My dad is a real peach. (Insert sarcasm here)

ChiGirl2013

So as some of you know, my father has opted not to attend our wedding.  Whatever.  We've had our ups and downs, but it seems to be bothering me a lot more than I thought it would - probably combined with others' lack of enthusiasm, some mean things that have been said to us, my family saying we don't "deserve" a shower and they won't attend one that my friend wants to throw for us, etc. 

Anyway, my dad has been saying he doesn't know if he can get time off of work, even though I know others who work where he works and their vacation schedule was finalized in December.  I left him a voice mail over the weekend, saying I had to give a final head count today (Monday) so wherever he is with his vacation issue, he had to just leave it where it is and let me know one way or the other, because he can't change his mind back and forth for the next month.

I missed his call, due to being at an early St. Pat's party yesterday.  He said that he still doesn't know about his vacation time (LIAR!!!) and that for right now, he is a no.  He said he will put a check in the mail for us to either use to pay for the wedding (which he has promised to send a check for the past 2 months) OR that money can be our wedding gift.  Then he goes on to say "and in the unfortunate event that I'm able to get time off work, I'll just come and you don't have to feed me or give me a chair to sit on."  WTF kind of response is that??!???!?!?  "In the unfortunate event that I'm able to attend" (my own daughter's wedding.)  SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?

I won't give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry, or knowing how upset he has made me.  But I just can't seem to get over this, even though he has been a disappointment as a father for my entire life. 

I know I shouldn't care.  I know I should focus on FI and the fact that we'll be married.  I know it's his loss.  I just can't get it out of my head that my own father couldn't care less about the biggest day of my life - a day that HE should be sharing with me, and creating memories with me.  But no.... he sees it as an "unfortunate event."  How do I get past this?

melicifant

It always hurts when our parents fail us. But remember it isn't you, it is entirely him. He is broken.
I'm sorry you are going through this. He probably just meant unfortunate in the way that he is messing up the head count. I'll give him that benefit of the doubt. Some people just can't speak worth a flip.

mabapunta

I'm sorry that it's been so rough for you through this whole planning process! I don't think it's something you will be able to easily shake. It's an important day and I know we always hope that people will change, even a little bit, for really important events. It seems he hasn't. But agreed that this reflects nothing of you. You planned your wedding trying to accommodate him and other family and friends. You gave them ample time to figure it out. It's their own fault for not putting forth the effort. I know that isn't very consoling...it feels really harsh. Let yourself feel it for a while, get it out (it always makes me feel better), and then try to focus on the people who DO care. Their love will hopefully carry you through the whole day as a HAPPY bride to be!!

And know that we are all rooting for you from our various corners of the country!!

tiny speck

I'm so sorry! That really sucks, and I can understand why you're still upset. I would be too. I have a rocky relationship with my father as well, and while he will be coming to the wedding, I am afraid that there will be some kind of drama at some point (FI and I are walking down the aisle together, and no dancing, so no father-daughter dance, for example; I haven't told him these things because he hasn't asked). Anyway, obviously our situations aren't the same. I don't know what advice to give you, apart from just remember that this is his problem, and you can't change him. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and all the family drama in general. Hugs.

phoenix870509

*hugs* I'm sorry you're dad is putting you through this. He is going to miss out on all the fun you will be having with your new HUSBAND. Don't let him ruin your day. It is YOUR day and he has chosen not to be a part of it. I know it hurts. While my father will be there he has been a pain in the butt the whole time. Why don't you just elope? he asks me after FI and I set the date. Then he refuses to wear a tux, or escort me down the aisle. Well my mother threatened him, as did my Nana (his mom, who passed away) so now he reluctantly is. And then there is my uncle, my mom's only living brother. He decided his wife's friend's daughter's wedding is more important than his niece's, so he is going to that one and not mine. That hurt a lot. But I will have fun without him. The April girls are all here for ya!

rachelm13

*hugs* I understand 100% where you are coming from.  It sucks when your dad's priorities are f*d up.  I don't know you, but, I will assume that you are a strong independent woman who is going to marry her best friend and live happily ever after.  Do not let him or anyone else get in your head.  You deserve all the happiness coming your way.