Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Question for the married ladies...

So you might remember me as the bride to be with reservations about my sister getting married in March while I'm having a June wedding.  I just came to terms with that, after everybody's helpful advice, and I decided it's going to be okay...maybe even a good thing.

So now my very good friend told me she is thinking about having her wedding the weekend before mine.  Her fiancee told mine that she is also planning on asking me to be a bridesmaid.  I didn't flip out when she told me (only mentally) and told her to do whatever she wanted.

My question is how busy were you the weekend before your wedding?  Did you have everything done or was there a lot of little details to tie up?  Am I going to be a wreck for my wedding if I agree to be in hers?  I am also considering having her be a bridesmaid in my wedding.  Would you consider being in a wedding the week after yours if you weren't going on a honeymoon right away?  Ack it's one thing after another!

Re: Question for the married ladies...

  • hkieslinghkiesling member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    'TIs the wedding season!

    I think it's doable (but a little stressful) to be in another wedding close to yours.  You just have to work hard to get everything done ahead of time and factor in extra time for her rehearsal.  On the plus side, the two of you will be on the same line, so maybe you'll be able to help each other with projects.
  • drdifabiodrdifabio member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    K so I am not married but I have to say I would personally have a problem with the weekend directly before or after my wedding - but I think two weeks would be okay. I have a friend getting married two weeks after me and we are both BMs in each others weddings and it is working out just fine - but I think the weekends right next to that were always off limits for us. That is just cutting it too close IMO and neither of us wanted the extra stress. Two weeks is as close as I would go.

  • Clare13Clare13 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    What are your plans for work the two weeks before your wedding?  I am a teacher, so I had 3 weeks off before my wedding.  Being in a wedding the week before mine would have been fine because I had 19 full days off which were dedicated to finishing up wedding plans.  If I had not had that time I would have wanted the weekend before to do what I needed to get done.  There are quite a few little things that have to wait until the last week (OOT bags, confirming with vendors, last minute changes, etc.)  I think not having that weekend or a few days dedicated to finalizing plans will make it more stressful for you.  I think you would be fine attending the wedding but being in it may be too much unless you can use some vacation time. 

  • wittyschaffywittyschaffy member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I was pretty busy the week up to my wedding.  If you wanted to be in hers and are concerned about how busy you'll be, perhaps you could suggest an alternate role in the day that isn't so time consuming (like reader, usher, etc.)
  • edited December 2011
    I agree that one week is too close. You could try to get everything done way ahead of time but that's easier said than done. we were engaged for 20 months and I was scrambling the last two weeks before the wedding, well actually the whole last month before the wedding but I'm a major procrastinator. Stuff really does sneak up on you and there are so many things you forget about or didnt even think of that come up. So either tell her you can't possibly be in hers, or ask her to move her date. As a late resort, you can tell her she can only have you for the day of her wedding, no other time (that sounds harsh, but you will need any other time you have). But her being a BM the week after isn't a big deal if she has no other plans.
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  • edited December 2011
    The weekend before the wedding was crazy busy.  One of my BM came over and we literally spent all of Saturday at the kitchen table folding programs, putting tissue pomanders together, cutting place cards, program belly bands and menus, etc (I had tons of DIY paper items though).  A lot of things you can't do until the week before, since you won't have final numbers in until then.

    I guess it depends on the location of her wedding and on how close you are to your friend on whether you decide to be in hers or ask her to be in yours.  If any of my BM's had decided to get married the week before mine, I would have been upset at first but I know I wouldn't have been able to tell them no...I would have made it work so I could be there for them on their day/weekend.  Anyone else, I probably would have declined...as hard as that would be.  And I would hope they would understand and not be completely shocked at that answer.  I believe hands down there is an unwritten rule that you don't plan your wedding that close to a good friend's wedding but at the same time, you get a wedding day and for me, I don't feel it's okay to ask your friends to not get married on a particular day, just because it's close to your own.  And you never know, she might fall in love with a venue and it could be booked that day and she'll have to move it.  I started out wanting a June wedding but switched to April when we found our venue.
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  • edited December 2011
    Clare, I am a teacher as well so perhaps having that time will make it easier to have things done and be able to participate in her wedding.  That's why I picked June right?
  • hkieslinghkiesling member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'll revise my answer to include that what I meant was that if you two are really close (and since you're each thinking of having the other as a BM you probably are), I wouldn't preclude being in the wedding just because they are close to each other.  It will be a PITA and it will mean having to really be on the ball about getting things done ahead of time, but it is also possible.  I would talk to her first about what "BM duties" she might be wanting you to do the month before.  If she has a lot of showers, parties, etc that she's expecting you to attend, that might be hard.
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