Only a small number of those weddings have been full open-bar; most of them were held at the community center in my fiancé's small hometown in northeastern MN where one need not be a licensed bartender to mix a drink, if you get my drift. As previous posters have mentioned repeatedly, it really is a regional thing.

Personally, we are providing beer and wine all night. For those who are unsatisfied with those options, hard alcohol will be available for purchase. Following the P&E logic, should be have modified our wedding and re-prioritized our budget so that we can provide my fiancé's picky aunt with Limon and soda? Perhaps the national board regulars might think so, but we are comfortable with our current plans. 

My only issue with partially-hosted bars is paying for tap beer. I think hosting beer all night is the way to go. Adding an extra keg is small peanuts compared to the rest of most budgets, and it benefits the couple too - people are more likely to stay and dance if you provide them with SOMETHING.

Steph0871

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_bar-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:9ae483e5-38b5-4828-aa2a-2d05ca2db623Post:d889d86b-1649-4b66-8486-bfaa97596869">Re: Your Bar Situation</a>:
[QUOTE] I know that if I'd invite any of those people over for a dinner party I'd have some drinks on hand (wine, soda, maybe a liquor or two) that I'm am more than happy to provide to them, but I know that if any one of them wanted something else in particular, they would bring it themselves.
Posted by Izzygrim[/QUOTE]

THIS.  is a much better comparison than the whole "why would you charge someone for wine but not milk" scenerio.  However, I doubt most wedding venues would allow me to carry in a 6-pack of my preferred beer, because the B&G weren't hosting it.  However, they will allow me to purchase it directly from the venue, why would you want to interfere with that as a couple, just because it's not what you want to host?

zephyr_marie

We are going to have an open bar, but we're only serving beer and wine to help keep costs down a bit, and we're going to have kegs to further help keep the cost down on the beer. We don't want to pay for a bartender, but if we had decided to, then we would have still had beer and wine for free, but charged for other beverages.  (Obviously soda and other non-alcoholic beverages are free).

shudak1

I have been to plenty of weddings that had beer/wine hosted & a cash bar.  I have never once been offended.  In fact - to the regional question - It may be regional since I'm generally accustomed to it.   I think it's more than perfectly acceptable, and think people get a little too caught up in the "etiquette" of it all. Throw the party that you want to throw.  It's your day.  Cheers!

ssminy79

I spoke with my FI last night who plays at many, MANY receptions and he said it is about half and half when it comes to fully hoste, partial hosted.  So I don't feel badly that we are hosting wine and beer.  As a guest to a wedding, I never thought that the reception was about the guests, or for the guests. I always thought that it was celebrating the bride and groom and their new life together.  Maybe that is just me, but I have never thought 'damn them for having a cash bar, this party is for me!"  Just my opinion though! 

I Want Cake

I agree with Steph, and we're probably going to go with a partially hosted bar, depending on our reception venue.  We're going to host wine/champagne/beer and maybe a signature cocktail.  Fully hosted bars are great, but I'm more of a hard liquor drinker than a wine drinker, and I hate beer.  I honestly don't mind paying for a mixed drink of my choice, I'm just happy the option is there.  I do, however, think that hosting a bar only up to a certain amount with the cutoff being at any arbitrary time, may not be the best option.  I know I certainly appreciate knowing exactly when the liquor is hosted and when I'll need to pay for it myself. 

This also depends on your venue.  We looked at one in St. Paul where we'd have to provide all the liquor/mixers/sodas/wine/beer and then a $90/hr fee for a bartender on top of it.  Then there are other places where it's fully catered, but the prices are absolutely ridiculous, which pretty much ruled them out for us.  I'm sorry, but $7 for a rail pour mixed drink is a ripoff, or $22 for a bottle of wine you can buy yourself for less than $10.  My issue is more about being ripped off by the venue/provider.

What I mean to say is that a fully hosted bar is indeed grand, but I don't think anyone would find it rude if they are asked to pay for a specialty drink when they have the option to drink wine/beer/soda for free.  Liquor costs a lot more to stock than beer/wine do.  Maybe you could even help subsidize the cost so it only costs them a couple bucks instead of $7, but it's completely up to you.  Do what you can afford.  There's no point in going over your budget so your uncle can get drunk on your dime.

shan87

After reading all of the threads here it makes me sad that all this crap comes in the way of Two People celebrating their love for each other.... A Wedding is a big deal not because of the flowers, food, drinks or decor but because 2 people love each other SOO much they are willing to commit their entire lives to each other....

That being said... My FI Parents and My Mother are spliting the cost of our Wedding 50/50 and everyone seems to have an opinion/demand - At first I was really upset that everyone was trying to steal my day-- but My FI and I decided to go and get married by a Judge before hand so we can truely have our 'day' and let the family have the 'wedding'


I don't know what your case is- but I suggest having an open dialogue with the people who are paying (My FI family doesn't drink alochol so they really pushed for open sodas- My Mother really wanted the Wedding Party to have free alcohol and have a host bar for cocktail hr and dinner (beer and wine) with cash bar option) so that it was we are going with.

My advise to you is remember why your guests have an event to go to!! :-)