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Dave Ryan - Bride Melissa Rant...

Hey everyone, I am usually a lurker on this board and have never posted...BUT something I heard on the radio recently, really struck a cord with me.  Did anyone hear the "How Will They Take It?" bit on the Dave Ryan in the Morning Show this week?  Well it initially aired last Friday...but it was about a Twin Cities bride named Melissa.  Melissa called in the radio show to go on the air and tell one of her bridesmaids that she is kicked out of the wedding basically because she's overweight.  Well Melissa said more than a few times she's not "kicking her out" but telling her that she has two months to lose weight OR ELSE she cannot be in the wedding.  I was SO APPAULED by this and I seriously could not focus that day at work because I was so angry with someone I've never met. 

I thought I'd post here to see what other people thought only because Dave Ryan had said he'd gotten a few (very small percent, but still) that said they understood where she was coming from.  I'm sorry, but I think this is the most shallow thing I have ever heard.  Who the heck cares if you have a heavy bridesmaid?!!!  How does ANYONE have the guts to tell someone else they will "ruin" pictures??  Being that everyone on here is either a bride to be or a bride, I'm hoping to hear people's insights.  

I know wedding planning is stressful, but since when does it give anyone permission to be mean and hurtful??  I have been a bridesmaid many times and thankfully all of the brides have been beautiful human beings.  Their wedding was about the love they shared with their groom and the people they are sharing their day with.  And the bride usually asked us to stand up beside them because we loved them and they loved us.  Not because we look good in a dress.  Why even have bridesmaids then?  Why are weddings becoming a Broadway Show??

 Now don't get me wrong, I hope my wedding turns out beautifully.  I think about the flowers and the dress and what not.  BUT it's not the most important thing in the world.  Who cares if your groom has 6 groomsmen and you have 4 bridesmaids?  It's not about symmetry, having people stand up for you used to mean something.  Don't NOT ask someone to be in your wedding because your groom can't think of another groomsmen to ask.  If they are special to you - why not?? 

I've read some posts on here about brides complaining about their bridesmaids and it just breaks my heart....your bridesmaids are not financially obligated to you.  They shouldn't have to pinch pennies, go on diets, or anything else to be in YOUR wedding.  I think some brides are losing sense of the big picture.  Is it just me??  What does everyone else think? 

Re: Dave Ryan - Bride Melissa Rant...

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    kristigileskristigiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ughhh I about died while listening to it.  How can people be so shallow?  Did you hear the second part a few days ago when she said she lost another bridesmaid and her caterer because of it?
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    Sara191431Sara191431 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I heard it and was also appalled!  Obviously it shows what kind of person she is and in a sense her BM was lucky to get out while she could.

    Kristi - Do tell about the 2nd part/follow up as I missed it!!!!  Her caterer really quit?  Can they even do that over something like that?  Not that it's not warranted but wonder if they can drop out cause of something like that.....
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    edited December 2011
    Sara- I heard both parts and basically the second BM said that she forgot it was her grandma's brithday so she had to go out of town for that and miss the wedding, haha karma is a b****.

    And for the caterer, supposedly they heard the clip on KDWB and was making comments asking if the bride was going to request lower calorie meals for some of the guests, haha which I think is hilarious! Unprofessional but so hilarious! So she wants to fire her caterer now. She also blamed KDWB for ruining her life and ruining her wedding when she caused all the drama!

    It's just ridiculous, love your friends no matter what size, if you are shallow, why have a "fat" friend to begin with? I'm sure she scarred her friend for life and ruined that friendship over ONE day. She's marrying the love of her life, not the pictures of the bridal party!
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    kristigileskristigiles member
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    edited December 2011
    ohhh she wants to fire the caterer?  I started listening toward the end of it but I thought she said that she had lost another bridesmaid and her caterer.  That's funny though that she was blaming KDWB when she's the one who decided to do all of this live on the radio.  
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    amberh0515amberh0515 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The second part was the worst! Is she even going to invite her "friend" Beth to the wedding? She said that were going to try to get together after the wedding! How rude!


    If anyone missed it, here's part 1: How will they take it - Mellisa's Bridesmaid

    and Part 2 - follow-up
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    emilyj77emilyj77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for sharing the links to the audio, I hadn't heard either live, but have heard people talking about it ever since.

    I think it comes down to the fact that she made some incredibly bad choices and she's not willing to take responsibility for them. She chose to go on the radio to deal with a tough situation and now she's blaming them for ruining her wedding. I don't feel one bit sorry for her, and absolutely do not think that she is a victim. I feel bad for her friend.
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    edited December 2011
    No, I totally get it. What a selfish slob that Beth must be to not revolve her entire life around Melissa's big day (SARCASM)! I'm sure that's something Beth has been dealing with her whole life and I'm sure she's already felt super insecure about the whole situation. What a disgusting person to have the guts to call your friend you've had your whole life and humiliate them on the radio and even worse, to think you are in the right and your friend has done you an injustice by being overweight.
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    supersalwasupersalwa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    But guys, she was just trying to HELP her friend.

    The second part just made it worse. It's hard to believe that people can be so utterly devoid of compassion or empathy.

    I'm so glad I don't have people like Melissa in my life - I have much higher standards for my friends!

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    Clare13Clare13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for posting the links to the audio.  I didn't hear it live but also have been hearing comments about it since it aired.  It personally disgusts me.  I have a physical education background and have worked my entire life learning and teaching about fitness.  With that said, I have 6 bridesmaids and 2 of them would be considered on the BMI scale as overweight.  And I don't care!!!  I have never had a "wedding" conversation that has mentioned anything about their body types.  What does it really matter anyway, they are my best friends.   I can't even imagine being friends with someone who tells their "friends" what they have to look like.  I feel lucky to have friends who will  stand up and support me on my wedding day, that is and should be enough.  I can't believe how shallow this girl is.  This has made me just mad.  And I don't believe using the wedding is an excuse for her behavior at all!!   I do have to say, I feel sorry for her fiance.  If she is trying to "help" her friends in this way, what is she going to do in the future to "help" him? 
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    threemarie24threemarie24 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_dave-ryan-bride-melissa-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:fa19edf3-9d41-4380-8b1a-844ac3fd06abPost:1405ffcf-c432-41f8-a8dd-b70511e056e1">Dave Ryan - Bride Melissa Rant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I've read some posts on here about brides complaining about their bridesmaids and it just breaks my heart....your bridesmaids are not financially obligated to you.  They shouldn't have to pinch pennies, go on diets, or anything else to be in YOUR wedding.  I think some brides are losing sense of the big picture.  Is it just me??  What does everyone else think? 
    Posted by snickers336[/QUOTE]

    <div>I am not sure if you read my post about my BM backing out 2 months before my wedding.  I want to let you know that what hurt me was the fact she waited so long to tell me, when she KNEW she couldnt come well before she told me. I was hurt by the fact she told me as close to the wedding as she did. It really hurt our friendship. In my mind if she wanted to be there she should have done anything in her power to do so, and I dont think she did. </div><div>
    </div><div>Another thing is, I have been on this board for along time, and even thought I do not know everyone on here in real life, I know they are all planning a wedding, or married and might have gone through similar situations. Since she was my best friend I didnt really have anyone to talk to about it, so I vented here. </div><div>
    </div><div>Now I understand where you are coming from that some Brides forget the big picture, and in the case of the bride who called into KDWB SHE did!  I really hope you didnt take my vent about how hurt I was that my BM couldnt afford two days off of work to come to her Best Friends wedding. (as you can tell I am still very hurt by it, we still have a long road a head of us, hopefully we can make it pass this?) --and yes I even offered to pay her what she would have lost, so in reality she would not have been out a penny. </div>
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    hkieslinghkiesling member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm going to have to back up threemarie, mostly because I did my share of venting on her about one BM myself.  This is a place that brides go to vent, so sometimes you see worse things on here that people would really do IRL.  For instance, my BM ruled out silk, satin, chiffon, cotton, taffeta, and polyester materials for the dress.  Expresso brown "could be darker" and she insisted on trying a sample dress on in her size (about a size 20).  I was quite at my wits' end and had to vent to someone...  That said, I never ONCE asked that she lose weight or drop out.  We worked through it, and she looked lovely on the wedding day. 

    Of course, I also totally agree that the Melissa chick was whack.  Who says that?
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    debbieupperdebbieupper member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    threemarie, I doubt that part was in reference to you. Your situation is really heartbreaking, and your BFF certainly did you over pretty good. You didn't do anything that would categorize you as one of "those brides".

    I think what Snickers meant by that statement is just that generally, being a bride doesn't entitle you to take advantage of, or take for granted, a friendship. It's not very hard to get caught up in the wedding world/industry and lose sight of that, and as the radio segment revealed, it does happen. Expecting your bridal party to fork over money for you is a big thing, and as the one doing the asking, I think it's important to recognize that burden. On the other side of it, if a friend commits to being a bridesmaid, they're committing to some financial obligation - there's no way around it, unless you plan to pay for all of everyone's expenses.

    That being said ... sometimes wedding planning can bring out issues in relationships that we didn't realize existed before, and sometimes we can get hurt by it. I think that's a valid thing to talk about, or vent about, here. It's not always "complaining" or whining.
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    fryksfryks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    UGH. Shallow.

    Your bridesmaids and groomsmen stand with you because they are good, honest people and are friends who mean something to you. If you're going to "dump" a bridesmaid for not meeting your standards of beauty, why pick bridesmaids from your friends at all? Why not have a casting call and get only beautiful models to be in your pictures with you?

    I love our crazy bridal party and wouldn't change it for the world. I have a Man of Honor who is a retired model (and my boss, lol) and is escorting my 4'5" grandmother down the aisle. All 3 groomsmen are taller than my FH; I am taller than my FH when I wear heels. One bridesmaid weighs 115lbs and the other weighs more than my 230lb FH. I don't care because I LOVE THESE PEOPLE! They are our heart and soul and all their "odd" parts complete the crazy puzzle that is our new life together.


    People like this Melissa are shallow and insecure. I balk at calling her a "woman," because she is certainly not acting like a lady in those audio clips. With her attitude, I give her marriage 2 years, tops.


    -fryks

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    threemarie24threemarie24 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_dave-ryan-bride-melissa-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:fa19edf3-9d41-4380-8b1a-844ac3fd06abPost:ac9bb392-274d-4f29-b98c-117661aeaf7b">Re: Dave Ryan - Bride Melissa Rant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]threemarie, I doubt that part was in reference to you. Your situation is really heartbreaking, and your BFF certainly did you over pretty good. You didn't do anything that would categorize you as one of "those brides". I think what Snickers meant by that statement is just that generally, being a bride doesn't entitle you to take advantage of, or take for granted, a friendship. It's not very hard to get caught up in the wedding world/industry and lose sight of that, and as the radio segment revealed, it does happen. Expecting your bridal party to fork over money for you is a big thing, and as the one doing the asking, I think it's important to recognize that burden. On the other side of it, if a friend commits to being a bridesmaid, they're committing to some financial obligation - there's no way around it, unless you plan to pay for all of everyone's expenses. That being said ... sometimes wedding planning can bring out issues in relationships that we didn't realize existed before, and sometimes we can get hurt by it. I think that's a valid thing to talk about, or vent about, here. It's not always "complaining" or whining.
    Posted by debbieupper[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I really wasnt sure if OP was directing some of her end comments to me or not but I wanted to address some of it, as I have come to realize my brain-mouth filter is not working. </div><div>
    </div><div>And <span style="color:#000000;font-family:arial, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:13px;border-collapse:collapse;" class="Apple-style-span">hkiesling you will always rock. </span></div>
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    debbieupperdebbieupper member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_dave-ryan-bride-melissa-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:fa19edf3-9d41-4380-8b1a-844ac3fd06abPost:cdce141a-b113-408d-a322-a544eda8a62f">Re: Dave Ryan - Bride Melissa Rant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dave Ryan - Bride Melissa Rant... : I really wasnt sure if OP was directing some of her end comments to me or not but I wanted to address some of it, as I have come to realize my brain-mouth filter is not working.  And  hkiesling you will always rock. 
    Posted by threemarie24[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I totally get that. Just trying to reassure you that you're not a bridezilla like this Melissa chick. :)
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    snickers336snickers336 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To threemarie24 -
    No, I didn't mean to point fingers at anyone.  Really just a generalization.  I was just SO worked up about that caller on KDWB!!  Never meant to insinuate anyone on here was bridezilla.  I don't envy your situation - your BM put you in a tough one.  But it's not easy for anyone.  I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this April and her original plan was to get married in Jamaica.  They decided to get married here instead for many different reasons.  But at the time she kept saying, "you have a whole year to save up for the wedding...."  Which is true.  But just because someone is able to save $1,000 doesn't mean they should have to spend it on going to their wedding.  EVEN if they are their best friend.  What if they were saving for their own wedding? Babies? A new home?  It's just a difficult situation. It was tough thinking I might not be able to go, especially knowing that she may think I was not being a good friend for not dishing out the money for the biggest day in her life.  But that's not the case at all.    Sometimes I just don't think it's fair to ask people in a way that they know you expect them to come.  If you have a destination wedding I think you need to expect that people can't come and look at it as a bonus when you get a "yes" rsvp.  And money is such a touchy subject for people.  It's quite humiliating to have to admit that you don't have it.  So that was really nice that you offered to pay for her to go just to have her there.  That's what it's all about!  Your situation reminded me of what happened with me - but you obviously were much more gracious about it.  So I wasn't necessarily referring to your situation, but one similar to it.  And I agree - you could have gotten more of a warning!! That stinks.....

    And I'm aware things people say on here wouldn't necessarily be said to your friends.  The beauty of message boards!

     
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    edited April 2012
    I think the husband should really take a look at his future bride... If she treats her friends like this how will she treat u someday?? And what if your kids are over weight?? She will prolly cut them out of family pictures and events. I hope it rains on her wedding day... Beth you are awesome don't let this insecure piece of garbage make you feel bad. You and sound more beautiful then she will ever be!!
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