officiant issues

bburkel

I grew up Wisconsin-Synod Lutheran, which is pretty conservative.  I have been living with my fiance for 4 years and we've bought a house together.  I asked my mom's pastor if he would marry us and he won't because we live together.  If we somehow figured out a way to live apart (which is ridiculous, btw), he would.  Wondering if that's a common issue and how people get around it?  I would like to have an actual pastor marry us, my mom seems to have a few more requirements that we may or may not take into consideration.  I don't feel right lying to a pastor about our living situation...you would think that they would think differently about it now than they did 30 years ago.

ktwagner21

I know what you mean.  It was an important deal for us to get married in a church, and we found one ( I believe Evangelical Lutheran)  there are many out there against it.  Are you getting married in the cities and looking still?  I wouldn't lie to a church, it seems wrong, however I do know people who have just to have their ceremony in the right location.  If you are getting married in the cities check out churches in the Richfield/Bloomington area, there quite a few Lutheran churches in that area.)

Sscholfield

Yes, this is common for Wisconsin synod lutheran as well as Missouri synod lutheran churches.  She ended up contacting the pastor from the Evangelical lutheran church that we belonged while growing up, and that pastor married them.

wittyschaffy

My Mom grew up in a WELLS church too and frankly, that doesn't surprise me.  Women still aren't allowed to be on her childhood church's church council according to my Grandma who is still a member there.  Visit a few ELCA churches.  See if you click with a pastor and then see if they'll do outdoor ceremonies.  We got married at the Como Conservatory and had no issues with our pastor marrying us (and we lived together too).

sndietz

I am Catholic and being married by a Catholic deacon.  I live with my fiance and I thought that might be a barrier to us getting married in the Catholic church.  Our deacon never even raised an eyebrow when we both gave him the same address.  I would have thought if the Catholics are overlooking it, surely the Lutherans are as well!  Apparently not!

I wouldn't want to lie to a pastor as well, and I don't think you should have to.  Maybe in your quest to find a pastor that will marry you you will find a new church community as well.  Everything happens for a reason I guess?  Good luck!

graysquirrel

I can see why you are bummed, but I also see it from the pastor's point of view. If he feels that your relationship is inappropriate according to his beliefs, he has a right to decline the job.

We were married by a judge who is also an ordained minister (Judge Cass). We had him add spiritual elements to the ceremony. Would something like that work for you? Does your officiant have to be your specific branch of Lutheran?

SSaltzman87

Like PPs said, I'd look into ELCA churches. That might be your best bet.

On a side note, I'm getting married at Centennial Lakes too, yay :-)

bburkel

My fiance doesn't care who marries us, as long as it's legal.  I am not super picky either, but would like it to be someone I know and am comfortable with.  My mom (and yes, I realize it isn't HER wedding) would really prefer that it be a Lutheran pastor.  Preferably WELS, but she could be open to others after what she heard from her pastor when we asked.  I do attend a church in Eden Prairie that is WELS, but after my experience, I'm a little gun shy to ask the pastor there. 

@wittyschaffy - When I suggested the idea of a female pastor to my mom, she nearly had a heart attack.  The WELS have come a long way, but still aren't completely there.

mzad22

Well I was going to suggest our officiant, until I read your last post about no females.  She really is excellent though, extremely personable and wonderful to work with.  She is an interfaith minister so she is able to perform a religious ceremony at any location.

If you get stuck and want her contact info, let me know and I would be happy to give it to you.

Good luck!