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Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Not traditional...but want to convert.

Hi!

Help!
I have never been married, have very, very few friends that are married and have only been to two weddings.  Two years ago, I met a wonderful man who made me believe in marriage...somewhat.  He wants to get married in our church next year.
I feel happy, overwhelmed and lost. 

I don't care about colors or flowers or perfect invitations or having bridesmaids or all the stuff my sister worried sick about and made her mean and angry.  He says he doesn't care either...although it seems to me he expects me to care about those things.  He keeps saying how women dream most of their lives for their wedding day, etc. and I just cannot relate.  I just want true love.  And we found each other and I am happy.

In any case, he wants a wedding, I want a dress I can keep and wear again and want the religious component with family and friends and want to feed them after the ceremony.  He agrees with the church and ceremony, but doesn't want anything big that day, but a couple of months later, have the reception at a downtown venue and hire a band.

Do guests really look at the details (colors, flowers, etc)?
Would guests come to a reception or party a couple of months after the wedding?
Is there really a decent wedding dress one can wear again and not keep in a box?
I'm doing my research, but wanted some input from experts.

Thanks!

Re: Not traditional...but want to convert.

  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If you were to go really untraditional with your dress, could always get a shorter, white dress from a place like White House Black Market. That would be something you could for sure wear again. Also, David's Bridal offers most of their bridesmaid dresses in White, so you could go that route too.

    Some guests notice details at weddings, others don't. I doubt anyone would honestly think, "Hey, they didn't have (insert type of flower)- this wedding sucks!" Also, I honestly couldn't tell you the colors that were used at any of the weddings I've been to. The only things I remember from any wedding I've been to was at my cousin's first wedding when her now ex husband started tearing up at the ceremony and when my uncle got married, they had a pig roast at their wedding :-P

    What's more important is the feel of the event and having the people closest to you there to share the moment with. So many people go off the beaten path these days for weddings, I know I am!

    I'm on the fence about having a reception a couple months after the actual wedding. I could see you doing it if say one or both of you is from a different country or coast and want to have a celebration with family that couldn't make it because of distance OR decided to elope/get married at the courthouse. Otherwise, I don't see why you would. People have MANY opinions on this.

    At the end of the day, you have to do what feels right. 
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  • newlyseliskinewlyseliski member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I definitely don't think you're crazy for not being obssessed with wedding details... life is a lot less complicated without that stress during the planning process :)  I wish I hadn't been as obssessed with details as I was.  However, I'd also caution against waiting to throw the big reception a few months after the wedding... it's harder on guests if they have to attend two separate events.
     
    For example, If you want to keep your reception low key and not ridiculously expensive, try seeing if your church will let you have the reception in their gathering hall and you could order a bunch of food from Costco or Sams Club to feed them with.  My friend is "hiring" the youth group at her parish to serve dinner at their reception as a donation to their group as well as a parishioner who has his own restaurant to provide the food.  Heck, if any your friends or family members may be more enthusiastic about various aspects of wedding planning than you... ask them if they'd be willing to take that on! 

    If you're ever looking for the cheapest/easiest option for things... feel free to ask us and we can help with suggestions!
  • tpender13tpender13 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's okay to go low-key and non-traditional. Don't let people talk you into worrying about things you don't care about. We skipped a lot of stuff -- flowers, big bridal parties, special dances at the reception -- and it was fine. Of course people will never say to a bride and groom that their wedding sucked, but we got lots of compliments about how relaxed but still nice our wedding was.

    As far as having the reception later -- I don't like the idea, and honestly it seems like it would be more work for you because then you're planning two days. I would just do the ceremony (don't wear a "wedding" dress if you don't want to) and have a casual reception/party that same day. Steph (our old mod) I believe still had a DJ, but had board games (and maybe lawn games? I don't remember) at her Sunday wedding. The reception doesn't have to be the stuffy, formal affair that maybe your FI is thinking of.
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You are totally ok to not want all the hoopla. It just isn't for some people. Plan the wedding that means something to you and your FI, not what the industry tells you that you need. TV and the wedding industry wants you to think that all the little details are so important and that if you don't have chivari chairs or runners or something your guests will all faint from disgust. Not true. There are lots of women who do something a little off beat or just really simple and that's fine.  

    I am not a huge fan of the reception later. I'm  not sure how that would help you at all. The reception with food is a thank you for guests for coming to witness your union-- having it later kind of defeats that purpose I think.
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  • porscheluvrporscheluvr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    THANK YOU so, so much for your ideas and insights!

    I must admit I feel more excited than overwhelmed now that I have read your comments.  FI and I have been talking more about it, since our deacon asked us to email him with the date ASAP and things are moving along a lot more.  FI agreed on a reception the day of the ceremony and now we are looking at the guest list.  My list will be short, but his will be long.  I don't know the majority of his friends and colleagues or distant family, but I think it will be OK. 

    I also want Chinese food for the meal (which he at first frowned and looked at me like I am crazy) and some other form of entertainment (other than the band he wants to hire).  Everyone likes some sort of Chinese food, right?  Although I am from Mexican descent (Texan) and he is 2nd generation Scottish from Wisconsin.  I'm hoping the venues I look into for the reception work with me on the food.

    As for additional entertainment (I loved the board games idea), he frowned at having a dance troupe performance, or bingo with guests to win prizes, or a slide show, or hiring local actors for a short performance and I even threw in having a Pi~nata (but that's only for birthdays-I was joking).  He said no to everthing and suggested I do research on wedding receptions.Embarassed

    Do guests attend a wedding reception expecting at least a band or DJ, dancing, and dinner?  Will providing more seem weird? 
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