Vent - LONG

chou_chou

So, there are friends of ours who are getting married this Nov in a destination wedding (so, not cheap for guests to travel to, and therefore prob. quite a few won't be able to go).  The bride was one of my bridesmaids, the groom was one of DH's groomsmen.....we found out last night that some of the people in our circle of friends were invited, EXCEPT for DH & I, my sister, and one other friend of ours.  This circle is a pretty close group of people, so IMO everyone should be part of the same ring of invitees.
DH doesn't care b/c he knows these aren't like our best friends, but I'm ticked off and my feelings are hurt.  There are so many things I have offered to help with or support them on just related to their wedding (ex: none of her sisters or mom live in MN so I told her that if there's any errand she needs help with or anyone she wants to share an exciting detail with I'm willing to be that cheerleader for her as a stand-in; before they decided on a destination wedding they were looking at a local church in the Twin Cities, said they had a hard time getting ahold of the priest there - low and behold said priest is a relative of mine so I asked if they wanted me to chat with him and pass along their contact info as sort of that first point of contact.  Did that for them, they said that'd be great! No prob, happy to help, etc).
So I feel like now we have a very one-sided friendship with these people, and it's really me that keeps trying to maintain it.  And I feel like it's a slap in the face that they stood up as part of our WP only 3 months ago and now we're not even given a courtesy invite -- it's a given that DH and I wouldn't be able to go due to no vaca time from work and we can't afford the plane tickets, so at least give us a chance to say no. 
Maybe this sounds whiney, but it just hurts my feelings and is disappointing.  I don't want to sound juvenile but maybe it's not worth my efforts to maintain this friendship anymore.  I hate "friends of convenience" and am fearing that is what we've got with this couple.
I hate this BS......and thanks for letting me vent, I don't really feel better about it because I am just hurt and feel burned - but there's only such much I can talk to DH abt this .... so thanks ladies!

SSaltzman87

I think you've got every right to be peeved, I would be too if I were you.

This girl isn't worth your time if this is how she shows her 'appreciation' for helping her out.

SuperRNluvsChef

Ouch my feelings would be hurt too! Your right, you should at least get a courtesy invite.  However, I try to live by "Kill em with kindness" I hate holding grudges.  Too much time and energy for me. 
I hope things get better for you!

MN_Jen

Wow, my feelings would be hurt, too.I totally understand your need to vent.

Sounds like its time to start phasing out this friendship.  Think of it this way - at least you don't have to get them a wedding present!

shan87

I would be hurt too. And Just to play devils advocate for a second -- Do you think they knew you couldn't come? I have people that have told me after they got the STD that they can't come and I was planning on not sending them an invite until my Mom informed me thats a no no. Perhaps they didn't have someone telling them that. I've been told by ppl as well that Weddings are not Tit for Tat which has helped me to lower my expectations.

In the end, for me in situations like this I am like SuperRN kill them with kindness and slowly cut the ties. You are right when you say you have put energy into the friendship than stop. I have a friend like this and the only reason I was working to keep his friendship was because I had been friends with him for 10 yrs. Well time to move on.

chou_chou

Thanks for the validation -- I'm a little more calm about it today, but still hurt and disappointed (and still a little confused by it all).  I think the thing I am most upset about is that they lied to DH when they said "no friends were being invited to the actual wedding, just the AHR" and then do the oppposite -- and really hurt by the fact they couldn't even approach us about this.  They haven't said ONE WORD to any of us non-invitees about it, just act like nothing has happened and sweep it under the rug.  Talk about an elephant in the room. 
I guess the only reason we assumed we would be invited IF they invited friends is because they were a bridesmaid & groomsmen in our wedding.......and now that I think back on it, they had told us in the beginning of their planning too that they'd get info out abt travel arrangements to people so they could start planning for it, so DH & I had been operating under that assumption the entire time.  Unless told otherwise we could have been waiting for our invite this month (their date is sometime end of November). 
But apparently we assumed too much.  Needless to say I've started to sever the ties on my end.  They'll just be "fringe friends"....if invited to other people's houses we'll be friendly as needed, but will no longer be extending invitations to them for our home or parties.  (sigh) what a lovely change of events.....