Planning Help....

mrsguilbert42013

Who is helping you with your wedding planning? My mom has been the biggest help (naturally) and my MOH and BM are both great, but I'm not sure how much to lean on them for help, especially since we are still 9 months out.

ALSO....my FI is not at all interested in planning.  He is excited for the wedding and everything, but has no opinion on any details.  Is this normal?  Am I expecting too much?

mabapunta

We have an out of town wedding, so we're actually using a planner since no family members live in that area and no one really volunteered to help us coordinate (and everyone's so busy, I didn't want to ask to take on that responsibility). Even so, the planner isn't the most help either. I talk about it most with my BM who lives in my same city, and my other BM who is getting married in November. MIL is pretty open to my endless wedding chatter too.

FI isn't super obsessed with planning and details like I sometime am, but he definitely provides his input when I ask. Does your FI agree with your vision for the overall atmosphere? If so, he must have total trust in you taking care of it Even so, I would still ask his opinion on the bigger things so you're on the same page. We'll all help you out, too! I like getting feedback from everyone here

erbear84

Mostly me.  I involve my FMIL cause she's awesome and I'm relying less and less on my own mom since she told me I was planning "the worst wedding ever" last weekend.

FI doesn't care about the small details at all.  He's concerned with the food, mostly, haha.

joheryl

I feel I am mostly planning myself but always sending pictures to my mom and BM's for opinions.  My mom  has been great but I she just seems to always agree with whatever I say and if I change my mind she agrees... sort of frustrating since sometimes I don't think I am getting a real opinion.

My FI really isn't into the details... but I will wedding chatter to him quite often lol.

brandijo1982

I'm having a destination wedding and am planning that mostly myself. Fiance had input on the location and the food.

We are having an at home reception a couple of months later and my mom is throwing it for us, so of course she has a lot of invovement in that : )

Spunky414

The wedding planning is probably 65% me, 30% FI and 5% my FMIL, honeymoon planning is 30% me and 65% FI and 5% my FMIL. I'm more into the design elements of the wedding and he's really into our honeymoon scheduling. FMIL only helped with researching wedding vendors since she's been to more weddings in the area, and she's planned multiple vacations to where we are honeymooning so she had some helpful suggestions.    

Erbear, that's so awful that your mom said that to you. 

clarkclark

 no , man is not good at these ,  u will be a excllent wife ,congratulations 

 

http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_i-miss-you-guys_.0

clarkclark

 no , man is not good at these ,  u will be a excllent wife ,congratulations 

 

http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_i-miss-you-guys_.0

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_planning-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:30b2a7a9-bbc4-46bf-aaba-bb54aba93f47Post:f983b1e8-20d0-4d97-aee0-a641e80b05aa">Re: Planning Help....</a>:
[QUOTE]Mostly me.  I involve my FMIL cause she's awesome and I'm relying less and less on my own mom since she told me I was planning<strong> "the worst wedding ever"</strong> last weekend. FI doesn't care about the small details at all.  He's concerned with the food, mostly, haha.
Posted by erbear84[/QUOTE]

Uhh... what?!

When it comes to the planning, FI and I are doing it pretty much on our own. We have agreed on everything when it came to our big vendors. And by that I mean I do the research for the vendors, narrow it down and then ask FI his opinion. Honestly though most of our big vendors were really easy to decide on.

I have dubbed myself the anti-bride because I really don't care about the smaller details, I just want them to get done. My FI is the one who cares about the centerpieces and that makes me giggle.

One of my BM's is really creative and awesome, so she told me when I am ready to tackle some of the smaller items to give her a call and she will help me out!

ETA: When it comes to the guys, what I have learned is that they seem to be only interested in one or two main things and that is it. Mostly, food, booze, what they wear, and in my case the centerpieces lol. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Or if you really want his attention come up with the worst idea ever, run it by him and see what he says! If he loves it, then you know you are on your own with the rest of the planning lol, if he hates it make him give you a better idea and go from there!

erbear84

vk, she consistently ignores me when I say I don't want something and then gets mad at me when she brings up something like, "oh, I'm going to the Priory and ordering 20 dozen cookies" (after I clearly stated multiple times I didn't want a cookie table) or "I'm going to go ahead with the mini wine bottle favors" (again after I clearly stated I had TWO favors in the sweets table and photobooth and wine bottles would be a waste of money).  So last weekend she told me that and then got mad when I blew up at her.  According to her it's "her wedding too" (she's not really paying for it, even) and "everything she suggests I turn down."  She's mad I said my DJ won't play the chicken dance even, argh.  So, I'm leaving her out of it, for the most part.  

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_planning-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:30b2a7a9-bbc4-46bf-aaba-bb54aba93f47Post:3f1627dd-7041-47fc-98a8-6f3a8c07308f">Re: Planning Help....</a>:
[QUOTE]vk, she consistently ignores me when I say I don't want something and then gets mad at me when she brings up something like, "oh, I'm going to the Priory and ordering 20 dozen cookies" (after I clearly stated multiple times I didn't want a cookie table) or "I'm going to go ahead with the mini wine bottle favors" (again after I clearly stated I had TWO favors in the sweets table and photobooth and wine bottles would be a waste of money).  So last weekend she told me that and then got mad when I blew up at her.  According to her it's "her wedding too" (she's not really paying for it, even) and "everything she suggests I turn down."  She's mad I said my DJ won't play the chicken dance even, argh.  So, I'm leaving her out of it, for the most part.  
Posted by erbear84[/QUOTE]

That's rough. I am sorry you have to have to deal with that. Hopefully she comes around and accepts that it is YOUR wedding, and not hers!

mrsguilbert42013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_planning-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:30b2a7a9-bbc4-46bf-aaba-bb54aba93f47Post:dec45e3d-2c11-40ef-8eaa-a1fed359bdae">Re: Planning Help....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a destination wedding and am planning that mostly myself. Fiance had input on the location and the food. We are having an at home reception a couple of months later and my mom is throwing it for us, so of course she has a lot of invovement in that : )
Posted by brandijo1982[/QUOTE]



We are almost date twins, (I'm 4.20.13) and are doing the same thing.  Our wedding is in Vegas and then we are having a backyard reception party in July at our new house :)  My Mom is throwing it too and she is all over it!

mrsguilbert42013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_planning-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:30b2a7a9-bbc4-46bf-aaba-bb54aba93f47Post:20066d71-e8ef-44c0-9bfb-04bc6f3530eb">Re: Planning Help....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Planning Help.... : Uhh... what?! When it comes to the planning, FI and I are doing it pretty much on our own. We have agreed on everything when it came to our big vendors. And by that I mean I do the research for the vendors, narrow it down and then ask FI his opinion. Honestly though most of our big vendors were really easy to decide on. I have dubbed myself the anti-bride because I really don't care about the smaller details, I just want them to get done. My FI is the one who cares about the centerpieces and that makes me giggle. One of my BM's is really creative and awesome, so she told me when I am ready to tackle some of the smaller items to give her a call and she will help me out! ETA: When it comes to the guys, what I have learned is that they seem to be only interested in one or two main things and that is it. Mostly, food, booze, what they wear, and in my case the centerpieces lol. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Or if you really want his attention come up with the worst idea ever, run it by him and see what he says! If he loves it, then you know you are on your own with the rest of the planning lol, if he hates it make him give you a better idea and go from there!
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]


Awesome advice, thanks :)

mrsguilbert42013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_planning-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:30b2a7a9-bbc4-46bf-aaba-bb54aba93f47Post:3f1627dd-7041-47fc-98a8-6f3a8c07308f">Re: Planning Help....</a>:
[QUOTE]vk, she consistently ignores me when I say I don't want something and then gets mad at me when she brings up something like, "oh, I'm going to the Priory and ordering 20 dozen cookies" (after I clearly stated multiple times I didn't want a cookie table) or "I'm going to go ahead with the mini wine bottle favors" (again after I clearly stated I had TWO favors in the sweets table and photobooth and wine bottles would be a waste of money).  So last weekend she told me that and then got mad when I blew up at her.  According to her it's "her wedding too" (she's not really paying for it, even) and "everything she suggests I turn down."  She's mad I said my DJ won't play the chicken dance even, argh.  So, I'm leaving her out of it, for the most part.  
Posted by erbear84[/QUOTE]


I'm also sorry to hear that your mom isn't being more supportive.  Maybe she's having an issue giving up control since you won't be her little girl anymore?  In any event, I hope everything comes together perfectly for you :)

ChiGirl2013

We're also doing a destination wedding.  I chose the package that included everything but the cake and photographer.  Those I found on my own after a LOT of research.  I don't really have anyone helping me with the wedding. FI only wanted input about the food and the cake. lol  I would love for my family to be move involved, or at least show a bit of excitement, but everything I show them is met with wrinkled noses and rude comments, so I'm just keeping it all to myself at this point. 

My sister did offer to help with whatever I need as the time gets closer, which was sweet of her.  I think she remembers the week before her wedding when I was up until 2am every night doing programs, kissing bells with little cards, favors, and a ton of ofther things.  She says she never would have made it through that week without me, and I think she wants to return the favor.

Christine9866

Erbear- sorry to hear about your mom not being supportive. I hope things work out.

As for who is helping us, it is just FI and myself. I love that FI has opinions and cares because this is his wedding too. We recently went to our cake tasting and the owner of the bakery was complimenting us on how well we came up with the decision together, and she was telling us some freakish stories of bride and grooms coming in for tastings where the groom says "its up to her, or its whatever she wants" and he's at the tasting and all of a sudden has an opinion and it makes things very difficult! FI  is also helping me out with some DIY.

I decided to not really involve my sisters or mom like that because they are alllll soooo opinionated. I have taken on a lot of the projects myself and have enlisted people to help that I know will be there to help, have fun, and not give opinions. I feel if I involve anyone else they will make me rethink what I am doing or say "what about this, or that". It has happened already and they have stressed me out. I actually enjoy the crafts part of it, and so far I am not stressed in tackling my DIY list.

orangehills

That stinks your mom said that! Hopefully she wisens up soon!

I'm doing 100% of the planning, which is easy because it's a smaller wedding with no dancing. I do think I'm going to hire a Day of Coordinator though. We have an event coordinator at the restaurant and she will handle everything there, but I want someone at the ceremony and then through to the dinner so that I don't have to worry about anything!

erbear84

mrsguilbert, I think that has something to do with it.  I'm the baby (my siblings are in their 40's and I'm 27) and her only child with my dad.  For years it was "the three of us"...she got really upset/jealous when my sister came to visit last year with her mom and I hung out with them.  My mom said I was "theirs".  Uh...what?  It's sad and my FI gets really upset that she refuses to respect me.  Meh.  

lpowers1118

I'm doing most of the planning myself.  I find everything, mention it to FI and he says, "OK" and then goes back to doing whatever it was he was doing.  I have found that in the beginning when involving others I received too many opinion/suggestions and it honestly became too much for me.  I'm not really "into" the whole planning thing, I feel stressed all the time and at the moment, just don't enjoy thinking about planning. 
To be honest, I haven't done anything wedding wise besides look for a dress in the last month and I still feel stressed.  Everyone keeps telling me how I am running out of time for a dress or something else and it's just a huge bummer.  (   
However, when I come on the knot I feel  like there is some hope as many girls keep posting checks, one day that will be me. 

shipsinthenight

Fi and I are doing the planning together I think. A lot of the ideas we're using were his in the first place. He let me handle the invites and stationary, flowers, girl stuff (dresses and the like), but we talk about everything. The food choice was at his suggestion. Our card sphere was an off-handed comment of his. As he's said, he has to be careful what he mentions to me in jest, because at least half the time I think it's a good idea. But that's him. It's not anyone else. Lots of guys don't care about details, and will pretty much say yes to things as long as they aren't rediculous. And I would say it's normal for most guys to be interested in the food as a priority. If you want more imput from him, try picking something he's naturally interested in or ask for an opinion on a specific idea. Maybe it's music or a particular phrase in the programs. And it's always a good idea to sit down and talk about your feelings about his lack of enthusiasm. Don't be accusatory though. Start with something like, "I was hoping you'd want to be more involved in the wedding planning. I don't want it to just feel like my day, I want it to feel like our day. Is there anything you'd like more imput on?"

Erbear, that does suck. Sounds like your mom has a couple issues to work through. I think you're wise to give her some space right now. Hopefully she can calm down and see that it really isn't her wedding too, since she already had one. I've been wedding obsessed since I was a kid, but I can't imagine myself being so presumptious if I were to have a daughter getting married. The one thing I know I will do is what my mother has done for me, and remind me to edit, thereby keeping things simple and less stressful.